to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

[technotwat]

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

The situation you're describing is fine, as long as your dd is happy with it, she clearly isn't.

You asked were you being unreasonable and people gave you their answers. No point getting stroppy because some of us haven't answered YANBU.

IMHO you're both being unreasonable, theres ways round her not having to look after her sibling, whether it 'stresses' your or not. BUT she should do as she is told. You're her mother and as she is still a child she should do what you say.

It's not even unhappy gnocchi it's not safe for either child in the house. It's only for Eight weeks and it's twenty minutes.

She was sat reading on her bed. I wanted her to come and sit reading on my bed instead. Hardly asking the Earth, is it?

It would make me most unhappy tbh, trying to cook whilst chasing a small child with a seeming death wish around. And yes, sometimes, I think its ok for a 9yo to be somewhat inconvenienced in order that something can be done for the benefit of everyone (ie, a meal being cooked).

It jus makes me wonder why she won't do it. I used to look after my brothers when I was a bit younger than 9, but I would had never ever refused but I wish I could have done because they were, to put it bluntly, little bastards. Then theyd be sweet as pie when my mum came back in.

If another adult wanted to leave your dd In this situation and hot narku when she refused, would you be ok with it?

Hot narku? Bloody predictive text! Got narky, is what I meant

All this being well and I love the posters who seem to be wringing their hands wondering why some people don't agree, but the fact remains is why would you want to leave your child with somebody who doesn't want to look after them?

And why doesn't she want to is what I'm wondering?

Does she normally do this? If not, it's a bit of a non-thread since she may just be having an off day like we all have.

If she does normally do this when asked, you have to wonder why.

If it is just the odd time I would expect her to do as she is told, no questions.

But if is is regular i isn't really fair. The oldest child always ends up with having to do this kind of thing, and the youngest never ime. The eldest didn't ask to have the responsibility of a younger child after all.

But as just a one off/irregular or temporary thing - yanbu.

I don't really think we are reading the same thread! A nine year old is being asked to look after a toddler for 20 mins or take the consequences of making herself a sandwich - perfectly reasonable and yet you would think she was being sent down the mines!
Answers range from the sensible to 'she is too young', 'it is not her job' to the fact she should be paid!
It is called family life, where you all pull together and you don't load it all into mother because you didn't ask to be born! Some women really are doormats- probably the same ones whose DCs come out of school and immediately hand mother their coats, bags, PE kit etc to carry home and she just takes it all- even though they are 9 years old and perfectly capable!

i would imagine she refused because she is 9 and a child and sometimes they dont like doing as they are asked or told, mine didnt want to tidy his bedroom today, but did so in the end after some sulking.

children test boudaries, she didnt want to move, so moaned, children do that it doesnt mean taht they then shouldnt do what is being asked of them!

and as for putting her needs after the littles ones, well i dont know about the op but in my house, yes the older ones occasionaly keep an eye on the little one, but she is often woken from naps to go and get them from school or to take them/pick them up from after school clubs, i spend plenty of time ferrying them around to where they need to be, and that means that the toddler comes with me, at 17mths i am pretty sure she would rather not be strapped in her pushchair/carseat whilst we do these things, but sometimes needs must and so she comes with me and we get on with it, equally sometimes i get the older ones to keep an eye on dd or do stuff around the house, its called running a household and they all pitch in and sometimes that means doing things they dont want to, whether that be the little one or the older ones.

Sorry to be a pedant here, but the OP says 30 mins not 20!

It is 50% longer after all.

30 mins is fine too.

i think further in the thread the op has said its more like 20mins either way its fine for a 9yr old to do this.

Yes 5mad, we know what you think! You've posted about 10 times expressing surprise at the sheer lunacy of those who appear to question it.

Christ posted too soon.

However, it is an interesting point you make about the younger ones being distubed from their naps etc.. to accomodate ferrying the older ones around.

I have never thought of it like that before!

Do you regularly ask her to do this?

A couple of times a week, yes.

I'm amazed at the number of 9 yr olds out there who are incapable of doing this or indeed get to dictate what they do and don't do to help around the house.

My 7 yr old makes breakfast for her 2.5 yr old sister some mornings, then they watch tv till one of us gets up. Just to say though that's not because we're lazy gifts who don't get up till noon, but because they are often up at 6, and if they don't want to wait until one of gets up at 7 then dd1 gets it.

i didnt know that there was a limit for how many times one could post on a thread or that anyone was keeping count, its a discussion, thats what happens on a thread :)

and i never said it was lunacy, but i am suprised yes at how incapable some people think 9yr olds are and also at how it is terribly unfair for a child to have to do this or that they should be paid for it, when imo when you are part of a family you all have to pitch in and help out, sometimes it works to your advantage, othertimes you may have to do something you dont want to, am pretty sure it all evens out in the end and yes my dd does get woken up and she isnt always happy about it, particularly on the school run, 1hr int he morning and 1hr in the afternoon stuck in her pushchair! but i have to get her siblings! in this case the mum really needed to cook dinner, its swings and roundabouts but i really think children should be encouraged to help out at home and take a bit of responsibility, its not a bad thing for them at all!

I was an eldest child. I can understand the not wanting to on occasions tbh.

you are being unreasonable. your baby is not your nine-year-old's problem. your nine-year-old is a child, too. not old enough to take responsibility for the baby.

so am i hulababy and that makes me aware of not putting on my older ones too much but equally they do have to learn that as they get older they do more to help out, they want the freedoms etc associated with being older, ie being allowed out to play, well wiht that comes some responsibility, in my house anyway! and even my little two who are 4yrs nad 17mths help, ds4 helps tidy and takes away plates, cups etc, they all help with laundry and at 17mths dd can help load the washing machine or help tidy toys, she is just imitating me or her brothers but she is still helping (it may often be quicker with out her help!) but i started them all from a young age, being involved around the house, i just think its a way of learning life skills tbh and i am not a doormat either, we all make the mess, we all help clean it up!

I dont think its about whether a 9 yr old can do it its whether its ok if they dont want to.

It tricky as someone pointed out kids dont always want to do wht they are told but it maybe different when it comes to babysitting as they are not their responsililty.

My ds's are fabulous at babysitting their sisters but if they dont want to I dont feel that i can push it as it was my choice to have them all.

My dd2 is quite big and strong and dd1is tiny and cant always keep her safe.

I think it is important that the older ones def get "benefits" from being older esp if they are expected to do more stuff about the house/babysitting.
And that at soon as the littlest is older enough they are expected o do something too - even if it is superficial - it's a case of at least making it LOOK fair.