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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my 9yo to watch the baby for a bit?

220 replies

technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:13

We are currently having major building work done on the house which means we are having to live in a caravan in the garden. We have a kettle and toaster in the caravan but cooking a proper meal has to be done in the chaos that passes for a kitchen.

I ask my 9yo to sit with my 20mo for 30 mins and watch cBeebies maybe every 2/3 days for this sort of reason - DP works, and the house is completely un-toddler-proof atm. Think loose brickwork, rewiring, missing windows...

I have tried all sorts to make it possible to get stuff done in the house - I can put him in a sling but then he kicks my hands when I am using knives etc, he will not sit in a highchair or buggy for more than 10 mins without screaming and then escaping from the straps... Distraction only works so far with him, he wants to be free to fiddle with stuff [sigh] and he isn't very stomach-orientated so I can't even feed him endless snacks to get him to sit still as he just isn't interested.

I need to cook some soup but DD is refusing point blank to do it today. Stropping, yelling, telling me its not her job and she doesn't want to because she is BUSY.

AIBU to tell her that means she will not get a cooked meal tonight and will have to make herself a sandwich for tea?

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:28

So now you're going to make her wait until 7pm for food because she won't watch the toddler? Confused

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:29

Why can't you chop the veg in the caravan OP?

Put it all in the pot and then quickly go to the house to put it on the cooker? Confused

You're really making this more difficult than it needs to be.

GnocchiNineDoors · 02/06/2012 15:29

Get a microwave in the caravan. Any time your DH is home and able, go into the house and batch cook stuff and freeze it. Then, take 20mo into the house, grab whatever out of the freezer you need, bring it back and ding it.

YABU. Your DD is not responsible for your DC2.

Your 9yo DD can hlep in other ways that don;t make her responsible for a whole other human being.

Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 15:29

It all sounds really stressful OP how long have you been in the van ?

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:30

I suggested that, Worra. If there's an electricity supply to the caravan then a slow cooker/electric steamer can be used.

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:31

We have a kiddy car seat (the sort with a cushion not a harness) so he can't get out of the carseat.

Right now he is sitting perfectly still watching Maisy sodding Mouse. All DD would need to do is sit on the bed and read, so there is another person in the room with him to shout me in case of emergency.

Anyway, I clearly am BU and a slave driver at that Hmm

OP posts:
Mrsjay · 02/06/2012 15:32

people live in mobile homes they manage with children and cooking , I think its all gone a bit Ott and a wee bit dramatic ,

LisasCat · 02/06/2012 15:32

Our 5yo DD often watches over her 1yo sister while I pop to the loo / take the washing upstairs / cut up some fruit for them. It's never more than a couple of minutes, and most of the time she loves it. She feels very responsible and will then grass up report back on every tiny thing her sister did during that period. BUT there's the odd occasion she does whine and say she doesn't want to, and then I simply say OK, and take DD2 with me. There's no point making it a punishable offence. I think it has to be something they enjoy doing and makes them feel grown up, rather than a chore. Household chores are things to get DCs to do. Childminding duties, as several PPs have said, are a way to foster sibling rivalties and resentment.

Original poster
technotwat · 02/06/2012 15:32

No, LadySybil - she can make herself a sandwich or some toast. She knows how and has been able to do that for herself for three years or so - she is a pretty capable 9yo (she is in fact 9.4)

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:33

You seem very insistent on getting your daughter to watch the toddler, rather than to think of alternative ways to get around this problem.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:33

I don't even think she needs a slow cooker

Just chop the veg in the van and nip into the house to put it on the stove

Take screamy toddler, strapped into buggy securely.

BlueBirdsNest · 02/06/2012 15:34

Pay her?

It might seem wrong but maybe she doesn't want the responsibility to be looking after her wee brother.

It sounds like your up to eyes in stuff but you have to remember some children hate having to regularly look after their siblings

RubyFakeNails · 02/06/2012 15:34

If thats how it is OP just do it. If it seems fine then I'd just get on with it. YANBU and your DD probably won't even fuss if you just go and crack on with the cooking.

Its 20 minutes, I don't think you needed mn to make this decisions for you, just go with your instinct. If you're worried leave the doors open.

birdsofshoreandsea · 02/06/2012 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadySybildeChocolate · 02/06/2012 15:36

babysitting duties isn't helping around the house. I wouldn't have wanted this responsibility at 9. The OP may be in the caravan for a while, so it's going to be an ongoing issue. What's the OP going to do when the 9 year old is at school?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 02/06/2012 15:37

Why is a nine year old apparently incapapable of watching a baby? In some parts of the world nine year olds bring up brothers and sisters after losing their parents.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2012 15:37

Like buggery fuck would I pay a child of mine to do something after they stropped and yelled at me.

I'd be a pauper with rich children Grin

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 02/06/2012 15:38

A nine year old is perfectly capable of sitting and reading a book (or whatever) and keeping an eye on a younger sibling for a bit.

DS1 (8) will often watch DS2 (2.5) for 10/15 minutes if I need to get something done. I ask him to do that and if he refused to do what I asked then consequences would follow. It's just part of living as a family isn't it Confused

RubyFakeNails · 02/06/2012 15:39

I can't beleive such a fuss is being made.

She is 9 years old, it's 20 minutes, she won't be in physical pain or suffering deep emotional trauma. It sounds like, as many kids do sometimes, she is just being bloody awkward.

Just say, watch the baby and go and get on with what you need to do.

I'd adopt a put up or shut up attitude.

RubyFakeNails · 02/06/2012 15:39

*believe

Nanny0gg · 02/06/2012 15:41

birdsofshoreandsea of course she is.
But if she wants it doing now, and doesn't want the battle, there have been alternatives suggested.

Then she can sit down with DD and discuss how everyone has to pull their weight in a family and sitting with the toddler is just one of the things she can do to help.

squeakytoy · 02/06/2012 15:50

what would you do if your 9yo was not there?

SaraBellumHertz · 02/06/2012 16:00

What a drama - Of course a 9 year old can mind a baby for 20 mins. DC1 frequently minds DC4 whilst I am in shower/end of garden/ doing something which is not suited to a toddler. It is part if being a family and TBH she loves it.

Having said that OP you do seem to be making this unnecessarily complicated

cory · 02/06/2012 16:01

I would

a) expect 9yo to watch toddler as a normal thing

b) have an alternative plan for days when this simply didn't worked either because toddler was being difficult or because 9yo was being a bit babyish

yes, older children should lend a hand

but just like toddlers they are sometimes going to not quite live up to expectations

(my plan b would be strapping toddler in and just let him scream)

MrsRhettButler · 02/06/2012 16:05

NOOOOO yanbu! My 6yo watches the baby if need be!