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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to stop breastfeeding just because...

204 replies

takingiteasy · 25/05/2012 23:18

I do? Oh I dunno if I'm making much sense but here goes. Ds2 is almost 5 weeks old. Both he and I took to feeding really well and have had no real problems. He's gained a pound since birth, sleeps well, only gets up once in the night and is very content. I took a bout of mastitis a couple of weeks back but we fed through it and coped.

So in spite of all this I am thinking about stopping. My reasons are so selfish. I feel like I do nothing but feed I swear I'm going to get pressure sores from sitting on the sofa. I haven't spent any decent time with ds1 and miss that. Thinkin forward I would quite like a night off sometime in the next wee while and a gin

In all honesty I wasn't expecting to get this far. I only made it ti day 5 with ds1 and have no guilt. I sais I'd give it another go this time round but really didn't think it would work and here I am looking for an excuse to stop. All the while there are women putting themselves through hell to do it.

I also have zero.sex.drive which is no fun.

OP posts:
LimeLeafLizard · 25/05/2012 23:22

I'm amazed you want to have a sex drive when your baby is only 5 weeks old!

EggWhiteOmelette · 25/05/2012 23:22

You dont have to expain or justify to anyone else. You have done well to get this far.

HypercriticalOaf · 25/05/2012 23:23

YANBU to feel however you feel about you feeding your baby Smile

Express to give yourself a break the odd night before quitting entirely?

anniemcphee · 25/05/2012 23:23

You have done so well to make it this far, especially through mastitis. Your baby is probaby going through a growth spurt, they tend to around the 6 week mark. And during growth spurts you do feel like a feeding machine. It does improve I promise.

Having said that, if you would be happier to bottle feed then do what you feel is best for you and baby.
I am a huge believer in "happy mummy happy baby" where breast / bottle feeding is concerned.

HypercriticalOaf · 25/05/2012 23:23

It gets easier

Rubirosa · 25/05/2012 23:24

You can have a drink if you are breastfeeding, and your lack of sex drive might be to do with the fact that you just had a baby.

But no one is going to give you a medal for breastfeeding. If the positives aren't outweighing the negatives for you then don't do it.

HypercriticalOaf · 25/05/2012 23:25

DS2 might be hyper feeding his way through a growth spurt and he might return to a more dignified pace soon

Seriously though, you're ace Smile it's not easy and you are absolutely not allowed to feel guilty, whatever you decide. Whatever you decide is right!

PrematurelyAirconditioned · 25/05/2012 23:26

He will get quicker. A lot quicker.

maddening · 25/05/2012 23:27

whatever works for you is the right way to go - but you might be in the middle of a growth spurt which is intense to say the least but does pass - so by the time you get to 4 mths it is much easier and in the meantime if there is only one feed in the night then it would be easy to express for and you should be ok to feed the next day as long as you aren't over the limit when you wake up.

if you really don't want to then don't beat yourself up - all is good either way

SunnySeeker · 25/05/2012 23:27

Breastfeeding is best for your baby and he is only 5 weeks old ? it may well feel like all you do is feed now but within just a couple of weeks your baby?s tummy will be that much bigger and he will be able to take more during each feed. Lots of women really struggle to feed their babies, you?re doing well. I would try for a little longer and it may well become something you enjoy doing.

Congratulations on your little one!

shubiedoo · 25/05/2012 23:29

Get a good pump so you can have a break sometimes. It gets so much easier, really it does. It seems hard now, but after a couple months they get into a better routine and you're not doing it round the clock. And no bottles to mix!

maples · 25/05/2012 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casmama · 25/05/2012 23:30

It is entirely up to you but it does get much easier and faster with a lot less faff than bottle feeding IMO.

maddening · 25/05/2012 23:30

ps how old is ds1? Could you set up with ds2 in shade of a tree with a book while ds1 plays in garden or park?

Original poster
takingiteasy · 25/05/2012 23:31

Thanks for the replies. I know the sex drive and new baby thing sometimes goes hand in hand but I want to have sex its just that its not happening. I don't even enjoy cuddles as it just feels like someone else needing me!

OP posts:
Destrier · 25/05/2012 23:32

I think it's a little selfish, really. He only has one chance to be a baby and be breastfed. In a flash it'll be over. You have to make changes when having a baby. If you can't give himthis now...

I know it's none of my business, but you posted on an Internet forum...

WorraLiberty · 25/05/2012 23:32

it's not easy and you are absolutely not allowed to feel guilty, whatever you decide. Whatever you decide is right!

That's it totally in a nutshell.

Just do what you think is best and don't feel the remotest sense of guilt.

Your baby will be fine no matter what you choose to do.

Destrier · 25/05/2012 23:32

ps YABU

babylann · 25/05/2012 23:32

Yanbu. You can't help the way you feel. You're doing really well and can look back with pride whatever your decision is now.

Springforward · 25/05/2012 23:33

It's entirely your choice and you shouldn't feel guilty whatever you decide, but FWIW I agree with the earlier posts saying that it gets easier, and 5 weeks is classic growth-spurt time.

It doesn't necessarily have to be a straight BF/ FF choice though - some mums express to get a bit of time off, some mix-feed for same reason.

I thought it was OK to drink in moderation while BFing too.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 25/05/2012 23:34

Ds1 is six. He's been so patient but I just feel like a shit mum for him right now. That might not be that better if we were bottle feeding would it? I put him to bed tonight and got in for a cuddle. He went 'yay its my turn' :(

OP posts:
MoonlightandRoses · 25/05/2012 23:35

Congratulations on the new arrival!

Admittedly I might be projecting here as ended up EBF'ing via expressing for 8 weeks and moved fully to FF by 10 weeks and wish I could have managed BF / direct BF for a lot longer but...

If it's stressing you out to the extent that it's going to affect your relationship with the new arrival, then YANBU and definitely do consider changing your feeding routine. If it's only mildly irritating, then possibly YABU and maybe try persevering through the cluster feeding.

However, given you had a bout of mastitis, you might want to consider mixed feeding for a little while anyway to allow the milk production to slow down before stopping altogether.

naturalbaby · 25/05/2012 23:36

I have just finished BF my last baby and this is the end of a long road - 3 yrs BF 3 babies. I felt just like you do so many times it nearly drove me mad, and the more I thought it the more I started to resent each feed.
I am very sad that it's all over and thrilled to have my boobies back to myself!.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 25/05/2012 23:37

Destrier I know its selfish, I admitted that.

OP posts:
TheCreepingLurgy · 25/05/2012 23:38

I wouldn't, but I'm not you.

You could express some milk so you could go an evening out.

I felt sex would be painful, more to do with the fanjo trauma of child birth than breast feeding, until well after six weeks. After fanjo recovered it was more tiredness than breastfeeding which tempered my libido. IME lack of sex drive was not related to breastfeeding, but others may have had different experiences.

Plus baby's routines change a lot during the first months. You may feel like you're sitting on the sofa all day now, but in a few weeks time he may have regular and longer naps and it will feel a lot more manageable. This will give you time to spend with DS1 as well as perhaps taking some time for yourself.

A second child is overwhelming, but it will get easier as you and DS2 will get into a routine that suits you both. Breastfeeding an older baby is rewarding in itself as well, as it will look lovingly up to you, and give you an irreplacable bonding experience. It won't be the one-sided boring thing that it may seem to you now. So yes, I would say, don't give up yet!

Goodluck!