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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to stop breastfeeding just because...

204 replies

takingiteasy · 25/05/2012 23:18

I do? Oh I dunno if I'm making much sense but here goes. Ds2 is almost 5 weeks old. Both he and I took to feeding really well and have had no real problems. He's gained a pound since birth, sleeps well, only gets up once in the night and is very content. I took a bout of mastitis a couple of weeks back but we fed through it and coped.

So in spite of all this I am thinking about stopping. My reasons are so selfish. I feel like I do nothing but feed I swear I'm going to get pressure sores from sitting on the sofa. I haven't spent any decent time with ds1 and miss that. Thinkin forward I would quite like a night off sometime in the next wee while and a gin

In all honesty I wasn't expecting to get this far. I only made it ti day 5 with ds1 and have no guilt. I sais I'd give it another go this time round but really didn't think it would work and here I am looking for an excuse to stop. All the while there are women putting themselves through hell to do it.

I also have zero.sex.drive which is no fun.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 26/05/2012 03:19

Yanbu and it's not selfish to think about ff. Babies take up alot of time and energy regardless of how they are fed.

Maybe try expressing if you need a break

Jnice · 26/05/2012 04:07

You are going through the hardest part of bf. soon lo will become more efficient and alert and want quick feeds with nice gaps between. Then it will be easier than bottle feeding which can be a pita in the night time.

I think it would be a shame for you to give up now, it is the best food for a baby under 6m (and beyond) and you have no trouble feeding. So I do think yabu.

But your body, your choice.

Ispy · 26/05/2012 04:11

3 kids.bf # 1 and #3. gave up early on # 2 and formula fed. No justification needed. I am an excellent mother. :-)

LST · 26/05/2012 05:39

YANBU at all!! It's up to you how you feed your baby.

MsPaperbackWriter · 26/05/2012 06:29

Well as you asked I think yabuvu and I despair at the desperate need of some new mothers to get back to their own selfish needs. Your baby is happily breastfeeding and you are managing it with no real issues and it will offer baby a lifetime of goodness but you want to dismiss that and give up. Breast milk at such a young age will make so much difference to baby and reduce the risk of so many problems such a gastroenteritis etc and is a beautiful way for him to bond with you as he is enjoying the feeds. The first three months are hard but it gets easier but so many women - like you it seems - just want to give up because it is 'hard work' Hmm
As for the 'your boobs, your choice' bollocks... What ever happened to putting the needs of a SMALL baby first? Breastfeeding gives your baby so many benefits, can't you put your selfishness on hold for a bit?

Up to you at the end of the day but I have no respect for that kind of decision when bf is going so well. (oh and I had repeated mastitis so I know that that can be hard).

thefurryone · 26/05/2012 06:33

It's entirely up to you, but if things are going well then it is worth thinking about whether you'll get what you actually want from stopping. Babies are time intensive and no matter how you feed your baby there will be less time available for your older DS, particularly in these first few weeks.

I found BFing really hard both mentally and physically, as I was just totally overwhelmed by being totally responsible for DS's food supply. We introduced a bottle in the evening that DH would give him when he got home from work, and the plan was to switch totally, but just that one bottle was actually enough. The pressure was a little bit eased I had a bit of time to do something that felt pre-baby normal.

Anyway the point of my rsmble is that it doesn't have to be either or.

Longdistance · 26/05/2012 06:33

Feed your baby however you like, it's your baby, and long as he/she is fed, there's no issue.
I seriously know what you mean about just sitting there feeding. Dd2 was like this, and I never lost any weight bf with either of mine even though they were fed for 8 months (got bored).
I had ductal thrush, thrush, nipple trauma, and still continued. Looking back, I wish I just gave up, so I would have a less stressful time of it.
Good Luck with whatever you do x

molly3478 · 26/05/2012 06:38

Its up to you but I dont think bfing has to stop you doing any of that. I have a 6 week old its been boiling hot all week and I have been out all day from 9am until at least 4/5pm. I just stick her in up right sling pull top on latch on and go whereever I like and have had no sofa sitting. I was doing it on top of a climbing frame with dd1 yesterday! Been in the sandpit, down the beach, Slings are the best because they mean you dont have to slow your usual pace.

I have been having a drink when I want one to, also planning on getting absolutely battered in 3 weeks on a special do out with my friends. Im just pumping and leaving dh to it.

We have been having sex since week 2 as well, and personally I cant say it made any difference. However I dont think it really matters either way .

I have to say I am liking the nights though I havent got out of bed once at night since she has been born which has been brilliant

NurseBernard · 26/05/2012 06:44

Breastfeeding totally comes into its own - but those who (often through no fault of their own) don't manage to establish it can have no appreciation of how easy it does become. And it really only gets properly established after the 6 week point.

Seriously - it was the lack of faff which had me continue for so long. I have an abhorrence of faff, so it was perfect for me.

Downandoutnumbered · 26/05/2012 06:50

YANBU. Breastfeeding can be a pretty miserable experience. I fed DS for 15 months in the end but I absolutely hated it, and if I'd had an older child who needed me I'd have thrown in the towel at about your stage. I couldn't bear being chained to the sofa for hours and hours, and we didn't find a sling that worked for us till really late on: DS wasn't one of those babies who get more efficient, so even right at the end when we were down to one feed a day it could easily take 40 minutes.

But if you do want to carry on, definitely don't let it stop you having some gin! I had a glass of wine most nights all the time I was feeding DS.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 26/05/2012 06:53

Thanks for the replies, the support and the brutal honesty. I suppose I am selfish. My pregnancy felt long, really long, and I am yearning to get back to normal. I suppose I never anticipated it actually working.

I also never seen myself as one of those mums. I went to a local support group during the week. It felt like a 'who has it the hardest' competition with everyone comparing their nightmare tales of bleeding nipples, no sleep etc. I felt like a total fraud as I'm not having a nightmare time and if I was I'd give up in a shot.

OP posts:
molly3478 · 26/05/2012 06:59

Have you practiced with bottle? I have been doing it like a military operation to ensure I get on this night out in 3 weeks. I wanted to make sure I started early enough so she wouldnt be a bottle refuser. She was having none of it a couple of weeks back but now she is taking a full bottle with no fuss.

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 26/05/2012 07:04

I nearly quit, but then probably because if guilt inept going. And I'm so glad I did. I gets so much easier. I fed my dd til 12 months, and by that stage there is no way I could be arsed with sterilising bottles and making up formula. My supply totally dropped back too to match demand and so I had no more leaking or engorgement etc. But if you want to stop that's fine! Smile

realhousewifeofdevoncounty · 26/05/2012 07:06

Because of guilt kept going - iPhone fail.

rarebreed · 26/05/2012 07:09

You have done fabulously, do what you think is best.

I don't think it's selfish at all.

Original poster
takingiteasy · 26/05/2012 07:10

He takes a bottle no problem and has had formula a few times with no issues. My mum took him for a few hours the other week and he took 4oz without batting an eye.

I think that's my next step. I really fancy a night out! I might get something planned and work at getting a stock of expressed built up. Might also look at dh doing the last feed or even the one before so I can do bath and bed with ds1 as I'm really missing that.

I guess it doesn't have to be as all or nothing as I thought.

OP posts:
willyoustillloveme · 26/05/2012 07:15

Totally up to you. You can drink while bf BTW. Smile

kickingking · 26/05/2012 07:22

I am feeling the same. Fed my eldest for 12 months and loved it.

DS2 is 8 weeks. Breastfeeding this time bores me. I know exactly what you mean about pressure sores! It just seems so so boring. I hate the way it restricts my clothes. I hate leaking. I hate being the it one who can feed him. I hate that I haven't spent any time with DS1 for weeks.

I don't know why I feel like this this time. I will probably keep going though, as I know if I don't feed him I will just end up washing and sterilising bottles and hate that as well!

kickingking · 26/05/2012 07:35

I reckon if I wasn't breastfeeding, I'd still do 90% of feeds AND 100% of bottle washing and all that, and I'd hate and resent that instead. So I might as well keep going.

Plus, it is pretty unjust to give one child an advantage over the other just because I'm bored.

Ishoes · 26/05/2012 07:48

Hands paperbackwriter a martyr medal-oh wait they dont existGrin

For all the smug bf militia-my dcs were almost exclusively ff and are the healthiest kids I know-havent been to the doctors in years. All my friends who bf have sickly kids who are never away from the doctors. Plus my friends babies are well over one year old still feeding 3 and 4 times a night-no thanks!

Op you have given your baby agreat start by managing to bf for this long-a big well done from me! if you are not happy doing it then stop-IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD OR SELFISH MOTHERAngry

molly3478 · 26/05/2012 07:58

Yeah I would just try that first op. I am getting dh to do full nights of feeds so I can go out as I have quite a few social things Im off to over the summer. I dont want it to be just cause I bf that I have to do everything as its not fair on you imo.

Offred · 26/05/2012 07:58

The only thing I'd say is the problems you list are not to do with breastfeeding. You don't have to feed sitting down, get a carrier/sling and feed in that. Use the sling for feeding while you play with ds (what I did) which actually means you have a lot of extra time to spend because babies feed often. I really don't see how formula would help with that since you have the extra time spent properly making feeds and washing bottles to contend with as well as the time spent with two hands full feeding the baby - you don't need any hands to breastfeed.

I don't see why a lack of sex life is down to breastfeeding either. And you can have a gin just don't sleep with the baby.

It is your choice to give up but none of the things you have mentioned can't be easily sorted out and some are just out and out myths so whilst I think it is up to you to make your own choice it irritates me to see the usual unfounded myths about breastfeeding being perpetuated on this thread.

RandomNumbers · 26/05/2012 08:00

paperbackwriter that was an unnecessary and unkind post

OP you have done brilliantly so far; express and have your night out, see how you feel; do remember that not every baby is a speedy bottle feeder so you may end up replacing lengthy BFs with lengthy FFs if you try mix feeding

congratulations on the birth of your baby

Kayano · 26/05/2012 08:16

Why can't they lay the advantages of bf out in plain English

Ie//
Instead of Breastfeeding prevents illness

Why can't they give figures like 'your child will have 1 more cold in their first year

disclaimer not real figures

So people could better judge if it's better for them and their personal circumstances.

I know ear infection prevention is quite high though

ShakeWhatYourMamaGaveYou · 26/05/2012 08:39

YANBU. Also you are not being selfish, you are still looking after your baby's needs. Just in a different way. Yes, breast may be 'best' in a lot of cases but ff comes very close, it is not something to feel guilty about.