to want to stop breastfeeding just because...

[takingiteasy]

I do? Oh I dunno if I'm making much sense but here goes. Ds2 is almost 5 weeks old. Both he and I took to feeding really well and have had no real problems. He's gained a pound since birth, sleeps well, only gets up once in the night and is very content. I took a bout of mastitis a couple of weeks back but we fed through it and coped.

So in spite of all this I am thinking about stopping. My reasons are so selfish. I feel like I do nothing but feed I swear I'm going to get pressure sores from sitting on the sofa. I haven't spent any decent time with ds1 and miss that. Thinkin forward I would quite like a night off sometime in the next wee while and a gin

In all honesty I wasn't expecting to get this far. I only made it ti day 5 with ds1 and have no guilt. I sais I'd give it another go this time round but really didn't think it would work and here I am looking for an excuse to stop. All the while there are women putting themselves through hell to do it.

I also have zero.sex.drive which is no fun.

Every one has jumped on paperbacks case, but really she wasn't being nasty, just stating an opinion, and a somewhat blunt, but alternative offer of support.

What I find funny is so many people find it perfectly acceptable to tell a woman who is going through a difficult phase of feeding, "it's ok love, you can give up, don't feel bad" when really maybe all the mum needs is some encouragement and support that she is giving her baby a great start in life and that it does get easier. Maybe if we changed our thinking and the way we support each other then breast feeding rates would be higher.

I know it's hard to split yourself in two OP with regards to sharing attention for children, but maybe breast feeding is life's first lesson in sharing, and taking turns and being part of a family? Can you include DS in the feeds- maybe he can brush your hair or massage your shoulders or something like that (not sure if boys do that sort of thing), or you can watch a movie together, or he could read the baby a story? You also could talk to him as an allay in the care of baby- mine lap that up

The best advice I have ever heard is that breast feeding is a commitment. Like a marriage. It's not easy and you have to work at it. Anyone else like to jump on the "leave the bastard" train?

Great post idocrazythings. I agree with paperback, just not as brave as her to be that honest. I also think that teaching your older child to share you is important and can be done in a positive way. You have some great ideas there! I muddled through with far too much dependence on my iPad.

Dairynips - you know, IME the problem is not so much sounding militant about bfing. Most pro-bf posters on this thread have written about it thoughtfully and respectfully.

However, on MN there are plenty of people who are very hypersensitive about the bfing issue, and therefore will readily misinterpret any pro-breastfeeding comments as being militant. I do feel deeply for people who've struggled with breastfeeding (as have I over the years), and those who have genuinely been treated judgmentally for not bfing. But from what I've seen, most of the misinterpretation is down to the individual's own baggage. They need to be honest with themselves about that instead of levelling misdirected accusations at others.

Maya I do agree there is a lot of hyper-sensitivity to any pro breastfeeding info, not just on Mn either. It's hard, it's a very emotive subject and it's difficult to try and pass on the right info without appearing as if you're shoving info down people's necks! I have struggled massively to breastfeed, my ds1 was mostly formula fed in the end. I'm glad formula was there to use but looking back, if I'm totally honest I know that I could have bfed for longer if only the right information and support had been available to me at the time. It's not the fact that some people choose to formula feed and some people choose to breastfeed that concerns me, it's the fact that so many people make this decision based on a massive amount of misinformation.

Do they though?!

I got so many leaflets in pregnancy about feeding my baby and I can assure you not one of them even mentioned formula or safe preparation

Misinformation? Nah not a chance

I really don't think the problem is misinformation. For women who actually want to breastfeed and find they can't, I think it's a combination of dishonesty about how difficult breastfeeding often is in the first few weeks (so women struggle on for a week or two in pain, conclude they must be doing it wrong and give up) and total lack of any practical support - so the odds are no-one will spot if your baby has a bad latch, for instance.

But I don't think it does anyone any good being sanctimonious about it. Yes, over a whole population, breast is better (marginally better in the developed world, very significantly better in countries where most women don't have access to clean water and the means of heating it). But for any individual child in the West, I don't think you can say categorically that breastfeeding or not, especially after the early weeks, makes a massive difference to the baby's well-being - not as much difference as having a mother who's going quietly mad because she hates breastfeeding so much, for example.

Down, I would call that misinformation!

And I also disagree that bfing is marginally better for babies in the developed world. FF can't provide the immune system support - which also covers any new bugs picked up by the mother and child as time goes on. It's also far easier on the baby's developing digestive system.

Another thing is that some researchers have suggested that the unique nature of the breastfed baby's suckling mechanism may lead to earlier and clearer speaking, as the vocal muscles get a thorough workout. This certainly happened with my two (there's a bit of scientific evidence for ya ) and I can tell you it made a mahoosive difference when we hit the terrible twos, as they were able to explain their frustrations!

Yes, there is a lot of misinformation. I don't really mean about the 'benefits' of Breastfeeding. Most people know why Breastfeeding is good. I'm talking about myths about how breastfeeding works and information passed from person to person that can undermine a woman's confidence whilst trying to breastfeed. For example, relatives saying to a Breastfeeding mother 'oh lo is feeding again, mustn't be getting enough milk' or a bfing mother being told a bottle of formula will solve any sleep problems. That's just a few examples but there are loads.. Then, as you mention there's lack of support from health professionals, no one spotting a tongue tie.. I agree ladies don't get a clear idea of how Breastfeeding can be before hand, like the pain you mention, loads of women experience pain at first. For some this may indicate a problem with the latch, for others it might just be that way for a week or two till things settle down. I have never experienced pain like the pain I felt when breastfeeding at first, the first time I felt I was a failure, the second time I expected it. If it wasn't for the support I received from a lactation consultant I would have stopped bfing when I really didn't want to stop. If women want to breastfeed then they should be offered the correct info and support every time. Its so hit and miss, depends where you live and who you see whether you get that or not, that's not fair as a lot of women are being let down and cheated out of doing something they really wanted to do.

I totally agree that if breasfeeding is driving someone mad emotionally then no one should force them to carry on. However, it depends what the reasons are that they are being 'driven mad' by it, if it's unrealistic expectations or pain that can be resolved then speaking to experts or ladies in the same position can really help.

Fair comment, it is misinformation, Maya! But I think not of the same kind that was mentioned a little further up the thread: Offred and Dairynips were talking about the information that's given to mothers about the health benefits of breastfeeding. I was very well informed about those, so I struggled on with the feeding, feeling miserable and resenting DS.

And, if we're trading in anecdote, DS was exclusively breastfed till 6 months and is so slow to talk that we've asked for a referral to a SALT (he's nearly 2).

Hi op, I've skipped a lot of pages but it does seem like there is some good views on here, here's my 2p:

DS fed for 45min-1hr every 2hours in the first 6-8 weeks day and night, but by 8+ weeks feeds sped up to only taking 20mins and woke more like every 4 hours in the night. By 12-ish weeks feeds only took 15 mins and by 16 weeks only 5 mins! That's a lot quicker than a baby can down a bottle! When I did give ds formula (I almost gave up bf in the early days), he still only went 2 hours between feeds, oh and he turned out to be intolerant to cows milk so threw up and screamed a lot more!

Unless you have someone with you most of the time I assume you will be the one to make the bottle and feed the baby anyway so not sure if you will gain more time/free yourself up at all? I'm assuming ds is in school so its only after school til bedtime and weekends that you need to be a bit "free-er"?

What got me through was going to support groups. I'm in the lucky position of mostly being surrounded by other bf-ers so to me, it's seems like we have it easy compared to FF-ers.

I know what you mean about the sex drive though, 3 weeks post-partum I was raring to go but my body wasn't (bleeding) and I was to knackered to do it (sorry I chose sleep for a good few weeks longer!). Strange combo horny but exhausted!

I can't offer much on what to do with DS1 as I only have my PFB so far but only you can decide what is right for you and your family, but please remember that this is just a short phase :)

Hi OP
Well done for getting the first few weeks over and done with. I found the first eight weeks the toughest and then it started to settle down. The feeds got quicker and the length between feeds got longer. By 10 weeks one was sleeping through and 14 weeks for the other one (twins). I used to give them a formula feed in the evening as i found that my milk supply would be very low and I was shattered.It also meant my husband got some one on one time with either of the boys. That one evening bottle worked for us, and we don't have any others.Maybe you could express rf do a ff in the evening, which your partner could do and then you could have quality bedtime with your other child?
The feeding pattern at the moment won't stay like that, it will change and you will start to feel like your life is getting its way back on track.

Let's keep it fair and equal. If the don't give uppers are allowed to illustrate the benefits of bf using personal anecdote, then so are the don't feel guilty-ers.

I was given so much support and info I was drowning in it. But I hated being the only one who could feed DS, and he wouldn't take a bottle of expressed milk. So I stopped bf after about 11 weeks.

It was great, suddenly my world opened up again, and I got my body back. DS thrived and is a v strong and lively two year old.

I don't need anybody to 'give me information', thanks - I'm pretty intelligent and have access to google etc. Finding info has never been a problem for me.

Down no, I wasn't talking about the misinformation given to mothers about the benefits of breastfeeding, if you see my last post, just before yours I explained what I meant by misinformation. I am no expert but I am a breastfeeding peer supporter and I hear a lot of examples of the misinformation of which I speak all the time. The issue goes a lot deeper than what leaflets are given to new mothers.

Thanks Jnice that's really kind . I agree with all the above posts, and I think the main issue is that breast feeding is just not seen as normal in our society. People want to hide away behind closed doors, express to take milk out or hide in the "feeding rooms" I think it's really sad. Other "less developed countries" feed their children on average to age four- because it's normal to and encouraged. My other bug-bear is how dad/grandmother/the mailman wants to feed the baby to bond. So the mum feels pressured into expressing or giving formula There's loads of other things they can do, is feeding really the number one bonding experience?

I always tried to breast feed in public (discretely) but I never hid away as I wanted to be an example to others that may not feel so open about it. To my knowledge no one ever has got an "eyeful". There are some really great feeding singlets which you can wear under any normal shirt, which are extra long and hide the "mummy tummy" and "back fat"!

Any one who thinks the gap between formula and breast milk is narrowing (ESP. In developed counties) may like to look at this developmental comparison study www.rainestudy.org.au/studies/research/nutrition

Right I've got most of it off my (still lactating) chest I'm going to try to put it out of my mind for the rest of the night.

But I don't think it does anyone any good being sanctimonious about it. Yes, over a whole population, breast is better (marginally better in the developed world, very significantly better in countries where most women don't have access to clean water and the means of heating it). But for any individual child in the West, I don't think you can say categorically that breastfeeding or not, especially after the early weeks, makes a massive difference to the baby's well-being

Thats it exactly. Big picture it doesn't really matter what route you take, so do whatever works.

My post was supposed to go through about 1 hour ago but I got distracted.

Not read it all buy can totally relate. I'm currently feeding my very hungry 3.5 week old. Not in the breast feeding militia and just sits rolled with it. I gave him 4oz of formula at bedtime today to buy me some sleep as I was gunna crack up and that's made a difference. I think I'm gunna keep that up so I keep my sanity. Happy mum happy baby. You are many roles in life, not just a mum. You don't have to give up who you are to become a mum and if breast feeding takes up too much of your time then switch. Personally I think combining is gunna work for us for a bit.

I should add, he hadn't slept more tonight. He's just calmer and his manic 11- god knows when I'm deleriusly tired crazy feed has been more subdued so I'm enjoying him breast feeding more

Down - really that's just your opinion. Breastfeeding still makes a big difference to health in developed countries, also well being and neurological development. The benefits for mothers and babies are often proportionally linked to longevity of feeding. What you are confusing is mortality. In western wealthy countries bf/ff doesn't make a massive difference to infant mortality. It still makes a significant measurable difference to the lifelong health of mothers and babies.

Exactly - it's very hard to disentangle the effects of breastfeeding from the kinds of mothers who are most likely to breastfeed, who are more likely than the average to be highly educated, reasonably paid, live in decent conditions, be in stable relationships etc etc, all of which has a very strong influence on infant health and neurological development.

I don't have a personal axe to grind: I fed DS exclusively to 6 months, and carried on till he was 15 months. But I think people who tell mothers that they must breastfeed because anything else is going to be terrible for the baby are overstating the case, and making women feel guilty (and therefore defensive about their choices) to no purpose.

Destrier in your opinion. What an unhelpful post. I think YOU are the one who is unreasonable. Have a

Don't listen any stupid comments about you being selfish etc. Do what's right for you and your child :)

Well done you for thinking of your other son.To be honest his needs would be just as much as a priority as my newborn if it was me.If I could I'd battle on(not if it makes your relationship miserable)but if your other son is still missing out I'm sorry but I'd be stopping or mixed feeding.

I speak as a mother who found bfing extremely slow and ffing fast.I switched at 6 weeks partly because it just took up so much time and my other dc needed and were entitled to me just as much.It was the best thing for us.

In the early weeks with ds3 DH took him in the sling for a little walk so I could do bedtime with ds1 & ds2. It can be done without resorting to ff. that's assuming there is a dp to help. On days when he's been away we all snuggle up in bed and read bedtime stories during the bf session. If ds2 fell asleep in my bed I would carry him through later.