to want to stop breastfeeding just because...

[takingiteasy]

I do? Oh I dunno if I'm making much sense but here goes. Ds2 is almost 5 weeks old. Both he and I took to feeding really well and have had no real problems. He's gained a pound since birth, sleeps well, only gets up once in the night and is very content. I took a bout of mastitis a couple of weeks back but we fed through it and coped.

So in spite of all this I am thinking about stopping. My reasons are so selfish. I feel like I do nothing but feed I swear I'm going to get pressure sores from sitting on the sofa. I haven't spent any decent time with ds1 and miss that. Thinkin forward I would quite like a night off sometime in the next wee while and a gin

In all honesty I wasn't expecting to get this far. I only made it ti day 5 with ds1 and have no guilt. I sais I'd give it another go this time round but really didn't think it would work and here I am looking for an excuse to stop. All the while there are women putting themselves through hell to do it.

I also have zero.sex.drive which is no fun.

I'm so glad I posted this. Am actually smiling at lovely replies. And even the odd not so lovely ones give me something to think about.

This morning I've been out playing football with my son. We went to the shop for a slush and played the park. Its been lovely. I think I've been a bit of a martyr in not being apart from the baby. He's slept in the 2 hours I've been away. I was only 5 minutes away if he did need me.

I've lost sight of what life with a newborn is like and I never had anyone else to consider 6 years ago. You are all right in saying a lot of the things I'm feeling aren't exclusive to the fact I'm breastfeeding. They are because I have a new baby.

OP, my DS is 4 months, DD is 2.4. The first 12 weeks or so of having 2 DC have been hardest emotionally and mentally, I have beaten myself up putting myself in DD's position, suddenly sharing her parents with this time and effort-consuming little fellow. I have tried very hard to involve her, make her feel special, lessen any sadness or confusion she might be feeling and it's become much easier as he's got older. He beams at her now, they are starting to interact and she's beginning to see that having a little brother might be quite fun after all. It's lovely to watch the relationship develop.

I think this tough period, for her and for me wanting to protect her happy little self, would have been tough whether I was bf or ff to be honest. The family dynamic has changed and that's what we needed to get through.

I bf but that's my choice, your choice is yours and it's your business alone. Feeds are shorter, easier and often on the move now, and we do Mummy-DD things while DS naps. I often make a point of saying 'DS, just hang on a minute, I'm playing with DD right now' if he's just beginning to fuss (early stage fussing, not all-out 'I need something' yelling!), just so she knows that being patient isn't just down to her.

Whatever you decide to do, it won't matter. What matters is that your children will (hopefully!) have a great friend for life and how they were fed will be completely irrelevant.

And the waffle award goes to... erm, me.

And x-post with OP. I give up.

Glad you are feeling more positive OP - it will get even easier.

Do what's feels right for you in relation to this issue and any other decision you have to make for your children.

I follow this mantra in relation to my children's homework too - I hate helping them, it's like pulling teeth. It makes me stressed and upset. So I don't do it. If they don't do it on their own (they usually don't) it doesn't get done.

You can also follow this rule in relation to cooking and cleaning up after them. As long as they are fed on SOMETHING that ensures reasonable growth and health, and as long as it's not so messy that SS need to get involved, you can't go far wrong.

It results in very RELAXED parenting.

Shagmund I like your style!

Motherhood is not a competition.

And shag yes totally agree.

Well I am very very amused at the amount of people comig at me for having an opinion and coming to the conclusion I am bitter! Nope, actuallly very happy mum and very proud of having breastfed/stillbreastfeeding my youngest. The op wanted opinions and I gave mine, if it makes some of you feel insecure or defensive that's yours problem, not mine. I feel very happy with my opinion and only find defensive attacks on my opinion amusing so whatever! Oh and ishoos I wondered how long it would be before someone tried to say that their ff babies are so healthy and all the bf babies thu know are not (nonsense by the way - formula can never touch the goodnessnof breastmilk) so you win a medal for that old chesnut!
Yes, I think women should bf if they can for at least the recommended six months because guess what?! It's the best thing for baby and nothing else compares to te goodness of breastmilk. But there will always be those who will scream and shout at this as they can't stand the fact it is true.

'I follow this mantra in relation to my children's homework too - I hate helping them, it's like pulling teeth. It makes me stressed and upset. So I don't do it. If they don't do it on their own (they usually don't) it doesn't get done.'

hmmm, not sure if I agree with that! There are plenty of things I hate doing, but as a parent I have to do them anyway. I hate helping with homework, but I see that as my job as a parent.

I don't think it's an analogy comparable to bfing btw.

Homework is an extension of learnt knowledge in the classroom. If my Dcs don't understand a maths question for example then I write a note to the teacher to go over it again in class.

I am not a teacher and of course offer support and other learning experiences to Dcs but IMO if children need lots of help with homework then the teaching in school is inadequate.

I refuse to be one of those parents who 'do the homework for my kids'.

I work full time and want to spend my evenings chilling out with my kids not doing the teachers job.

I just dont get why women think BF is a competition, who does it the most, who does it best and who does it longest. Motherhood is a huge life-change and a shitty competitive attitude is not needed. Yes i am on about you writer woman!

Why are some people horrified by Bottle feeding?

thebody - by writing that note to the teacher, you are helping your child with their homework. You are taking an interest, registering the fact that they cannot do it, and you are taking action to help them. You are helping the child rather then doing their homework for them.

Yanbu. It does get easier but if you want to stop then just do it. Only faceless people on mn will judge, people irl won't give a toss

as long as your feeding your baby and looking after it, dont worry about the rest. Feed it however you prefer.

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/may/25/breastfeeding-backlash-zoe-williams

i liked this article i saw today

Old Chestnut or not, the FACT is that all 3 of my FF kids are wonderfully healthy. Not a single one of them suffers from allergies, digestion problems or anything. Only one of them has ever been to hospital and that was with a grumbling appendix aged 12.

Of course breast is best...but is it really best when a mother feels the way the OP does? Some mothers spiral into despair before they finally realise it's OK to admit 'defeat' and move on to FF.

Breastfeeding is just one part of feeding your children a healthy diet. The other part is making sure they eat a healthy diet and get enough exercise until they become adults.

That latter part is what so many parents are getting wrong...whether they breastfed or not - hence the alarming rise in obesity and all the life threatening conditions/illnesses that go with it.

Look at the bigger pitcture OP and make the right choice for you and your child, no matter what anyone else says.

Breastfeeding your children, helping them with their homework - it all benefits them. Doesn't mean you have to do it.

I don't agree that not doing these things makes no difference to your child as lots of posters seem to think. (well - breastfeeding anyway). It does make a difference. Even if you can't measure it. Still doesn't mean you have to do it. You can do what you like. You just have to be prepared to take responsibility for your choices. And I think a bit more honesty wouldn't go amiss sometimes. To say 'I know this isn't optimal for my child but I still want to do it, rather than tying yourself in knots in an attempt to prove how pleasing yourself is in your child's best interests. Because sometimes it's not. So man up and admit it.

Worra - there is a difference between finding the early days of breastfeeding very intense and a bit onerous and 'spiralling into despair', which suggests serious PND. I'd be very surprised if more than a fraction of the 90% of UK mums who stop breastfeeding earlier than they intended were 'spiralling into despair'. I suspect the majority stop because they're not enjoying it (for whatever reason - from common difficulties to simply not having been prepared for how full on it can be) . And because ff is seen as being pretty normal and ff babies just the same as bf babies 'not enjoying' bf seems a reasonable rationale for stopping.

I would not stop breastfeeding for OP's reasons. Don't understand why OP asked, though, she doesn't need to justify the reason to anyone but herself. Not the sort of decision that should be made in the court of MN opinion.

OP I am really, really glad you wrote this thread. DS1 is v. demanding toddler, DC2 is due in December, and I am looking back at the first couple of months' of DS' life and remembering sitting and feeding, sitting and feeding, and I've been wondering how I'll cope. Reading some of the replies about how people manage with a second child, and ShowofHands' post which actually made me a bit teary (I am pregnant, I am crying at everything!) has been really helpful and reassuring.

I spent a bit of time on the feeding boards when DS was very new saying "Argh! I can't put him down! What am I doing wrong?" and some lovely women said "erm, it's not the breastfeeding, love, it's the fact that he's a newborn. Put him in a sling and get on with your day." ... and it did save my sanity. But I'd forgotten that 'must be held' phase.... and yes, it drove me nearly bonkers! So, erm, this thread has really helped me, and thank you! Whatever you decide to do (and I am biased pro-BF for my family as I think it's snuggly and lovely and makes babies so happy, but honestly I couldn't give a badger's arse what you do) - good luck and thank you for this thread :)

I get where you are coming from OP, I am bfing my 2nd currently. (5mos)

I actually wanted to mix-feed but he will not take a bottle (any type of bottle, of any kind of milk) I still spend most of the day sat on my arse and I keep discovering that my 3yo DD has drawn in new and exciting not-paper places because I can't keep a close enough eye on her... oh and she watches masses of telly. Plus being knackered at the end of pregnancy I feel like poor DD has had a hell of a lot of bad parenting from me, and since both DC have got exzema anyway the bf is not particularly worth it!

I really regret not starting the bottles earlier. I only want him to have one or two a day (the same as DD had from 10days) and not having the choice is making me feel very claustrophobic and ground down.

If you do want to introduce bottles I'd recommend you do it soon!

Fair point Shagmundfreud but when a woman is post birth and hormonal, sometimes it doesn't take much to set them on that downward spiral.

And overly rotten posts like paperback's really don't help imo.

As an aside...but still linked to the subject, I wonder how many staunch breastfeeders then allowed their children to become overweight/obese and under exercised by the time they were at primary school?

I remember that early stage and it was intense to say the least. It's especially hard when you have another child as well.

Tbh, the only thing which really stopped me from at least mix feeding the second time around, was the fact DS2 wouldn't take a bottle and also that I ebf DS1 and felt I should do the same for DS2. Looking back, I am glad I stuck it out but I also remember how claustrophobic it made me feel at times.

5 weeks is young and you are doing so well, especially as you've worked through mastitis too. I could tell you what I would do, but that's pointless as it's not my life and my baby we are talking about here is it.

The fact you feel you need to validate your decision does lead me to think you're not entirely at ease with the idea of giving up bf all together. Can you express and have a night out that way? Does your baby take bottles already?

Ultimately it is YOUR decision and you need to do what's best for you (I wonder how many times that sentence will be in this thread!).

Oh yes, a stretchy sling is an absolute lifesaver. It's the only thing which allowed me to continue to give DS1 a decent existence and bf DS2 every five minutes.