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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

299 replies

PizzaSlut · 04/05/2012 23:21

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

OP posts:
Notalone · 04/05/2012 23:25

I don't have wins nor 2/3 close together. However, I would imagine having twins hs probably a bit harder han 2 closer together. 2 newborns and everything having to be purchase at exactly the same time must surely be harder. At least with 2 closer together things are staggered a bit. But that is not to say 2 close together are a walk in the park too. I would envision both are difficult. My advice would be to try to avoid competitive tiredness / parenting because it is not constructive or beneficial to anyone. Smile

Catsdontcare · 04/05/2012 23:25

Did they say it was harder or just that it is hard?

Notalone · 04/05/2012 23:26

Please excuse my shocking typing too lol Smile

treadwarily · 04/05/2012 23:27

I think what is unreasonable is to assume anything about how "easy" or "hard" anyone else has it.

You know how it is for you and they know how it is for them. It's not a competition, you are all busy parents.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/05/2012 23:28

I don't know...

2 lots of nappies, wipes, formula (if ff) baby stuff like cots, high chairs bedding.

2 lots of school uniforms especially when they start secondary and seem to need loads of shit they'll actually use.

2 lots of expensive school trips at the same time, same deadline.

2 lots of uni fees/college fees.

I don't have twins btw but to my mind it does seem harder in some ways. You can't pass anything down atall, even unisex stuff.

hhhhhhh · 04/05/2012 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghoulsjustwannahavefun · 04/05/2012 23:28

I doubt it i have 3 dc, aged 8,6 and 3 yrs.
I work as a children's nurse and i think twins are damned hard work especially when small. 2 X getting woken for feeds and bum changes, wind and needing to be settled again, no thanks!
Maybe not so bad when older but i salute anybody who can manage all that when very small.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 04/05/2012 23:28

Not my specialist subject really as one of my twins died, but YABU anyway.

You chose to have two children close in age. Theirs happened by accident.
Yours are difficult and needy in different ways. Theirs have the same level of need in different ways.
So, you might have a toddler running off and a baby that needs to be held all day, but they have two babies needing to be held all the time (impossible) or two toddlers running in opposite directions.

AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 23:28

Not having the same costs in the same financial year is the point isn't it?

Unless you've had twins to compare to two children with a couple of years between them, you can't really judge.

The people saying it was hard didn't say it's harder than you have it, it's just a different kind of difficult.

Does 'it's not a competition' apply?

WorraLiberty · 04/05/2012 23:29

I take my hat off to anyone who copes with twins

I think the difference is, you don't plan them and having one newborn can be hard enough without two of them.

I'm sure lots of other people have it hard too though so it's never a good idea to get involved in competitive hardship.

TotemPole · 04/05/2012 23:30

Twins means no handing down clothes and toys. You'd need two sets at the same time period.

wonderstuff · 04/05/2012 23:31

Competitive suffering doesn't help anyone really does it. It would cost more having twins because you would have to buy two of lots of stuff you would be able to hand down even with two close together. But obviously children are expensive regardless. My theory is that the first year with twins is probably a total nightmare, but it would get easier because they would entertain each other. But it is hard, being a mum is hard.

CointreauVersial · 04/05/2012 23:32

My DSis has twins. It was certainly hard for her when they were newborn - she had a tough first year, really tough.

It was also a pain having to buy two of everything (no handmedowns).

But now they are older it is probably easier for her than it is for someone with two differently-aged DCs.

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/05/2012 23:33

YABVU. It's not a competition.

Original poster
PizzaSlut · 04/05/2012 23:35

Ok, I did not plan DC3, the youngest when they were small were both non sleeping, still in nappies and non verbal. We went through 24 hours without a break as 21 month could not be left in moses basket or cot while younger one slept.

We still have the financial costs as 2 are in a residential this year.

I would've happily had twins over my age gap.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 04/05/2012 23:37

No, you still ABU I'm afraid.

JaneFonda · 04/05/2012 23:38

I'm so sorry, Loopy :(

I have 8 month old DTs, and two DS's who are 5 and 8.

Financially, twins are more difficult because you have to have two of most things! However, I would say that they're somewhat easier than having a newborn and a nearly-3 year old, if you're looking at it from that angle.

Shelly32 · 04/05/2012 23:40

Ohh. I have twins. Financially it's been hard with 2 sets of everything and the cost of nursery .The cost is the same but staggered so more easily budgetable (if that's a word) when you have kids of a different age. Like it's been said before, it's not a competition. It depends on the child/children and it depends on the circumstances.
Lots of people I know try and make a point of saying how they have it 'just as hard' with kids of different ages. What is anyone trying to prove? We all have it hard but we've made the decision to have kids so deal with it!!

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 04/05/2012 23:40

I'm a nanny and would happily do/have done 2 or 3 siblings with small age gaps, but avoid twins (under 3) like the plague....so I think YABU when they're small, not so much when they're older.

AgentZigzag · 04/05/2012 23:40

It's fine to say you've found it a struggle at times OP, it just doesn't sound nice when you compare it to someone else's lot and try to minimize their struggle.

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 04/05/2012 23:41

Shelly, I just saw avoided you on another thread when you said the ages of your twins. You weren't on TC were you?

JaneFonda · 04/05/2012 23:41

As a slight disclaimer, I think most people's experiences will be different based on what kind of babies they have!

For me, my DTs are pretty easy-going and happy, but for someone with two newborns, both who might have colic, the experience would be majorly different.

Also depends on the ages of the twins - I'm sure by the time mine are toddling about I'll find it much more difficult!

LoopyLoopsTootTootToots · 04/05/2012 23:41

And thanks Jane :)

Meglet · 04/05/2012 23:42

yabu.

Only 22mo between my DC's. But at least there was a lull between the baby days, only one baby waking at a time and everything could be handed down.

GnomeDePlume · 04/05/2012 23:44

I have 3 DCs with two less than 2 years apart.

I take my pointy hat off to people with twins and more. They do have it harder:

  • two babies with colic
  • two babies teething at the same time
  • two babies toilet training
  • two DCs doing GCSEs

and on and on

I'm watching the cycling so I say 'chapeau!' to all parents of twins and more.