AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

[PizzaSlut]

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

I have twins. How hard "it" is obviously depends on what kinds of kids you have and what kinds of parents you are. Doh.

My friend had a DS then twins - gap of just over 2 years. I don't know how she copes but she does and I take my hat off to her. I wouldn't swap my position for hers.

With my twins I had to give up breastfeeding, i had no choice. I tried for a while but my eldest was 3 when my DTs were born. I found it just too difficult to breastfeed the DTs when out and about. They would scream on waking, when a feed was due, but impossible to feed both together on a park bench or in a sling. You do not have enough arms!

You need to be an octopus to hold one babe to breastfeed on your lap, then pick up the other baby (one-handed? I tried and could not manage) somehow then position that one on your other nipple. Also I could not find a way of covering up while feeding two, so at home only way I managed to feed both together was very very exposed. Could you do that sitting on a park bench??

As I had the three year old I could not stay in all day to feed the twins, and wind and settle them. She had to carry on at Pre-school as she would have missed it (her life was already upside down!) and even if we had abandoned that, it would have been so unfair to make her stay INDOORS all week, apart form weekends!!

When I was out and twins cried or needed a feed, unless you have had twins, you dont appreciate how stressful it is as you want to cuddle and comfort both of them but it IS IMPOSSIBLE to pick up two floppy newborns at the same time. I could latch one baby on at a playgroup, if the other asleep or ok, but often the second twin would wake and want a feed before I had finished first twin. Then my 3 year old would need me because she had fallen over, or was arguing over a toy with another toddler.... Breastfeeding had to go. BUT I had no choice in that at all. I just physically could not breastfeed them. Other mums with one babe and say a 2 and three year old could still breastfeed if they wanted. Its hard but they could keep babe latched on while tending to older ones, or ask a nearby mum to help.

When I met up with a friend who had 3 close together but no DT's it seemed much easier, she could and did breastfeed all of them, and had spare time to help out at a playgroup, which I never could have done.

BUt I don't KNOW it was easier for her because I have not been exactly in her shoes, so I can only guess??!! (Get it ?)

When my DH took one twin out for an hour or so and left me with just one baby and my 3 yr old it always seemed so easy and quiet, but that's probably cos I was not used to only one baby.- it seemed very easy to me-- but It all depends on what you are used to normally.

I don't think it's as cut and dry as being categorically easier having twins. It totally depends on the family and In my situation compared to a friend of mine it was though. We had our dd1s 5 years ago. I had dd2 2.8 years ago and she had ddt a couple of months ago while I had ds.
We both comment that actually it did seem a lot harder for me. Financially she got a lot of extra gov subsidies / benefits such as funding for a nanny as this was a multiple birth. (we don't live in the uk) . They also had the benefit of her working for 4 years in between so had more savings etc where I had more time out of the workforce (crap maternity pay for only 14 weeks here) and more expense in
childcare when I did go back.

I had horrendous refluxy, shouty newborn while she had angelic twins that when did become demanding could be handed over to govt paid nanny..
Her dd1 helped out with nappy changes and generally looked after herself with muinimal fuss whilst my dd2 weed and pood all over house threw food, tantrums deliberately woke baby and continually fought with dd1.

So it totally depends on your situation.. Parenting is hard no matter what age or gap etc and def not a competition! However in my case my friend turned round one day after dd1 and 2 had emptied full kitchen bin on floor whilat I was feeding ds "I would rather twins any day than what you have to deal with!"

If i had a nanny i would probably find it easier too.

Forgot to add that in general I see that twins must be EXTREMELY hard work, I did keep saying to myself through ds's horrid reflux phase 'thank GOD he's not a twin' !

YABU. Remember what it's like in the first few weeks? How hard it is? now double it.
My mum had twins - it's bloody hard going. They don't necessarily sleep at the same time, the feeding is double the time required, nappy changing also double - and all this when you've just given birth.

Yes having 2 close together can be hard as well - my sister found it so - but I think twins are harder, in the early days at least.

Also with twins, you're straight into paying 2 sets of childcare fees at the same time, whereas a lot of people wait until DC1 is getting a funded place or at school before having DC2 to spread the cost a bit. I would imagine that the calculation ofv whether it's financially viable to go back to work after having twins doesn't work out as often as it does if you have two DC a couple of year's apart.

Everyone has different experiences. I know someone with twins who said she was prepared for a lot of hard work but didn't actually find it any harder than first time round. I think I would find it harder but who knows? I find parenting very hard and I only have two children. Some larger families seem to cope just fine.

Haven't read whole thread

God re bfing I rem having to pick up one twin by the scruff of his babygro as he fell down the side of the bed when I was doing that tandem feeding that is supposed to make bfeeding twins oh so easy.The midwives(most of whom will never have attempted to bf 2 newborns) omit to tell you how to put them both on and unlatch them with 1 pair of hands.

Ah yes, the comical breastfeeding station I had to set up - one 2-seater sofa surrounded by two dining chairs facing inwards, a side-table, a laptop , and twenty eight cushions/pillows of varying sizes... Remember that scruff-of-the-babygrow manoeuvre too...

Potty training 2 at the same time is fun too.

I have twins, plus one child who is disabled, and altogether I had four under the age of five when the twins were born.

So I have it harder than anyone

Reading the op posts, I think it comes down to support, and how hard you actually find it. Twins was fucking hard, but then so was having two exactly two years apart, and having a disabled son. But at different times I've had different levels of support, or sometimes it just has been easy than others.

I do think though, trying to establish breast feeding two babies, is infinitely harder than worrying about the toddler while you feed one. I should know, I had to watch a barely walking, barely verbal two year old while trying to feed twins!

And the cost. The older two SOMETIMES have the same expense at the same time - camp fees, etc but the twins ALWAYS do. I'm dreading school residentials, secondary school uniform, etc.

she's too busy to post

Pizzaslut, was going to ignore this thread (as I can't stand the competitive 'i'm busier than you' parenting rant) but just have to reply.

I have Dtwins (identical boys, 22 months) and a DD aged 4 and a half, she was 2 and 9 months when the twins were born. So I have experience of the toddler with newborn and twins!

Firstly, on a few occasions you've mentioned 'that twins have the same routine!' Don't make me laugh. Of course they're at the same stage developmentally, but they're not a two-headed beast, but rather two children who wake up at different times of the night (sometimes 4 times each on the same night) and have teething episodes a few days apart.

Other posters have mentioned the physicality of holding/winding/rocking twins as well as the managing of double buggy/high chairs in shops/restaurants.

And no one, no one, only other mothers of twins, can descibe what the first year was like - dealing with premature babies, constant conveyor belt of feeding/changing, having to leave one down crying while you winded the other (i used to think that you could at least pace the floor all night with one child but not twins) and the sleep deprivation. Particular when I had to get up with DD1 - after maybe 20 mins sleep a night (over months and monts as boys didn't sleep until 10 months).

However, the first year is the hardest. Currently, Dtwins are walking/running in different directions but you have to be more organised with twins about places you go and more limited, like I usually let all the 3 kids play in the backgarden, or if out in the park, it's back in the buggy after 15 mins and ply them with crackers!!

They say with twins, the big pay off is after about 3 and a half as they've someone to play with:) So yes, in some ways it gets a little easier.

My sister also has twin boys, and we amused ourselves with comments from some mothers who say 'I have 2 children very close together which is just like twins'

Finally, just to say, I'm delighted with them, do it all with a smile on my face and am just delighted to have happy, healthy boys!!People in shops love to say 'oh poor you, you've your hands full, etc' whereas I just reply 'no actually, it's great'

Surely some people out there have it REALLY hard, children with a challenging disability, etc.??

I'm just not in to this moaning about all the work involved with parenting. I always think to myself 'someone wiped my bottom for me when I was a baby so roll up your sleeves and get on with it!!

I too take my hat off to you kateschmate - at least I'd two hands to hold two bottles/cups, or to shampoo two heads, how did you do it with 3!!

It's all hard! But who would be without their kids?! Saying that, I must put in penny's worth on the twins issue as I have twins. It is so bloody expensive - two cots, two car seats that need changing at the same time, two high chairs, two sleep sacks, toys that can't be handed down (and boy and girl toys at the same time for me). Very relevant for today is the not a shoe in the house that fits either child scenario. Their feet grow at the same rate it seems.

I think what this thread needs is a bit of anti competing.

I have an 8 year old and a 2 year old. It is dead easy.

I mostly sit on my arse, drinking coffee and chatting while the kids entertain each other.

So I think in fact I win.

Due to an unfaithful husband, I have every other weekend and chunks of the holiday child free. Now that is a breeze! :o

Now you're both rubbing it in [ grin]

Ah Soupdragon - I can beat that old chesnut - adulterous ABUSIVE ex so no overnight contact with the kids means I have them all the time!
Now where is my hair shirt.....