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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

299 replies

PizzaSlut · 04/05/2012 23:21

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

OP posts:
bellabelly · 05/05/2012 00:56

Loopy and Awhistlingwoman, I'm so sorry for your loss.

OP Have you tried Homestart if you are struggling? Is it available in your area? I had a Homestart volunteer with my first set of twins when they were toddlers (they are 4 now)and she made a HUGE difference - suddenly I was able to go out without worrying about my boys running off in opposite directions!

Now I have my 2nd set of twins (nearly 20 months) and luckily for me, these two (girls) are "easier" than the boys were at the same age. I stil think that you are making a lot of assumptions about what it's like to have multiples but I'm sorry if you are finding life hard - do check out Homestart because it's a brilliant organisation that can really help out in practical ways!

AnAirOfHope · 05/05/2012 00:57

OP you are the one being offencive here.

Bagofholly · 05/05/2012 00:59

Two sets of twins? [faints]

Here, please sit down whilst I make you a drink! I'm in awe!

footphobic · 05/05/2012 00:59

I have twins, had ds, then dd, then came dt, ds was 5 at time, dd, was 3. Jump from 2 to 4 meant, new car, new pram and buying new to double up on most of the other big items, cot (after initial top/tailing), highchair, car seat etc, didn't really have anyone to borrow from. The doubling of cost does hit hard, nursery, clothes shoes, clubs/lessons/activities, party gifts, birthdays/xmas, uniforms, mine are 11 now and school trips is a killer. Trying not to think about uni.Shock

So from a financial pov, I think harder, from coping pov, I think different fro everyone based on behaviour/health/how you cope etc. I'm lucky as mine were also very easy as babies/toddlers, so my own experience probably better than some with twins, having been through it with easy babies, my heart honestly goes out to anyone who has it harder (twins or not). I remember coming face to face with a woman in Mothercare, b/g twins same age as mine, same pram etc, thought it was really funny, mirror image and all, we started chatting...obviously apart from general tiredness, I was really enjoying those early weeks, and she was having a horrible time of it and was barely coping, I just wanted to give her a big hug...

awhistlingwoman · 05/05/2012 01:01

Sorry bagofholly haven't read the whole thread as my eyelids are drooping.

Thank you for your kind condolences bellabelly shelly32 mucking and bag

Pizzaslut having a child who nearly died at birth and has difficulties as a result does not win you anything my love. I can only say snap and raise you. That doesn't win. It's just sad. For both of us. I'm sorry your little one has learning difficulties, it is not an easy path to walk.

thekidsrule · 05/05/2012 01:02

im of to bed will be checking with intrest this thread in the moning,nite all

awhistlingwoman · 05/05/2012 01:02

And yes bellabelly let me buy you a drink Wine or more likely Brew as a hangover and two sets of twins probably doesn't make for a fun morning after!

Original poster
PizzaSlut · 05/05/2012 01:03

Shelley, you made the suggestion that you had no choice, what choice did I have with an accidental pregnancy? The same as you.

OP posts:
bellabelly · 05/05/2012 01:05

Grin bagsofholly and awhistlingwoman - am hitting the booze already but thank you!

Original poster
PizzaSlut · 05/05/2012 01:05

I don't need help, I love and will never regret anything but to say my life is asier is unfair.

OP posts:
Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 01:05

Slight hijack but those who have twins look at this My 2 are still a bit small but i have already got it and am trying to "train" them :)

bellabelly · 05/05/2012 01:07

Pizzaslut - have you got some support from family near you? You sound really pissed off with the world (which I can absolutely relate to...) Do you have a partner or are you struggling with all thsi on your own?

Bagofholly · 05/05/2012 01:08

Seriously, OP, put a sock in it.

I saw the walkadile on a TAMBA thing - don't they pull each other over? Mine are just walking this past week and it's like they have different polarities - they repel and head off like clashing magnets!

awhistlingwoman · 05/05/2012 01:08

bella Wine then Grin good luck tomorrow!

thekidsrule · 05/05/2012 01:09

bella.god i didnt have a drink for 4 yrs of the twins life,i just couldnt cope with them and a hangover,i salute you

im making up for it now though 13yrs later,lol

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 01:13

Yes at the moment its a game of who can pull who but they are getting better. When i hold 1 of their hands and my dd1 is holding the other it works well but i have the added safety of knowing that a 7 year old isnt responsible for the other since they are both attached. the twins have been walking since christmas and we have only just started doing short walks without the buggy. They just need to get used to it and then im sure it will be the best think i ever owned :)

fussbucket · 05/05/2012 01:14

Hi Slutty it's all about having a hand free isn't it?
Bellabelly TWICE!!! dear god. Have another Wine
I dreamt I was expecting triplets when dds were about 18 months, blood ran cold...
Pizza chill out babes, I don't think any of us have it particularly easy or not easy, it's good sometimes and crap other times and it's all worth it on the days when they do something amazing and you think 'bloody hell, I made this wonderful creature'.

Krumbum · 05/05/2012 01:14

You do have a choice whether to get pregnant in the first place, contraception exists. Having a child with sn must be very difficult, it's not a competition though, don't judge something you have not experienced.

chocolatebuttin22 · 05/05/2012 01:15

What is an accidental pregnancy? I do think you mean unplanned. You either use protection or you don't.

Op you have it hard just like everyone does sometimes. U really need to get a grip. Its not a competition, let ur friend have a moan and next week u can have one if it means that much to u. Take it in turns what ever works best for u!

fussbucket · 05/05/2012 01:16

Thekidsrule ooh mine are 13 too!

McHappyPants2012 · 05/05/2012 01:16

parenting is not a competion, you could get twins who sleep all night or a singleton who is sleeps all night.

who gets it easy is lucky, my son is 6 and still wakes up in the night.

i feel rather jealous of a twin mum in work, they are in a perfect routine yet i am on tender hooks every night if my DS sleeps or eats or if the phone going off because he has had a meltdown at school.

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 01:18

fuss haha yup. However its more to do with my back. To hold both their hands means i need to bend even though im a short arse at 5ft2 i still need to bend down to hold their hands without pulling their arms out their sockets. With 1 small 1 you kinda lean to the side but with 2 you need to almost crouch

ScooseLooseAbootThisHoose · 05/05/2012 01:22

I am a twin therefore my mum is the parent of twins she wouldn't say it was easier or harder than anyone else although having two the same age must be very hard work

fussbucket · 05/05/2012 01:31

Exactly Slutty, I'm 5'7" so it was even worse.

I'm the eldest of five, I can remember going to a big night time event (Pewsey Carnival, will make sense to those of you who live in N Wilts), our parents looped washing line through the back belt hook of every pair of trousers and held onto one end each.

footphobic · 05/05/2012 01:34

awhistlingwoman and loopy I'm also very sorry for your loss, I skimmed a bit at first and have just read more and seen your posts.

Even though it was hard having a 5 yo, 3 yo and dt, at least I had been through the learning curve of having babies - hard to have twins as your first. But there seems little realisation by the OP that parents of twins may also have other dcs!! I had no family help, it's some feat to juggle school and nursey runs, demands of a 3 yo with feeding/changing/sleeping pattens of two babies on your own.

We're all parents coping with whatever our own lives hold and we all do our best, I can't see any point in a thread like this.