AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

[PizzaSlut]

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

"Why do people think that 2 non verbal, non potty trained and non sleeping children less than 2 years apart are easier, surely they are the same?"
It's different because for a start you're more likely to have had simple low risk pregnancies. And a minimum of NINE BLOODY MONTHS with only one child to deal with!

Two pregnancies, two bouts of awful morning sickness, two appalling birth experiences (not one)., being pregnant twice in a short space of time, two lots of sleepless nights (as opposed to obviously one hideous bout of it, but at least all over and done with quickly) can't hand clothes down as different genders..yes..small age gap parents do need two cots, 2 highchairs.

Just read this thread because yet again someone said to me today, Oh well at least you don't have twins!

Honestly, I think twins would be easier than a small age gap. The only bit i think would be more difficult is if they both had colic at the same time!

Two in nappies, small toddler (just toddling) about to kill themselves by leaping off a chair whilst trying to feed the baby. On the odd days myself and my friend (who also has small age gap kids) have swopped kids (ie both taken the babies, or both taken the toddlers) we have had a rest. Fact.

Zombie thread alert. It's a couple of years old.

I do remember this last time round though.

I can see where the OP is coming from. I had a 33mth old and a 12mth old when my number 3 arrived. 3 in 33 months was TOUGH. I did often wonder if twins would have been easier. Despite the boys only being 12 months exactly apart they have completely different figures so Ive not been able to reuse much!

I used to have this friend with twins who met me for coffee when my no3 was 6 weeks old and hers were just turning 3 and starting full time nursery school and she moaned the whole time at how hard twins was and never asked me once how I was coping. I was CRIPPLED with tiredness and I just felt she really did think she had it tougher. I was annoyed mainly at the fact she couldn't see its tough for ALL of us with kids, I don't think hardly anyone can say they have harder!

I think it all depends on circumstances. If you just have twins and no other dcs then it's a lot easier than managing three dcs when you have school runs, clubs, homework etc to juggle with a baby.

I think as twins get older it gets a lot easier. I don't see how it differs much from having two children that aren't twins.

One point that hasn't been mentioned is if you have two dcs close in age you're pregnant whilst looking after a little one. When you have twins you aren't pregnant whilst looking after them; if you just have two children.

Oh man, just read this whole thread before I saw the bloody dates. I'll add my pointless yabu (obvo) anyway.

I have 12 YO twins and the expense is huge. Two times school uniform (150 per child), two times school trips (300 per child for UK ones), two times prom things, school costs, driving lessons, uni costs etc. I have two older ones close in age and it doesn't compare.

They were my number 3 and 4 so you can imagine the expense of needing a bigger house, car etc...

As someone above said, with two single babies you choose that, you don't choose two at once! And it IS the fact it is in the same year! Paying the year after is nothing similar.

How can anyone really say which is harder. Surely it depends on circumstances, temperament of child, needs of child, how much outside help is available, how much money you have. Everyone circumstances are different.

I have got twins,this is why I remember the thread last time.
I have never thought that I have it harder than anyone else, I know some parents with multiples who do and some parents with singletons who do.
It's not a competition, as parents we allstruggle sometimes, it's probably one of the only things that parents have in common, apart from loving our children obviously.

Yabu

I had twins then a singleton when they were 15 months.

Having experienced both I can categorically assure the op it is harder.

I have twins and an older one (gap of 2 years) and first few years were really hard. I firmly believe there are so many other factors that effect how easy/difficult it all is though. personal circumstances, financial situation, health of your relationship, children's natures and health etc, etc. Really isn't possible to compare. Think positively (as much as possible!)

I have done both. The small age gap, and then the twins. The twins were harder. They still are, and they are now 10.

DS2 had delayed motor development, so when the twins were born, he wasn't yet steady on his feet, couldn't walk any distance, was still in a high chair and sleeping in a cot. And still in nappies. Although that would seem like three babies, it is nowhere near as hard as triplets, because I only had to get up at night to feed and change two babies, not three.

My niece has twins - nearly 3. She found it really hard going at first, but luckily has a brilliant DH and close family who help out a lot with child care/ money etc. Child benefit in the UK is paid to the second twin as for a second child, despite the fact you cant hand down any clothes and everything is double straight away! They are lovely children - I admire her as I had a five year gap and found that hard, but didn't have the back up she has. I guess a lot of it is your individual set up, how much help you are able to have and so on..

Surely it's just hard in different ways?

I had a two year gap and can remember thinking a couple of times that in some ways twins were probably easier because at least they'd have the same needs - things like mealtimes (when eating) taking them to soft play, general activities - all a bloody nightmare with a two year old and 6 month old as you can't treat them the same iykwim?

I can remember once sitting in soft play with my two, trying to keep ds2 sitting upright but hanging onto ds1 by the ankle, who was squirming and trying to get to the big area. There was a mother in there with roughly 10 month dt's, both crawling round happily, wanting to look at the same things and I really envied her at the time!

Are you insane? The thought of twins makes me go cold. The sheer grinding hard work and tiredness of the first year...x2???? You are wrong.

I really don't envy my friends who have had twins. Far more worry during pregnancy, high chances of complications, hospital admission, premature birth, neonatal care.

Even if the pregnancy does goes well, the sheer exhaustion of carrying a twin pregnancy.

Less chance of a smooth delivery.

ANd when you do finally get to take the babies home ... we nearly went crazy trying to cope with just one baby crying ... I dread to think what might have happened if we had had two at once!

My DD was 3 the day my twins came home from SCBU. I can't tell you the hard work of having 2 babies at once. Night feeds would take at least an hour then the other one would wake up. DT2 had colic just to add to the mix. I used to think about smothering him as I was so tired and depressed. I have had therapy to deal with my feelings and obviously I adore him.

It was a stressful high risk pregnancy. I developed gestational diabetes which was really hard to get under control. I had to inject insulin. I had all day morning sickness so ended up on a drip three times. I literally couldn't function for 3 weeks as I felt so ill. My mum had to look after my 2 year old DD.

I then started to feel better at 16 weeks but kept having hypo's and my face went numb. I always felt my body couldn't cope with carrying 2 babies. I've never really felt the same even 9 years on. I wouldn't wish a twin pregnancy on my worst enemy!

My twins shared a placenta and developed twin to twin transfusion. I was hospitalised at 29 weeks. They were eventually born at 32 weeks and both were incredibly poorly. DT2 was touch and go. They were in special care for 6 weeks. Worst weeks of my life all while trying to juggle my toddler at home.

I cried EVERY day for the first year due to the relentless hard work.

The boys are healthy now at 9 but both have medical issues all relating to being a twin and prematurity. DS1 is severely dyslexic.

I hate competitive parenting. Who had it hardest and all that bollocks. But twin parenting is bloody hard and stressful. My boys are completely identical but different personality. I'm very conscious of bringing them up as individual's not twins.

Oh and it's bloody expensive. No hand me downs. Football boots, trainers, clothes etc add up. Clubs and activities.

They'll have their school residential in year 6. It'll cost me £500. Even siblings close together go a year apart.

Oh and my friend who's a Dr only had one egg put in after her IVF to minimise the risk of twins.

I know this is a zombie thread, but my goodness it's all bollocks isn't it? Who has it the hardest etc. Children are all so so different, the age gaps are only one thing that makes a difference.

FWIW, I have a singleton then a middling gap of 20 months, then twins. Some people comment that it must be hard, and there are definitely things about both aspects (and the combination) that are challenging. But then my singleton is thankfully a solid 11-12hr a night sleeper who at the moment goes down with no hassle and has a 1.5hr nap in his cot in the day with no trouble. I think I have it a lot easier than the OP on one of today's threads who is heavily pregnant and having to push / rock older one in buggy for every nap.

They can't pass any clothes down so yabu

God two 3 year old at the same time - I'd cry (mine single one is bloody awful atm)