AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

[PizzaSlut]

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

I think YABU. You didn't need to buy 2 cots, 2 highchairs, 2 infant carseats at same time.

You didn't have to bf/ff 2 infants simultaneously, wean 2 babies at the same time, potty train 2 at once etc. Imagine 2 newborns- once 1 parent goes back to work, there is always 1 child not getting their needs met!

Many parents of twins do have other, older children, meaning doing the school run with 2 babies in tow etc, your friend is lucky there I suppose.

Ha at twins having the same routines! My friend says that they had her awake all night on a very interesting 'shiftwork' pattern. It drove her batshit for the first year.

Twins are also not always at the same developmental stage. My twins didn't seak, potty train or walk at the same time etc..

Are you bored op ? Was this thread just to piss off parents of twins because you have got nothing better to do ?

Sorry Shelly, another (twins) forum. Thought I recognised you from thee. Clearly not! :)

I have the sppech and learnig difficulies with DD1, they are not mutual to multiple pregnncies.

The costs when it comes to school, paying out for 2 residentials are the same when they arre close together or do you choose who goes each year and they only get half the opportunities.

Why do people think that 2 non verbal, non potty trained and non sleeping children less than 2 years apart are easier, surely they are the same?

I have twins, and dc3 was 23 months younger. My health visitor used to helpfully advise me to sleep 'when the baby slept' when they were newborns. I resisted the temptation to say 'which one?'. They slept and fed in relays until they were 6 months old. Twins are more likely to be premature than singletons, and need to feed more frequently in the early days. Ever tried breastfeeding two babies at once in a public place? Not easy, or dignified. The newborn stage was a walk in the park compared to toddlerhood though. We avoided the park for 3 years because it was too risky finding one at the top of a slide about to hurl herself to the bottom and the other running in front of the swings. I remember one 'fun day' organised by our local children's centre in the park, the park with no railings, where both twins thought it was a great game to run off in opposite directions. I threw the baby at any passing stranger and ran off after twin 1, who couldn't run as fast as twin 2, and hoped I caught up with twin 2 before she reached the road. Potty training twins? Dealing with twins with chicken pox? Fun all the way. Fielding comments from other parents who know what it's like to have twins because they have two children two years apart. Now they're at primary school, paying £600 for both to attend a residential trip instead of £300 one year and £300 two years later. Other parents insisting that you get extra government help if you have twins. Really? That's news to me ...

LoopyLoops Love to know where the twins forum is..Can I find it on a link here?

Loopy It's called Multiple Births.

Yes but the statistics show that those problems (speech, prematurity) are far higher in twins. 40% can have delayed speech depending on research. Also the risks to the mother are much higher, PND, traumatic birth, anaemia etc. Surely you can't say the risks aren't more in twins.

No the costs are not the same unless two DC go in the same school year. It is double what everyone else is paying. You don't have any longer to pay.

"Why do people think that 2 non verbal, non potty trained and non sleeping children less than 2 years apart are easier, surely they are the same?"
It's different because for a start you're more likely to have had simple low risk pregnancies. And a minimum of NINE BLOODY MONTHS with only one child to deal with! Plus what I just said about PND, SCBU/NICU, death etc.

Seriously OP, read the replies!

sinkingfeeling My girls are 2.5 and I daren't go to the park, to town etc on my own with them because of the chaos that ensues. We are prisoners in the house/garden until DH comes home or friends/ grandparents visit. I cannot manage two headstrong madams who can't yet grasp the meaning of the words 'No' 'It's dangerous' 'Watch out for the car' etc yet !! Pizzaslut has a chip on her shoulder for some reason.

I had 3 under 3. As one grew out of something it got passed onto the next one - I never had to buy 2 of everything. All 3 of them would sleep at the same time every afternoon for around 2hrs till dc1 was 2 1/2. I thank my lucky stars I didn't have 2 babies at the same time - having one clingy, grizzly baby was more than enough.

YABU to be competitive parenting - you've had a tough time but there are plenty of parents who have it a lot tougher.

I avoided the park too sinking feeling and almost all local shops that were unaccessible to a double buggy. Also buggies are not allowed in my doctors or clinic so had to carry two newborns and a change bag and all the other stuff! With an older one they could at least toddle in!

The `who has it hardest' contest is just.... dull and pointless. We all just do our thing best we can, surely? But anyway...

I think it depends on what sort of parent you are and what sort of babies you have. We were lucky not to have colic etc but then we have no support locally (fine with that) & our two didn't sleep through until 19months (when their sister arrived...). Many parents just wouldn't have accepted that. Twins' ... similar routines'. My two obviously missed that page of the book. Same age is not necessarily `doing the same stuff developmentally' either, even with no specific difficulties. They are just different little people.

We bought very little `double' anything that wasn't essential and didn't bother with loads of stuff many think of as essential for a singleton. Horses for courses & all that. Nursery is probably the biggest financial hit & there's not a lot you can do about that but (if you're lucky enough to afford it & keep working), it all evens out in the end. Ours are only just 2 so not an expert yet.

I do remember a lady noticing my twins and starting a rather loud conversation with her friend about how twin mothers thought they had it so hard but she had 12months between her two & how that had to be so much worse. Very rude. Obviously can't comment on that having not had the experience (!!) but having just come out of a `3-under-2' few months, I can report it's busy, lovely & manageable.

But surely 2 close together involves 2 toddlers needs and the inabilty to sleep when newborn does as you have to watch out for toddler, you cannot loaf on the sofa while newborn non moving baby plays on the mat because nearly 2 year old is up on the TV cabinet threatening to pull it onto them.

'Why do people think that 2 non verbal, non potty trained and non sleeping children less than 2 years apart are easier, surely they are the same'

because in general they are easier! Even a slight age gap makes it easier than having 2 exactly the same, why can't you see that?!

My eldest was 13 months when I got pregnant with our twins, so that's 3 under two. We're constantly outnumbered - the ratios don't work for swimming/hazardous activities, they all head in different directions, and it's exhausting. I know a couple of triplet mums from twins club, and if I dared suggest that my 3 were "the same" or "as hard" as triplets, I'd rightly get a big gobfull. It's not the same - I had a whole blissful year with just one delicious PFB, and whilst it's hard, the triplet mums never even got that!

Loopy,

ShellyI had them on dogleads attached to the back of harnesses at the point you're at now, you can loop both over one wrist and have the other hand free for rooting in your pocket for money, phone etc. One interfering old biddy had a go at me, everyone else said what a brilliant idea.

I have twins and I think in a practical sense I would rather that than close singletons.

At least their needs were the same. I wasn't trying to cater for a demanding 12m old on solids whilst establishing bf. There sleep demands (whilst not necessarily in sync with each other in the early weeks) were similiar. U wasn't trying to keep a 2yo's toys away from a tiny baby.

The double outlay can be a pain sometimes tho.

Pizzaslut Do you read the posts in response to yours?? Do you not think that one twin might sleep while the other attempts to pull the TV down on her/himself?? Screw your TV down and stop whining about your 'hardships'!!

No I had nine months extra of bloody morning sickness while having a baby, lugging a baby on my hip while puking, low risk pregnancies that led to major surgery each time.

FFS twins would have been easier.

FFS OP! READ what has been said about different start points!

I think having twins must be harder as I could barely cope with one newborn, let alone two! My friend has twins and a 3 year old and I think she is awesome, I admire her so much!

But the lady above who said competitive tiredness / parenting is not beneficial is correct