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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this creepy ?

204 replies

BaffledMuffin · 04/04/2012 15:55

Hi just had a message on fb from a mum of a child that used to be in DS's class untill she moved schools.

They were in reception together but when they went up to year 1 she moved schools.

I said i would try and stay in contact b4 she left but you know how things go sometimes its just not plausable.

Well anyway back in ocotber this mum messaged me and said that her DD had been bugger her about meeting up with my DS i replyed to that message saying that yeah could meet up at some point just been crazy busy atm and left it at that, then que a string of messages asking weather this day or that day would be ok and i just replyed that yes will let her know when we are free.

Well if im honest I did forget about these messages and with DS busy with other friends and not mentioning this friend I forgot out arranging a meet up Blush

Then last month I got this message and if im honest i got a bit freaked out by it as we are talking about then 5 year olds and thought this was a bit strong and a werid message to send

"hi hai1988 is there a reason you seem to be ignoring me or am i imagining things? if you dont want the kids to meet up again then please let me no so i can explain to DD. she wants to see DS but i dont know what to tell her at the moment. can you please just let me no if meeting ever will be possible.

As I said i thought the message was a bit strange and i know i shouldnt of but i just left it and deleted her of fb as it freaked me out a little. Blush

Then today I get this message : Well i've explained to DD that she can't see him any more. I don't understand it but i'm sure u have ur reasons. She is heart broken but at least she knows.

Am I the only one who thinks she is taking there short and not that close friendship very seriously and should get a grip.

Sorry its so long Blush

OP posts:
Sposh · 04/04/2012 15:56

Not creepy at all! You said you'd get the kids together and then you blanked her. I think she was quite polite about it tbh.

Rubirosa · 04/04/2012 15:58

Not creepy, why were you so rude? Why not just tell her if you didn't want to meet up?

SocialButterfly · 04/04/2012 15:58

I think you were bit out of order tbh. You said you would like to stay in touch then when she tries to arrange a meet up you blank her on several occassions. If you had said sorry we can't meet and she had carried on messaging you then she could be seen as a bit pushy. However all she was trying to do was get an answer one way or the other.

TheMonster · 04/04/2012 16:00

She was trying to extend the hand of friendship and you blanked her. How rude.

Original poster
BaffledMuffin · 04/04/2012 16:00

what was I supposed to say when she said "oh the kids must meet even when we move, we cant let them forget each other" I just said a polite "Yeah ok then"
while thinking erm.....

Starting to think when she "joked" that they would get married that she was not joking Shock

OP posts:
whyme2 · 04/04/2012 16:00

Yes she sounds quite reasonable to me.

You said you would meet up but didn't set a date. She asked for a date and you fobbed her off. Kids friendships can be very intense and short lived but I can imagine her child bugging her day in day out to see their friend and it not happening.

I think the other mum just wanted a definitive answer.

Cluffyfunt · 04/04/2012 16:00

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baabaapinksheep · 04/04/2012 16:01

YABVU!

You said you would keep in contact, she asks about dates and you ignore her, she asks if you actually want to meet up and you delete her from fb.

You should a least have the decency to reply to her messages before deleting her! I would be livid if someone did that to me.

captainmummy · 04/04/2012 16:01

how long ago was her dd moved?

Original poster
BaffledMuffin · 04/04/2012 16:02

I did at one point say that lifes a bit hectic atm so proberly not viable to be able to meet and then I did genually forget Blush

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 04/04/2012 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BaffledMuffin · 04/04/2012 16:03

just coming up a year captain

OP posts:
CrockoDuck · 04/04/2012 16:03

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redrubyshoes · 04/04/2012 16:03

I think she is hurt and offended that you didn't even have the courtesy to reply. Her DD wanted to see your child not you. Did you ask your DS if he wanted to see his little friend?

mrswoz · 04/04/2012 16:04

She's not being creepy, she just doesn't seem to have the sense of knowing when is best to leave an issue alone if you get me?

You on the other hand could have just said sorry I can't be arsed to meet up with you, since you ended up deleting her anyway, may as well have put her out of her misery.

I get the feeling there is possibly an underlying reason you didn't want your DS to spend any time with her DD, otherwise you might have gone out of your way to arrange something? As several threads here lately have demonstrated, the relationship between the parents can have so much bearing on the children's relationships.

If you need to let someone know you don't want to see them anymore you can either do it gently or harshly, but it is unreasonable to not let them know at all IMO.

baabaapinksheep · 04/04/2012 16:04

what was I supposed to say when she said "oh the kids must meet even when we move, we cant let them forget each other" I just said a polite "Yeah ok then"

What do you expect if you agree to do something? If you didn't want to keep in contact then you should have said so, very two faced to agree to stay in contact and then just ignore her!!

AgentZigzag · 04/04/2012 16:05

I don't think you were rude/nasty at all OP, just doing what most people do and letting it tail off.

She does sound pushy and a bit weird to me, heartbroken? I don't think so. And if the little girl is heartbroken then I'd be wondering WTF she's being saying to upset her DD so much!

You're right to steer well clear IMO.

DodieSmith · 04/04/2012 16:05

YABU

TheMonster · 04/04/2012 16:05

I don't know why joking about them getting married is so shocking. It's a joke.

Original poster
BaffledMuffin · 04/04/2012 16:05

I know i could of proberly handled it better, but the last two messaged genuinely baffled me a bit as she seemed to intense about a friendship that for my DS wasnt that big a deal.

What was I supposed to say " DS doesnt want to meet" Was trying to spare any feeling by saying that

OP posts:
SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 04/04/2012 16:05

You fobbed her off or ignored her messages for ages. She called you on it, not unreasonably IMO. I don't see why that's creepy.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 04/04/2012 16:06

Did your Son want to meet up with her DD?

Charliefarlie1192 · 04/04/2012 16:06

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TheMonster · 04/04/2012 16:07

It would have been better to say something along the lines of DS having new friends and not remembering her DD etc than blanking her and deleting her from FB.

wendieann · 04/04/2012 16:07

I also went throught this with my own DD6. After we moved I tried to keep in touch with her "BBF" from her old school. This mother brought her to ONE birthday party I had. That was it. I stopped asking, and I let it go. I had to explain to my DD6 that obviously, they were too busy, and encouraged her to find a new friend.

Sorry, OP... for the kids sake, it's up to the parents to keep them in contact if they want to see each other. Putting your children's playdate on a priority list was important...