Is this creepy ?

[BaffledMuffin]

Hi just had a message on fb from a mum of a child that used to be in DS's class untill she moved schools.

They were in reception together but when they went up to year 1 she moved schools.

I said i would try and stay in contact b4 she left but you know how things go sometimes its just not plausable.

Well anyway back in ocotber this mum messaged me and said that her DD had been bugger her about meeting up with my DS i replyed to that message saying that yeah could meet up at some point just been crazy busy atm and left it at that, then que a string of messages asking weather this day or that day would be ok and i just replyed that yes will let her know when we are free.

Well if im honest I did forget about these messages and with DS busy with other friends and not mentioning this friend I forgot out arranging a meet up

Then last month I got this message and if im honest i got a bit freaked out by it as we are talking about then 5 year olds and thought this was a bit strong and a werid message to send

"hi hai1988 is there a reason you seem to be ignoring me or am i imagining things? if you dont want the kids to meet up again then please let me no so i can explain to DD. she wants to see DS but i dont know what to tell her at the moment. can you please just let me no if meeting ever will be possible.

As I said i thought the message was a bit strange and i know i shouldnt of but i just left it and deleted her of fb as it freaked me out a little.

Then today I get this message : Well i've explained to DD that she can't see him any more. I don't understand it but i'm sure u have ur reasons. She is heart broken but at least she knows.

Am I the only one who thinks she is taking there short and not that close friendship very seriously and should get a grip.

Sorry its so long

YANBU. She is going over the top and seems clingy. I find it annoying when people can't take a hint.

If you were being bugged by a child, tried to arrange a meetup that had been previously positively accepted, fobbed off, ignored and deleted from Facebook then you might feel a bit touchy about it and send a message.

I think that sometimes one child can be more invested in a friendship than the other. This may have been the case with her dd, hence the mum trying to arrange something.

sorry lots of cross posts going on.

Agentzigzag that is exactly how i feel, what has been said to her DD for her to be "heartbroken" We are talking about nearly a year since they have seen each other so this mum must of been going on about ds to her all this time or something not sure

I had a friend who moved out of the area but wanted us to keep seeing each other. I wasn't mad keen on her, we really only had the kids in common. She rang me up one day and said that she could come and see me when her kids has saturday morning lessons, EVERY WEEK

I had to explain that I was usually busy doing the food shopping on a saturday morning and if I wasn't I was having a nice long lie in. No hard feelings!

We moved a year ago and dd (6) still askes about her old school friends. I think you have been very rude to have said you would arrange something and them not reply. Poor child!!!

No DS did not want to meet up, that is why I didnt say anything, was trying to spare feelings by not saying "DS does not want to meet up with your DD"

Think i should of just come out with it now

You lied. Rather than be straightforward and honest that you weren't ever likely to meet up, you led the woman on. Perhaps her daughter really does miss your son, maybe they were very good friends.

Some people are quite 'intense' in their feelings and I can understand if you didn't feel the same way but you could have just said something. She gave you an 'out', asking you to just be straight. You didn't take it and behaved like a coward and I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable.

Or her ds just might not have been that keen on this girl. Why should op be forced to meet up with the other parent and child when her own son is not even bothered about doing so?

Her son doesn't have to see this girl! She could have easily told the mum that her life was very hectic and she couldn't see how she could fit in getting them together. That's what white lies are for, isn't it?

To be fair the other mother could probably have handled it better with her DD, if the mother will not take a hint then it's no surprise the little girl won't either, and that's why she kept on asking!

In the other mother's position, I would have just explained to the DD that the other family were too busy/had other friends now/moved on, that's life really!

Sposh I did say that !

Yes, but the OP didn't let her down gently or tell a white lie to spare feelings and that's the problem.

Not in the slightest bit creepy. Your behaviour was pig rude though. What freaked you out, exactly?

Do you know Baffled, I think I would have said something like "Gosh if a girl comes within a foot he runs a mile, its all boys stuff now,funny how much they change" or something like that.

It's hard when someone wants to keep up a friendship and you don't. But sometimes, you just have to be straight ish . She's probably hurt and feels like her child has been snubbed.

wafflepuss I did say that my lifes a bit hectic atm and dont know when I could meet up, that was before the last two messages she sent

YABU. Maybe the other mum could have handled it better, but then so could you. Ignoring people is downright rude. My own DD when she was little used to be very sociable and was always nagging me if she could see particular children out of school - I used to hate always having to phone the mum up and ask for their child to come and play. I do feel sorry for the other mum in this case - what was she supposed to tell her DD?

One rule in being assertive is that if you think you have a perfectly reasonable answer to someone's demands and they won't accept it you simply have to repeat yourself, so I think it would have been acceptable for you to restate that you were too busy instead of ignoring and deleting her from facebook.

I've been in the opposite position here. DS used to be best friends with a boy from his pre-school, then they went to different primary schools. Since DS used to talk about his friend all the time, I tried to maintain the friendship, but found that his mum wasn't so good at replying to my efforts to fix up play dates. I did once ask her if her DS had found other friends and wasn't bothered about seeing my DS, as I did wonder whether she was just trying to let us down gently. But she said he was still very much up for it. Anyway, I got fed up of all the effort being one way and left it. Even so, my DS kept asking when he would see his friend again, what could he buy him for Christmas etc, and it was really upsetting for me to tell him that I didn't think we would see them again (even though they only live in the next village!).

When it is your DC that misses a friend it is hard. It costs nothing to be honest and say that sorry, your DC isn't really that keen. Mums do realise how mercurial friendships can be at that age, but it is better to know the truth.

Luckily for my DS, out of the blue more than a year later, I heard from the family again, apparently their DS was missing mine! So we are back in touch and everyone is happy.

Theres loads of things I should of done or said diffrently to get the point across, think that is my problem im not very direct.

Thepathan that sounds like something I should of said as It IS very true attually. girls are "icky" atm

I think you were rude.

You could have said that, OP, "Sorry, girls are 'icky' at the moment, to DS. Kids, eh?".

She was intense, definitely, but you could have handled it better than you did. I was thinking you should apologise but maybe better to leave it now.

Sposh, I like your advice.

It's passive agressive to go deleting someone from FB. And immature. YABU.