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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a bit rude

207 replies

3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 17:03

for bride and groom to ask for money as a wedding present?

We have been invited to a wedding (My mums friends who we dont really know very well). The invitation states "We do not need anything for the house as we have all the pots and pans and everything else we will ever need. We would like monetary donations to have a fantastic honeymoon".

I have never heard of this before. Is this the norm these days? How much money would be acceptable?

OP posts:
sleepymammary · 15/02/2012 17:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Wants3 · 15/02/2012 17:07

My cousin did this,we just put some cash in an envelope and posted it in the box they had on the table next to the cake. Saved us traipsing around the shops!:)

yellowraincoat · 15/02/2012 17:09

I don't know why people think this is rude. It's what the couple wants, it's better than having to go round the shops to buy them something they don't even want.

Kayano · 15/02/2012 17:09

Normal.

coraltoes · 15/02/2012 17:10

Rude

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2012 17:11

It's normal nowadays although it still makes me cringe

I have no idea why it makes me cringe though, because seeing as though most people live together before marriage, it certainly makes sense.

1fab · 15/02/2012 17:11

Seems to be happening more but they way they have worded it is awful.

coraltoes · 15/02/2012 17:11

I is grasping. Don't assume people will buy you anything. If you have all the pans you need maybe suggest a charity donation instead, you know so maybe someone else can benefit from your greed.

Gumby · 15/02/2012 17:11

Rude

LilacWaltz · 15/02/2012 17:11

Rude,cringey and grabby!

TheMonster · 15/02/2012 17:12

I think it's become normal - but I find the whole wedding gift thing rude anyway!

AKissIsNotAContract · 15/02/2012 17:12

I think it could be worded more politely but I think asking for money instead of gifts is sensible.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 15/02/2012 17:13

Hate it - rude and grabby - rather they asked for vouchers from a store

takingiteasy · 15/02/2012 17:14

I think it could have been worded a bit better but I don't think the sentiment is rude at all. Everyone gets a gift when they go to a wedding, what's wrong with making sure it's relevant and useful?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 15/02/2012 17:15

Normal, and I never understand why so many people get so offended about it.

Why is a contribution to a honeymoon (that the couple might not otherwise be able to do) be terrible, when a pile of stuff from John Lewis that they don't need be ok?

mumsachocoholic · 15/02/2012 17:17

it is becoming more common these days as couples usually live together
before getting married and hence have all the usual items that people generally buy for weddings.
2 of our friends did this last year and it was easier for us to just pop some money in a card rather than guessing what they might like.
Agree though it could be put in a nicer way. theres loads of poems on line now a days for it.

misslinnet · 15/02/2012 17:18

They've worded it badly - it would have been better to say something like "You don't have to get us anything, but if you want to, then..." - but I don't think its rude to ask for money.

It's certainly no ruder than asking for vouchers, or giving people a wedding list to buy things off.

mamalovesmojitos · 15/02/2012 17:19

Rudely worded but the wish is normal. I always give money to newly-wedded couples, thought it was standard.

Pandemoniaa · 15/02/2012 17:20

I think it is rude because it smacks of such entitlement. Although I can see the argument about getting a pile of stuff that isn't actually needed. However, if a couple are so fortunate as to have everything they need, why expect anything at all?

But what I hate more than anything are those vile, sickly, cowardly blagging poems that people put in with their invitations. Why not just say "Give Us Some Fucking Money"?

yellowraincoat · 15/02/2012 17:21

Of course they COULD have said "oh but only if you want to give us money, you don't have to" but I think that's implied.

The only reason we normally give household stuff at weddings is cos people never used to live together. Now they do. What on earth do they need John Lewis vouchers for if they already have what they need?

I actually find it LESS grabby that they'll spend money on something which is an experience rather than something material. They'll have time away together, on their own, celebrating their relationship. What's materialistic about that?

chinam · 15/02/2012 17:22

I think it is totally normal and so stress free for the guests to give money/gift vouchers. I can't remember the last time I bought a gift for someone getting married.

yellowraincoat · 15/02/2012 17:22

But Pandemoniaa, I don't think they're expecting. Just saying "we don't need stuff". I don't think they would refuse to let you in if you didn't bring money. At most weddings, the majority of people don't even notice you've brought a present or not, I find.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 15/02/2012 17:23

I don't think it's rude, you're going to spend money on them anyway, this just saves you a job. Assuming you're going to the full wedding though, not just the evening reception, that would be terribly rude.
I would be cross if someone asked me to donate to their chosen charity instead of buying a gift. I'll give to charity if and when I want to (and I do), not because you tell me to. They'd end up with no gift and no charity donation in this case.

lisaro · 15/02/2012 17:26

It does seem to be catching on, but that said, it's still rude.

LilacWaltz · 15/02/2012 17:28

If they dint need anything for 'setting up home' because they already live together and have built a home, then why on earth should everyone contribute to a flash holiday ?