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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a bit rude

207 replies

3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 17:03

for bride and groom to ask for money as a wedding present?

We have been invited to a wedding (My mums friends who we dont really know very well). The invitation states "We do not need anything for the house as we have all the pots and pans and everything else we will ever need. We would like monetary donations to have a fantastic honeymoon".

I have never heard of this before. Is this the norm these days? How much money would be acceptable?

OP posts:
BuggerlugsTheFirst · 15/02/2012 21:07

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

FourEyesGood · 15/02/2012 21:09

Not rude, not tasteless, not grabby, just poorly worded.

With the information about our wedding, we said that as we were unable to pay for the meal (yes, we made our guests - those who chose to be included - pay for their own food. I've already booked my place in HELL for being so poor rude), we wouldn't have a wedding list or owt. In spite of this, we were given loads of presents and lots of cash and vouchers. The cash was the most useful, as we didn't need the garden lantern (no garden...) and the money enabled us to have an unexpected honeymoon.

I find a wedding list so much more offensive than a request for money. Just because John Lewis condone something, that doesn't make it right.

BuggerlugsTheFirst · 15/02/2012 21:12

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

ArielNonBio · 15/02/2012 21:13

STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR YOU FourEyesGood Grin

We were the same with our bar.

Original poster
3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 21:16

Hedgehog. I wonder? What date is your wedding invitation?

OP posts:
TheOnlyTrollOnTheForum · 15/02/2012 21:17

I don't think it is that rude, my friends did the same when they got married as they couldn't afford a honeymoon otherwise and had everything they needed for their home already

Original poster
3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 21:20

Buggerlugs Read the posts! I do not know the bride and groom - They are friends of my mum! What I do know though is they live in a very big house. Both have well paid jobs and are in their 50's! They have been living together for YEARS! If they cannot afford a wedding and a honeymoon why cant they have a small wedding and pay for their own honeymoon??

Like most people who cant afford the full monty

OP posts:
SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 15/02/2012 21:20

Foureyesgood Wonderful. Why didn't you invite me...your wedding sounds FUN.

If we're talking vulgarity (such fun!!!) nothing makes me shudder more than any kind of request included with the invitation. If you're asked, fine, have a few suggestions at the ready, (including money, why not?) but otherwise put up or shut up!!

When Mr House and I got wed (both middle aged, second time around) we were quite clear that presents were totally optional (although very few took that option! )

One person got it TOTALLY right. She was coming as a plus one: however the person who was bringing her was ill and couldn't come but the plus one wanted to come anyway, (aawwww!) and gave us the most acceptable bottle of bubbly ever. Now that's class, and getting it bang on iyam Grin

roundtable · 15/02/2012 21:21

If you don't like it, don't go.

Honestly, there are a lot of miserable martyrs sometimes.

Yawner247 · 15/02/2012 21:22

Rude...we put nothing on our invites for our wedding with regards to presents and ended up with gift vouchers/cash and token gestures which were lovely! I really hate the stupid poems people put on invites about presents! Angry

Kennyp · 15/02/2012 21:23

Imo normal but rude

Rude smug friend of mine asked for money. So i gave them a book and wrote in it so she couldnt take it back.

Dont ever ask me for money for a present Grin

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 15/02/2012 21:23

When Mr House and I got wed (both middle aged, second time around) we were quite clear that presents were totally optional (although very few took that option! )

Not that it matters, but by that I mean, very few (only one iirc!) took the no present option!

ArielNonBio · 15/02/2012 21:24

Makes me laugh how people say how they did it, at the same time as telling us how rude lists and money are. Because you just ooze class daaaarling!

SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 15/02/2012 21:26

Well that's me told then Ariel Wink

starfleet · 15/02/2012 21:27

This thread has made me :)

I thought it was normal to ask for money as a wedding present, but I grew up in an Asian culture and everyone always gives money. It was a big thing when there was a gift list as people didn't understand the concept! I remember one poor unfortunate couple who ended up with 4 toasters and 6 mop/bucket sets!

When DSis got married a few years ago she put note in the invites saying 'no boxed gifts please'. A friend of hers wasn't sure what this meant exactly and asked his Mum who said "it means they want money!"

SugarPasteHedgehog · 15/02/2012 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArielNonBio · 15/02/2012 21:27

Wasn't you I had in mind actually Grin. But now you mention it.....

Original poster
3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 21:27

Roundtable. Keep up theres a dear. I have already said I am not going and I will save myself a fortune. If my kids are not welcome and I have to pay a childminder to look after them for the day there is no way am I going to subscribe to some money grabbing witch's honeymoon! Especially as she can afford to pay for it herself

OP posts:
SarahDoctorIndyHouse · 15/02/2012 21:28

Do you know, I had a feeling I was condemning myself out of my own mouth even I pressed the submit button Ariel Blush

maybenow · 15/02/2012 21:32

And I always secretly wonder if the couple think 'Ha, Suckers paid for this' as they shit in their 5 hotel (although I accept this is caused by knowing a friends brother & his new wife who did think this!)*

I guess it depends on the people you know... we stood at Machu Piccu and cried at the generosity of our friends and family who enabled us to travel to walk there over the Andes and fulfil a lifelong ambition... we are and always will be eternally grateful (and i can't imagine ever feeling like that about a toaster or ladle).

FourEyesGood · 15/02/2012 21:34

3brokentoes "money grabbing witch"? Shock

Score one for the sisterhood, there. Nice to assume the man had no part in devising the TOTALLY SENSIBLE INVITATION WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO MENTION A REQUEST FOR MONEY. And now look; you've made me shout, you judgey judging judge-type.

aquashiv · 15/02/2012 21:36

Really are people doing this now rahte than toasters? Good for them I say.

ArielNonBio · 15/02/2012 21:38

"Money grabbing witch" eh?

What a charmer. No don't go to the wedding: you'd only spoil it anyway.

TheOnlyTrollOnTheForum · 15/02/2012 21:40

I knew a couple that had a big engagement party and had a 'gift list' for it that everyone was suppost to buy from, but on the list, amongst other expensive items, they had a widescreen tele, a washing machine and a dishwasher Shock, they split up before they got married but I always wondered if they had got married what would be on the list: A new car? A house?

HazleNutt · 15/02/2012 21:41

why is a donation for honeymoon rude but a gift card (which is basically money, you just have to spend it in a certain shop) is ok? Does not make any sense.

As people have said - if you ARE going to spend money on a gift, is it really so horrible if the bride and groom get something they might...shock..actually like?