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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its a bit rude

207 replies

3brokentoes · 15/02/2012 17:03

for bride and groom to ask for money as a wedding present?

We have been invited to a wedding (My mums friends who we dont really know very well). The invitation states "We do not need anything for the house as we have all the pots and pans and everything else we will ever need. We would like monetary donations to have a fantastic honeymoon".

I have never heard of this before. Is this the norm these days? How much money would be acceptable?

OP posts:
SpringingAllTheWay · 15/02/2012 17:29

Totally normal :) I've been to a fair few weddings who have done this :)

ifancyashandy · 15/02/2012 17:29

Really hate it. Think it's incredibly rude. If you can't afford a honeymoon, don't have one. Or at least cut your cloth accordingly. I would love a trip to the Maldives but am skint at the mo. Should I ask me mates (&, worse, parents mates!) to dig deep?!

Also, I like the idea of buying a gift. A memento of the day for the couple that was from me - a gift that I chose thinking they would love or selected from their wedding list. I hate being part of some homogenous honeymoon group.

And I always secretly wonder if the couple think 'Ha, Suckers paid for this' as they shit in their 5* hotel (although I accept this is caused by knowing a friends brother & his new wife who did think this!)

ifancyashandy · 15/02/2012 17:31

Ha ha! SIT in their 5* hotel! Although I'm sure newly weds shit too!!

PetiteRaleuse · 15/02/2012 17:31

Rude. Over here people put their bank details in invitations so that we can transfer money to them directly. I hate it.

Thistledo · 15/02/2012 17:32

Well I wouldn't go to a wedding and not get a gift, so this takes the guess work out. So I don't think it's rude at all.

TessTickular · 15/02/2012 17:32

fine IMO.

usualsuspect · 15/02/2012 17:32

Makes me cringe

pchick · 15/02/2012 17:32

I think it is rude. I guess they have already booked (and therefore paid for) their honeymoon prior to the wedding, so effectively you are paying their debt.

yellowraincoat · 15/02/2012 17:34

I'm sure if you bought a gift, they'd accept it graciously.

Safmellow · 15/02/2012 17:36

It's so badly worded but I would prefer that than having to shop for a present.

I once got a wedding invitation containing a reminder that the date would also be the bride's birthday in case I wanted to bring 2 presents!

Now that's rude! Ha.

LilacWaltz · 15/02/2012 17:37

It's like they are saying 'we don't need stuff but we want to get something out of you anyway'.

Cringe

catpark · 15/02/2012 17:37

A friend of a friend did this. She asked for money in her invite for the honeymoon. She even had the reference number for the holiday printed on the invite. She then e-mailed people who hadn't given anything a few weeks before the wedding to remind them. She knew who had paid and how much presumably from the travel agent ! Now that was very rude, she was a right bridezilla though and did worse stuff than that. Even now I don't know how my friend didn't tell her to get stuffed.

snowmummy · 15/02/2012 17:38

Times have changed and I don't see what's wrong with it. If you don't want to give them the money, waste it on an utterly useless present

ReduceRecycleRegift · 15/02/2012 17:39

I think its okay in general but depends on the delivery

I had a gift list (so obv okayish with them) but recently got TWO facebook reminders plus a text about someone's reference number for theirs (wasn't even invited to the wedding) Grin

its all in the wording IMO

gamerwidow · 15/02/2012 17:40

Not rude and very usual. They're not demanding anything just saying that if you wanted to buy them a gift then they would appreciate a contribution to their honeymoon.
If you're going to the wedding then you're going to take a gift anyway so why not make it something they need. If you were going to the wedding without taking a gift then you're a bit of a tight arse.

conspire · 15/02/2012 17:41

I don't think its rude. I wouldn't go to a wedding without a gift and if I like someone enough to be going to their wedding then I want them to have what they want, rather than what I think they should have.

gamerwidow · 15/02/2012 17:41

Reminding someone if they haven't chosen to contribute like catpark's friend is very rude though.

catpark · 15/02/2012 17:45

gamerwidow, the bride wasn't my friend. Thank god. She's friends with one of my closest friends. Only met the woman a few times.

MarriedInVegas · 15/02/2012 17:52

To be honest i don't find it rude at all! Weddings cost an awful lot of money. I really don't think that asking for a wedding present/contribution to honeymoon /vouchers is grabby or rude at all, especially when they are paying £20 a head for meal, entertainment etc for you to have a good day/night out. You just give what you can afford... I don't see a problem really? Confused

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/02/2012 17:54

Hateful new custom, cringe-inducing, just awful

ReduceRecycleRegift · 15/02/2012 17:55

Don't agree with MIV though, costs way more than the price per head to go to a wedding.

The guests are already splashing out on attending: babysitters, transport, day off work, accomodation, outift...

The gift is not to "cover" the cost of a meal that they probably wouldn't have chosen in a restraunt, it's an extra that they want to give to the couple.

And a lot of people find them tedious but go to be there for the couple because they care for them and wnat to be there for them, going to a wedding is not something for nothing if you don't bring a gift!

OlympicEater · 15/02/2012 17:56

Rude and grasping but seems to becoming more normal.

Often accompanied by a crappy poem.

TidyDancer · 15/02/2012 17:59

Oh it's definitely rude. It makes me cringe. Unfortunately, there are a lot of rude brides and grooms out there who think this is now normal. It's not appropriate to include any reference to gifts at all in the invitation if you're following wedding etiquette, but even worse if you've got a grabby couple who outright request money.

I seem to remember reading a thread like this before where a MNer (or a MNer's family member) actually asked people to buy their own meals at the wedding reception, which is vulgarity at its worst.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 15/02/2012 17:59

Oh yes, poems can fuck off.

Shakey1500 · 15/02/2012 17:59

Reasonable request, badly written. Would save me hunting for a present they'd probably stuff into a drawer and leave for the next however many years.