We are close friends with a couple who have a 6 yr old son. The father works full time, late nights because of his industry. The mother works (out of choice, no financial need) full time also. She travels perhaps once a fortnight and is often away for a whole week. Se enjoys her work hugely and the lifestyle that comes with it and doesn't want to give that up.
Their DS is cared for by grandmother and grandfather, and sometimes aunt and uncle. I would say the grandmother and aunt are the main carers in this child's life. He hardly sees mother and father due to work. It has been like this since birth.
As we watch him grow up, he is becoming more and more sensitive, insecure and unsure of himself. He gets extremely distressed for example if his aunt or grandmother show attention or affection to another child. He doesn't have this reaction when it's his mother.
When I talk to them about DS they say it's wonderful he has so many people around him showing him love. I agree that is a wonderful thing, except I think he doesn't feel loved by his mother or father - or at least not as much as he needs. And the love he gets from grandmother and aunt is beginning to be held back a little to try and redress the balance and let him know 'his mother is his mother'.
All in all I think he is confused, and while he gets lots of sporadic love and attention from a large group of adults, he has no one person who is his main 'mother/father figure', who gives continuity and therefore security.
Our children spend a lot of time with their son and increasingly he is showing sensitive and/or jealous behaviour around my children. I don't want to stop being friends but beginning to dread spending time with them because of it.