Husband secretely takes day off

[katieks]

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

I think it’s not saying that’s a bit weird

I love a day off to myself (got one today in fact) and as long as it doesn’t impact on family holidays I don’t see the issue. I wouldn’t keep it secret though

The thing he said about not being happy until the kids have grown up would have broken my heart tbh.

My DP occasionally makes me feel like this - like he's wandered into the wrong life by mistake, and is miserable with me and our children, wishes things were different. Depending on my mood it either makes me feel miserable and guilty, or livid with rage - how dare he imply we're all not good enough and making him unhappy, but not have the balls to own how own choices or make changes. If he were to say "I don't like this life, I made a mistake, I'm leaving, I'm sorry" I'd have so much more understanding and respect. But to make others responsible for the fact you are not happy with your choices?? Pisses me off beyond measure. I would absolutely pull him up on saying that as it's a completely toadish thing for a husband and father to say.

And still not allowed a day to himself poor bugger

Aw for fucks sake I really need to wear my glasses when browsing this forum!!

2012?!

It’s weird that he didn’t tell you. If he wants a day off at home surely he would just need to say? I guess he maybe didn’t want to feel obliged to do any chores etc but it’s still something he should have mentioned first.

Zombie thread

Zombie thread

Zombie thread

A bit selfish and childish but I assume he just wanted a quiet day off with no obligation, just playing game. I think I find it quite funny, he's acting like naughty teenager.

Oops! Didn't realise it was Zombie.

It seems a very male privilege thing to do but those who leap immediately to “another woman” get an eye roll from me.

I can absolutely understand wanting to be free from responsibilities, expectations etc which letting you know about this day in advance would have “spoiled”. Of course, I also understand that you would never feel free from your responsibilities and obligations on a day like this, so it is clearly unfair and a bit deceitful.

@MrsIsobelCrawley

The OP is nine years old.

But that won't stop some posters proffering their opinion.

Why does it matter? It’s still an interesting social dilemma.

I don't know why everyone worries so much about zombie threads anyway. We're all just pissing into the ether anyhow

@WirralOne

I know this thread is a little old. But I'm slightly flabbergasted that so many think this is lying and being deceitful?? I myself work long hours at times. Occasionally I will take a day off where I want to just spend time on my own whilst the kids are at school. I don't tell my partner until the day if at all sometimes. And it boils down to the fact he will make plans on my behalf.

Oh seeing as you're off I'm just going to take the car the shop for half the day (he's off all week to do this at his lesuire) SS is staying over so I'll take him such a place as you're off (without seeing if I have made my own plans first) it causes friction. So I don't tell him or leave it extremely last minite. I'm not disrespecting him, im not lying to him. I'm looking out for my own wellbeing with some r&r without having plans premade for me.

Seriously though, mumsnet need to lock threads when they haven't been posted on for 12 months. It's absurd. How the F does anyone even find 9 year old threads?!

@Draineddraineddrained

I don't know why everyone worries so much about zombie threads anyway. We're all just pissing into the ether anyhow

I don’t either

It was a link posted on Facebook.

Yes, perhaps it's old but it's still a thread with the commenting ability. Not sure if this site has the option to turn that off. Maybe some wouldn't get so butt hurt if you could.

* Seriously though, mumsnet need to lock threads when they haven't been posted on for 12 months. It's absurd. How the F does anyone even find 9 year old threads?!*

Are you ok?

I always kind of hope on these zombie threads that the OP comes back with some amazing update, like they kicked their DH to the kerb and moved to LA to become a Hollywood stuntperson and then got hired to be a bodyguard to the President when they rescue them from a crocodile by punching it on the nose while on holiday in Florida, or something.

Just me? Oh well [

He’s been under the patio since 2013. OP and her kids are very happy without him.

A partner taking a day off work to play games on a machine would give me the -ick regardless of the deceit, but then I wouldn't even have a playstation in the house in the first place.

The thing is that with two little kids (6 months, 19 months) and two full time jobs there isn't really much time to do bugger all. We hardly spend time together in the evenings, because once the kids are put to bed, then prepare supper, watch one recorded programme whilst eating supper, then get stuff ready for the next day, usually including some work preparation, give baby his late bottle, it's 11pm and we're shattered.

This doesn't sound like much of a life to me, not for either of you.

The fact that you think you should have been told so that you could take the same day off - or that you would give him tasks to do - is probably why he's lied. It's not great but I think it would be better to speak to him about how you and he can make things better for your family and for yourselves individually. Your lifestyle sounds exhausting.

Rather than wasting time posting here. Honestly, this place is a drain and I've already seen the OW posts. What's the point?

Talk. To him; sort it out, with him.

@AndeanMountainCat

He’s been under the patio since 2013. OP and her kids are very happy without him.

🤣🤣

I don't get this. His day off doesn't impact you, he's a grown adult - I don't get why he's in any way duty-bound to tell you.

There are other things in your updates I can understand you being unhappy about, but I have to say in your shoes it wouldn't even occur to me that DH should have to tell me if he'd decided to take a spontaneous day off. We all need a bit of 'us time' occasionally and I don't get the way MN generally demonises men for ever wanting to do anything that isn't work, helping with chores/childcare or family time.

There's nothing wrong with it, everybody is entitled to a day to themselves every now and then.

As a deeply introverted person, it sounds like your husband wanted a day off,

To do nothing, in peace

Only just realised it's a zombie. Oh well.