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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband secretely takes day off

526 replies

katieks · 27/01/2012 17:13

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

OP posts:
CustardySergeant · 28/05/2021 14:48

@Rejoiningperson

Ha ha!

I kind of think this is both very funny and very annoying. Especially as you caught him! He must be mortified.

You need to get him back for all the hours lost. Take a day off and book yourself into a spa next week for the day. Can you work late too? Do that. He has to collect the kids for next two weeks.

It's over 9 years later now!
Blankspace101 · 28/05/2021 14:49

OP - this happened in 2012. If you’re not over it now, you never will be. Grin

katieks · 28/05/2021 14:51

Ha, ha. Hi everybody, still here! Although no time for Mumsnet these days - got an email saying I was 'mentioned'. At first I thought it was spam.

So, almost a decade on and I'm still married, to the same DH! And...wait for it, we've had two more kids 4 years later. Still both working full time and life is still crazy busy. But we diary plan now - usually a week or two in advance. And we are so much more aware that both of us are juggling so many balls that neither party 'blames' the other for not doing enough. (I still do more though but that's because I want things doing my way, I know, I know).

So there you are. And husband is great with the little ones, but genuinely dreads the work and time involved when they're small. For the latter two I took longer mat leaves. And someone asked about boarding - yes, the older two are in boarding school! Went aged 7 and are thriving. We see them weekends and when they spend half their year on holiday. The younger two keep us plenty busy.

Weirdly, I was speaking to my parents and they told me they actually thought we may have divorced around that time as our relationship was under that much strain. I clearly didn't spot how hard we were finding it. Being non-stop busy has become the norm but it feels like we're a team against the pressures that work, life, etc throw against us. So a happy ending :)

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/05/2021 14:52

This is gold😂 Hi Op

MrsJackSpratt · 28/05/2021 14:53

I used to do this maybe 3 times a year with half days (before covid meant we both worked from home full time)

If I said I was taking time off I would have to do the million chores waiting for me, or catch up with paper work for voluntary roles, or he would take the time with me. but every now and again I need a few hours totally alone, just for me, to recharge. To not think about anyone else but me. Sometimes I would take myself out for a nice lunch on my own.

PoppysMummy2021 · 28/05/2021 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/05/2021 14:55

@PoppysMummy2021

Why is it awful? He took a paid day off work? You sound soooo possessive
And you sound liek someone who doesn't read threads 😁
DonLewis · 28/05/2021 14:58

Wow what a brilliant thread!

pinkearedcow · 28/05/2021 15:01

Crikey OP, that's an amazing update! Glad you got through the tough patch.

RedcurrantPuff · 28/05/2021 15:06

Wow this is class! Thank you for the update OP!!

Rejoiningperson · 28/05/2021 15:13

Wow I love a happy ending!

HaveringWavering · 28/05/2021 15:16

@Whatabouteryallaboutery

Possibly they read 2012 as 2021? Bit much to be expecting an update after all this time Grin
Ha ha, how wrong you were ! Great update OP!
HaveringWavering · 28/05/2021 15:18

@Sometimesfraught82

How many children do you have OP?
How funny you should ask that! Grin
SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/05/2021 15:19

@Whatabouteryallaboutery

Possibly they read 2012 as 2021? Bit much to be expecting an update after all this time Grin
I just remembered (thanks to poster above quoting this) There is a theory that Mayans made similar mistake and this is the end of the world year, not 2012😂
EmJay19 · 28/05/2021 15:34

🤣 what a cheeky bugger!!
Time off with small children is precious. It’s bloody annoying that he didn’t tell you. I’d be sooo pissed off!

katieks · 28/05/2021 15:46

And for those wondering - I still don't know his passwords but don't care. It's his little thing - I genuinely don't believe he has anything to hide. We share an Amazon account - I see the $$$ he spends on electronics and games and leave him to it. And he knows mine or rather, he would know mine if he bothered to remember what they were when I freely tell him.

He still doesn't like being asked to do 'extras' when going somewhere anyway, whereas I just view it as efficiency. We agree to disagree on this.

To my knowledge, there have been no further such 'secret' days Grin

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 28/05/2021 16:02

I had mentioned boarding school at 7 as a joke! I didn't realise people still sent children that young away to boarding school.

Sometimesfraught82 · 28/05/2021 16:05

Thank you OP!!

Sometimesfraught82 · 28/05/2021 16:06

To al the zombie thread haters.... Grin

Sometimesfraught82 · 28/05/2021 16:08

My son going to boarding school so genuinely no judgement!
I didn’t think any school took boarders from 7 these days?

Userguaranteed · 28/05/2021 16:17

OP, happy to know you both are okay - it doesn't always work out that way so I'm genuinely pleased for you. Also, thanks for coming back to let the nosy worried aunties know.

My post would have been in support of your dh having a quiet time all to himself though but as it's 9 years ago and with more kids, that ship has probably sailed.Smile

Chasanddive · 28/05/2021 16:39

I can’t really comment as I have done this myself lol. Fancied a lazy Netflix day on the couch with my duvet. With a lovely afternoon nap. Bliss

KatherineJaneway · 29/05/2021 16:07

@Chasanddive

I can’t really comment as I have done this myself lol. Fancied a lazy Netflix day on the couch with my duvet. With a lovely afternoon nap. Bliss
He did it in 2012

Zombie

TrulyOutrageousJem · 29/05/2021 16:20

A guy in my office does this. We get an extra day for every year we work here up to a certain number and he's never told her about the additional days. He uses his additional leave on childcare and family holidays but uses the extra three as 'me' days. His wife has no idea.

I was so shocked when he told me but the more I've sat with it the more I kinda understand. Sometimes you just need a day to yourself. Selfish maybe, but it does sound bloody lovely.

MasterBeth · 29/05/2021 16:21

Wow, nothing your husband did all those years ago is nearly as awful as you both abandoning your 7 year old at boarding school!