Husband secretely takes day off

[katieks]

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

@JorisBonson

Op's husband is now 72 years old and retired.

bahahahaha

what's with the zombie threads, is there some weird time warp going on...

@SquashMinusIsShit

what's with the zombie threads, is there some weird time warp going on...

Yeah, there is few, isn't there

I can't see anything wrong bit of time to yourself to place yourself .
I think you summed it up when you said " If he would of told me I would of taken the day off as well."
Thats the reason he didn't tell you I'd feel suffocated if all i wanted was a few hours to myself and won't allowed.

Marriage to Mumsnetters- it's like round the clock the surveillance!
He's even 'gently confronted' about his bedtime!
Poor bloke - he's got it all worked out for a day of peace away from your plans for him - and you turn up and spoil it. Was that in your wedding vows? Never shall you have a moment's freedom or privacy without my express permission?

Not weird at all ! I pulled a sicky on Monday and just chilled. Didn’t tell hubby. No need to and he wouldn’t think it was deceptive either. We all need time to do fuck all for a day. With work/kids/housework we all run out of time to decompress and it is incredibly important in order to not boil over! Cut him some slack OP

Okay, just seen the date - hope the poor bugger has dug his escape tunnel by now!

I’m a nurse and once went for a nightshift, we were over staffed and they offered me a last minute annual leave. We had a young child at the time who wasn’t sleeping well and I was exhausted, I took the annual leave and went and stayed at my mums and slept all night it was amazing. I later told my husband a few weeks later after I had had a few, he found it hilarious and said he would have done the same thing. I’m not sure what the big deal was sounds like he just wanted a day to himself lounging about and playing PlayStation. Sometimes it’s what we need. I wouldn’t take it personally

I’ve done this twice before, just needed time off to myself, peace and quiet without chores! Loved it, will do it again, good for the mental health!

writes out 500 times: 'I must check the dates on MN posts before investing

I do this. Sometimes I just want a day to myself. If everyone knew I'd end up with a list of jobs.

If he'd been up front and said I am taking a day off so I can sit and play games what would you have said?

He's done a right number on you OP. Totally managed to turn his selfish behaviour onto you and made you feel bad. From now on take a big step back and get him to take responsibility for his own actions or inactions. It takes time but it will be worth it in the end.
As a side note, I just don't understand why you have encouraged him to take all the additional days off unless he's agreed to get off his arse

There's no polite way of saying this, but maybe he wanted a day to himself without you, just to do what he wanted without interruptions or the expectation of having to do something as a couple/family.

Oh for gods sake, this is from 2012!

IT'S A FUCKING ZOMBIE YOU DIPSTICKS!

Apologies for rudeness.

I do this. And honestly it’s nothing to do with being deceitful but more to do with knowing that if my H knew I was taking a day off, he would load me up with stuff and favours for him that would make sure it was not a day off for me. I just want a break and it’s the only way I make sure I get one.

Is he still on the Playstation? Because if he’s been slacking off since 2012 then he really DOES need to get to work now

LOOK AT THE DATE

@minimisschief

He can take whatever day off he likes and doesn't need your permission to doit.

It isn't childish or selfish either. he has taken his holiday off of his work.

Maybe he didn't tell you becauseof several reasons
1.he doesn't need to tell you
2.You ask him to do things when hes not at work
3.you whine about him being selfish trying to have some chillout time alone when he should be spending it with his family.

probably more possible reasons

It's supposed to be a partnership.

@pinkearedcow

LOOK AT THE DATE

Oh feck...

@WirralOne

A LITTLE old??

It's NINE bloody years old!

WTF were you thinking? Start a new thread, don't resurrect Zombies!

The best thing about Zombie threads is watching people freak out when other posters start giving advice

Who knows where the OP, husband and children are - I hope everything is alright with them (health wise and everything else) because this resurrection will be a right pain if not.

Okay more to the second comment of yours than the first - the day off might be embarrassment that he wants a day to himself to not do anything at home etc. Sometimes people are bad at communicating things that can be perceived as selfish. I could try to get around that.

But I would flat out ask him why he knows your passwords but won't give you his. Did he ask for yours or did you give them for something? That very much doesn't sit right with me.

Ha ha!

I kind of think this is both very funny and very annoying. Especially as you caught him! He must be mortified.

You need to get him back for all the hours lost. Take a day off and book yourself into a spa next week for the day. Can you work late too? Do that. He has to collect the kids for next two weeks.