Husband secretely takes day off

[katieks]

This morning I discovered that I had forgotten the kids bag when I dropped them off at childminders so drove home to get it. When I got home, my husband was in shorts, curtains drawn playing Playstation in the lounge. I asked why he was dressed like that and he said he had taken the day off. He never told me that he was going to take the day off. Until I had left for work, everything had been run the usual way and I expected he was going to work (I leave earlier than him). He also had to rearrange a delivery from a couple of days back and had rearranged it for today so he obviously had planned it before-hand.

He doesn't think it's a big deal - I do and was quite upset driving back to work. When I got back this evening I asked if he had done this before and he said no. I just think it's awful that he didn't even tell me. What do you all think?

I don't think it's a big deal. I have friends who have done it, on the basis that if everyone knew they were on a day off they'd end up with a list of jobs to do.

I wonder if he'd have told you when you got home from work?

😂 just realised this is from 2012

My DH is semi retired and works 2 days a week. I work full time and in addition to my holiday I get extra days off for answering the office phone sometimes at weekends. I regard these days as my special reward and use them for self indulgence - shopping, beaut treatments or doing nothing at home. I d;on't always tell DH if I'm taking one, I'd only find myself on the receiving end of requests to pick up items, go to the garden centre, wait in for a parcel etc. We have our mutual leave and weekends for doing things together, what I do with my lieu days is for me and me alone.

I’m sorry but I’ve done this before.
I kept it secret because knew if DH knew he’d ask me to do this and that, and I just couldn’t be bothered, I wanted to do absolutely nothing. It was only an afternoon, and only once, and omg it was amazing!
He probably didn’t tell you in case you gave him a list of jobs to do or something, I think once in a while it’s nice to do sweet FA

Oh, zombie thread! It was deffo still worth it though, I’d recommend 🤣

Yabu. Perhaps he needed some alone time. I've done this before too because my partner didn't respect my need for alone time and kept booking time off at the same time as me/ calling in sick on my annual leave. I notice upthead that you mentioned that if you had known he had time off, you would have booked time off too - perhaps this is the problem.

@katieks PLEASE come back and tell us if your DH is happier now the DCs are older

I agree with @Catforaheadrest!

I think in principle it's fair enough to want an annual leave day every now and then to just chill and have time to himself, BUT I think not telling you about it was pretty shitty and I'd be annoyed to. I'm guessing he thought if he told you would give him grief about it or stuff to do.

Maybe going forward you each agree to take a day or two annual's leave a year just to chill and do stuff for yourselves without other commitments, so you get a 'chill day' too.

Oh zombie thread.....

What's goin' down on my street?

This morning I had to run after the bin truck in my PJswith bare feet, dragging a super-heavy garden waste bin that nearly toppled over... that must've made the curtain twitchers giggle!

I dream of this sometimes all my days off are used to run errands and do housework etc. I think about taking a secret day off and slobbing out with no guilt.

Just talk to him.

Haha wrong thread!

I think he is deceitful, however he perhaps just wanted a quiet day to himself, if you knew he was having the day off you would probably have a list of jobs for him to do? Maybe do the same yourself and book the day off and do what pleases you?

@Sposh

I've done this

If everyone knew I had a day off I would have been given tasks. Nothing major, just 'seeing as how you're going to be home all day could you...?'

Errr no, I couldn't. I'm going to sit on my arse and watch crap telly.

So instead of having the tiff about it I just didn't mention it.

Couldn't get away with it nowadays, more's the pity.

Me too. Unfortunately dh is now retired so can't get away with it any more.

Having read all the OP's posts before noticing the 2012 not 2021, I now want to know what happened with @katieks relationship?
Did he leave?
Did they actually resolve issues?
Did the kids get sent to boarding school at 7?

I did think it was odd though that OP's DH had a PS3 though!

"if I give him a job"
This describes the status of your relationship currently.
There's something unequal about it.
Does he ever give you 'a job'?
You are seeing him as someone you give jobs to.
Sit at your kitchen table and visualise him coming in to the kitchen and giving you some 'jobs'.
It doesn't sound like he's that involved with the kids....to the point of where he's not seeing it as doing jobs with them as a favour to you.
But that he's being a proper parent who is responsible for them.
If you currently do almost everything relating to the kids then see if there's some of that you can allow him into.
Do you ask his advice on how to manage things or do you generally decide yourself and then dish out stuff he can do.
The secret day off is like a teenager who doesn't tell Mum because she'd ask him to do housework if he's at home all day.
Things change in relationships when kids come along, both parents have to consider this and see how to be adaptable and see how both parents can still get their needs to be an individual met.

Zombie thread!!
That's 10mins of my life I won't be getting back. Posting advice for a ghost on the internet instead of living my own life.

Its a big sneaky. But would you have given him a list of jobs to do if you'd known.

If he's been working long hours, he could be feeling a bit burned out by it all. And that's sometimes a hard thing to admit, or even recognise. Taking a day's leave and not telling anyone is something I could envisage doing.

I'd cut him a bit of slack, and make sure you both have some downtime where you can completely chill.

Did you ever stay together, op?

That is secretive behaviour, I'd feel worried as to why he couldn't tell me. Is it so you don't give him any chores to do?! Strange behaviour.

I think you've answered your own question OP. He didn't tell you because he knew you'd suggest taking a day together and probably didn't want to hurt your feelings or cause an argument by saying no. Everyone should be entitled to a "me" day, great for mh.

Zombie thread....