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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is the last year I'm doing this?

214 replies

changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 10:48

Today I will go to my parents for lunch with my family.

Parents, me, my 2 kids, my two brothers, their partners and kids.

As I've alluded to on another thread I will go there today, and the difference that's made between me and my brothers and my kids and their kids will be stark and obvious. And I will probably weep in the car on the way home.

So, I'm not doing it next year. Next year I'll do something else.

I'm a single parent. My kids are with the ex on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, depending. So I won't have a day just me and the kids (they arrived late yesterday)

I will go today and I have to bring the vegetables and the desserts. My brothers and their partners bring no food.

I cannot drink as there is only me, and I have to drive. Brothers and parents will get completely and utterly bladdered. And offensive, and rude. About everything.

My parents will dish out their gifts to the grandchildren and my children will receive "token" presents (scarves and bath bombs last year) whilst my brothers' children receive expensive gifts (bike and ipod touches last year).

My brothers will receive gifts from my parents (last year a book, a dvd and a jumper/fleece each). I will receive nothing.

Every other person in the room will have gifts to open. I will not.

I will be expected to fetch drinks/help dish out/help clear up. My brothers and their wives will sit and not help at all. I will, if past experience is anything to go by, not be offered a drink while my father runs around going "brother1s wife can I get you a drink? Brother2s wife? Oh, your drink's finished B1W let me get you another no don't get up, changing will get it for you"

So, MN jury, AIBU to say fuck the fucking lot of you to hell and back I'm not fucking going next year?

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 26/12/2011 10:49

YANBU at all.

FirTreeMitTheKrog · 26/12/2011 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 10:51

I'm actually crying as I typed it out Sad

And I'm sorry its so long.

I can't do it next year I just can't. Next year I'll have the kids on Christmas Day and I'm staying at home just me and them and having the day to ourselves.

OP posts:
sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 10:52

I think you have just come down with a very infectious tummy bug and couldn't possibly dream of going and risking infecting the entire family with it.

It is naturally very regretful that you won't be able to attend. feck em why be a slave for the day.

FabbyChic · 26/12/2011 10:53

dont go please. Why put yourself through that when they so obviously treat you so differently.

Tell them, stand up for yourself that you are not going because you are sick of being treated like a second class sibling.

skybluepearl · 26/12/2011 10:54

do you have to go this year? can you go and say you have a sore knee and need to rest up? or just try to get through the day and arrange something nice by yourself or with friends next year. why do your parents give better gifts to brothers and their kids? any history?

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 10:54

Why are you even bothering to go sweetheart? It sounds like the day from hell.

Whats the back story though? there is usually some trigger for such a marked difference in teatment.

SilentBoob · 26/12/2011 10:54

They sound fucking awful. I can't imagine you would regret not going for a second. Don't go!!

BlissfulMistletoe · 26/12/2011 10:55

Just don't go today, stay at home

mrssmooth · 26/12/2011 10:56

Why do your parents get away with treating you like this? And why do your brothers and their partners let your parents treat you like this? You are not their bloody servant ffs Angry I wouldn't go today if I were you - you really don't deserve to be treated like that. Sad

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 10:56

No matter what the back story is, the gp shouldn't take it out on the GC.
Don't go. Why put your children through that? Is this their Christmas memory with you, they've had a great time with Dad to be snubbed by GP when with their mum.

If you cant get the strength to protect yourself from them protect your children.

Don't go.

WhiteChristmasontheSierraMadre · 26/12/2011 10:57

Oh my god don't go! The best thing about being an adult is that you get to choose. Spend the day with your children and enjoy it.

Remember the Mumsent mantra: No is a complete sentence.

BellaVita · 26/12/2011 10:57

I wouldn't go today. Why on earth do you put yourself through that? Shock

FabbyChic · 26/12/2011 10:58

Be strong tell them why you aren't going, tell them they treat your kids and you like shit and you aren't standing for it anymore, that its unfair to give expensive presents to one set of grand children and shit to the other grand children, that its not right you have nothing to open and your brothers and partners do.

If you wont tell them give me their phone number and I will.

fivegomadindorset · 26/12/2011 10:59

Agree with teh others, don't go, shops are open if you need to get some food in, snuggle down with your DC's and watch films all day.

BastedTurkey · 26/12/2011 10:59

Don't go.

These people add no joy to your life, only pain.

Spend a lovely day at home doing what you want to do.

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:00

It's always been like this for as long as I can remember.

there is a massive history of me being scapegoated (I think that's what it's called) and I haven't had a present from my parents since I had my kids. That wouldn't bother me, if it was equal, but it's bothering me that they treat the kids so differently.

I have stopped letting everyone else walk all over me (got separated almost 3 years ago) - I just haven't dealt with this yet.

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 26/12/2011 11:00

Oh, I hope you haven't gone- it sounds utterly, utterly vile. If you have gone, I really hope this is the year they decide to treat you with some decency. Please report back!

SirSugar · 26/12/2011 11:00

You could take my stinking cold with you and infect the lot of them by sneezing profusely over their drinks as you serve

JKSLtd · 26/12/2011 11:01

If you don't want your kids to be part of the lie, claim the car won start so you can't go, never mind here's some popcorn and a DVD lets all snuggle on the sofa and eat treats - tell them you can arrange gift exchanging another time if they are worried about it. (depending how old they are hey may surprise you and be happy bot to go)

Don't go.

mominamillion · 26/12/2011 11:01

As fabby says, don't go but don't make made up excuses. Tell them truthfully why you are not going. They deserve to hear what a pathetic excuse for a family they are.

You have no need to put yourself through this, even just one last time. You are worth more than that.

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 11:02

Don't go today - I wouldnt.

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:03

I have tons of food here, I have all the veggies Smile plus I've a gammon cooked for tomorrow, and I've two desserts done, so I could just come down with a lurgy and stay put.

It's bugging me more now the kids are noticing - I had my kids long before my brothers so for a long time my brothers didn't have kids for my parents to buy for, so I put it down to that they were buying the kids and not me, but since my brothers have had kids, my parents have carried on buying them as well as their kids, and their kids get expensive presents.

I hope I never treat my kids or grandchildren differently because it is a horrible thing to be on the receiving end of.

OP posts:
ParkerRocks · 26/12/2011 11:04

Don't go! It's so sad that they treat their grandchildren like that and why should you be slaves to them? Whatever the back story is you are an adult, you can choose to stay at home and shield your kids from this blatant favouritism. Tell them the truth or tell them you are all unwell, whatever, just take this day at home and enjoy the time with your kids! Leave that bunch to play perfect family Christmas by themselves!

NinkyNonker · 26/12/2011 11:04

Please don't go, I feel tearful for you. Go and do something lovely with your kids, they love you so fuck the rest of them.