To think this is the last year I'm doing this?

[changingnicknameforxmas]

Today I will go to my parents for lunch with my family.

Parents, me, my 2 kids, my two brothers, their partners and kids.

As I've alluded to on another thread I will go there today, and the difference that's made between me and my brothers and my kids and their kids will be stark and obvious. And I will probably weep in the car on the way home.

So, I'm not doing it next year. Next year I'll do something else.

I'm a single parent. My kids are with the ex on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, depending. So I won't have a day just me and the kids (they arrived late yesterday)

I will go today and I have to bring the vegetables and the desserts. My brothers and their partners bring no food.

I cannot drink as there is only me, and I have to drive. Brothers and parents will get completely and utterly bladdered. And offensive, and rude. About everything.

My parents will dish out their gifts to the grandchildren and my children will receive "token" presents (scarves and bath bombs last year) whilst my brothers' children receive expensive gifts (bike and ipod touches last year).

My brothers will receive gifts from my parents (last year a book, a dvd and a jumper/fleece each). I will receive nothing.

Every other person in the room will have gifts to open. I will not.

I will be expected to fetch drinks/help dish out/help clear up. My brothers and their wives will sit and not help at all. I will, if past experience is anything to go by, not be offered a drink while my father runs around going "brother1s wife can I get you a drink? Brother2s wife? Oh, your drink's finished B1W let me get you another no don't get up, changing will get it for you"

So, MN jury, AIBU to say fuck the fucking lot of you to hell and back I'm not fucking going next year?

I fell asleep on the sofa for over an hour this afternoon

Dont be embarrassed about it. You are emotionally, drained. It's tough to realise that you have had put up with any sort of abuse, it's mentally draining.

If you need sleep, then do so. You will be better for it.

Sleep, eat well, take care of yourself.

I really like the sound of your bf btw. :)

GwendolineMaryLaced - I like him too

Joking apart, he's good for me, it's a totally different relationship to the one I had with my ex, like I said it's the silly things that make the difference - I still remember one of the first times I stayed over at his and he said he'd make breakfast, my ex never made me breakfast, BF threw me the TV remote and "ordered" me to sit on my arse and watch whatever I liked on the TV while he made the breakfast - it was just so different

OMG, he sounds like GOLD. Fancy sharing him around a bit?

Mole - emmmm .....

No

I know it sounds so silly and it's normal to a lot of people but it wasn't normal for me and it still makes me smile when I remember it

lol...ok

Awwww. I hope everything goes really well for you both.

sounds like you deserve a bit of 'normal'

so glad you didn't go. and i think it's right that you wait for them to contact you. they're probably pissed off that you 'ruined' their lunch by not bringing the veg and dessert and waiting on them hand and foot. how dare you be sick and not around for them to kick you.

Bloody brilliant!

So glad you didn't go and you gave yourself and dcs the christmas you all deserved. Hope your parents et al enjoyed their lunch with no vegetables!

Just read the whole thread in one go, so pleased you didn't go, and had a lovely day with some nice people!

Stick a note on your phone telling yourself not to call them. Get caller ID or let everything go to answerphone and only pick up if you feel like talking. You can keep everything very noncommittal and short. If they start hassling you to visit, you can say "mmm, haven't got my diary to hand, I'll let you know" or "ooh, bit busy at the moment, maybe some other time" or "no, I don't think I will, not at the moment, bye then". You don't have to do confrontation unless you want to and feel strong enough (which might be a while).

There is a good chance they won't remember you exist, and will leave you alone. Mine send birthday cards for the children and that's it - I stopped seeing them over a year ago. I thought they'd give me loads of hassle but they just dropped me like a brick. Which is sad but also a relief.

Spend lots of time with your bf and other normal people and learn what "normal" is. Its a revelation, honestly. And it will be a lot easier to stand up to your parents once you fully appreciate just how very awful they are.

This is all very very helpful of you all - thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to me.

And Bertha you have hit the nail on the head - revelation is an excellent word for it

glad u feel better op

lots of good advice here