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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is the last year I'm doing this?

214 replies

changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 10:48

Today I will go to my parents for lunch with my family.

Parents, me, my 2 kids, my two brothers, their partners and kids.

As I've alluded to on another thread I will go there today, and the difference that's made between me and my brothers and my kids and their kids will be stark and obvious. And I will probably weep in the car on the way home.

So, I'm not doing it next year. Next year I'll do something else.

I'm a single parent. My kids are with the ex on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, depending. So I won't have a day just me and the kids (they arrived late yesterday)

I will go today and I have to bring the vegetables and the desserts. My brothers and their partners bring no food.

I cannot drink as there is only me, and I have to drive. Brothers and parents will get completely and utterly bladdered. And offensive, and rude. About everything.

My parents will dish out their gifts to the grandchildren and my children will receive "token" presents (scarves and bath bombs last year) whilst my brothers' children receive expensive gifts (bike and ipod touches last year).

My brothers will receive gifts from my parents (last year a book, a dvd and a jumper/fleece each). I will receive nothing.

Every other person in the room will have gifts to open. I will not.

I will be expected to fetch drinks/help dish out/help clear up. My brothers and their wives will sit and not help at all. I will, if past experience is anything to go by, not be offered a drink while my father runs around going "brother1s wife can I get you a drink? Brother2s wife? Oh, your drink's finished B1W let me get you another no don't get up, changing will get it for you"

So, MN jury, AIBU to say fuck the fucking lot of you to hell and back I'm not fucking going next year?

OP posts:
BellaVita · 26/12/2011 11:05

Stay put then.

Do you know, I am feel really angry on your behalf.

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:05

I think, as my friend says, that it's all connected to getting married to a man who carried on as they did and everything was my fault (there's a thread about how it's my fault that he changed his mind about DD1 present) and now I'm seeing it clearly for what it is - one set of fuckwits setting me up for the next fuckwit.

And now I'm seeing it for what it was always.

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 26/12/2011 11:05

Why the hell are you going today?? It's not even as if your kids have a fabulous time so you're putting up with it for their sake ffs. Please please ring them and say that actually, you'd rather stick pins in your eyes than go. Then open the chocolates (or go to Tesco and buy nice things if you haven't anything in) and snuggle up with your children watching lovely films and they can play with their toys.

Give me their number, I'll ring them.

bumblebeader · 26/12/2011 11:05

Is there a good reason to wait until next year? Don't go, say your ill and enjoy your dcs.

WhatWouldLeoDo · 26/12/2011 11:05

Oh I really wish you wouldn't go OP. that sounds utterly miserable and you could have a lovely day at home with your DC instead.

At some point I hope you tell them exactly why you won't be going next year. If you can't do it face to face then put it in writing.

If you do go, come back to this thread later to offload.

FirTreeMitTheKrog · 26/12/2011 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NinkyNonker · 26/12/2011 11:06

And your brother's and their wives don't come out of this at all well either.

JKSLtd · 26/12/2011 11:06

You are comin round to staying at home yey Grin
If you don't feel strong enough for te truth right now just lie, it's not like you truly value their opinion of you anyway so what's a lie going to hurt? Nd think of ll the hurt you'll avoid by staying at grime with jut you and your dcSmile

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:06

The other option is go, today, and call them on it every time and have the biggest row ever in the history of the entire world.

Which if nothing else would be cathartic.

OP posts:
Confuseddd · 26/12/2011 11:06

Good God in heaven. Something has to change here! And it will probably have to be you. Don't put yourself through this anymore. Don't involve yourself with these people until you can do it on your own terms. You deserve lots of love and cherishing.

Plonker · 26/12/2011 11:06

Don't go this year! Don't wait till next year to make stand!

Nobody should ever be treated like that. Vote with your feet and show them that you're worth more.

Have a lovely day with your children and screw the others. You'll feel much happier.

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:07

I'm only going because it's Christmas, and my boyfriend was here yesterday and he kept saying it's one fucking day give yourself a break why would you put yourself through it

But then, he's not generally a fan of my family Grin

OP posts:
JKSLtd · 26/12/2011 11:07

Sorry loads of typos there Blush

Give me your car keys so you can't go!

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 26/12/2011 11:08

Fuck Christmas. Don't go, I actually feel quite anxious for you

JKSLtd · 26/12/2011 11:08

Liking your boyfriend Grin

Original poster
changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 11:09

I do have a cold (really I do it's not that bad but I do have a cold) and DD1 has a sore throat - she's eating melon because it's slippy Grin so I could lay it on with a trowel and stay here.

Or would that be too cowardly?

OP posts:
Demonata · 26/12/2011 11:09

Changing, I came down with a bug on Christmas Eve and spent the whole day in misery (stomach gurgling, dozing, lethargic). Christmas Day I was much better.

And I've just breathed over your name which means you'll come down with it. Today. Right this minute. Xmas Wink

So you should to phone up your "family" and tell them you're poorly. Not to worry about you but have fun anyway.

Seriously, you have a choice whether to go through a day from hell or not. And put your kids through the same day. Be kind to yourself.

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 26/12/2011 11:09

Ah your boyfriend sounds sensible!!

Stuff them, please don't go. Once you make the decision you will feel much better.

Fairytightsonmychristmastree · 26/12/2011 11:09

Sounds absolutely awful. I really feel for you. Why are they like this? Is it deliberate or are they (clutching at straws here) just ignorant about how offensive they are?

Personally I would not go. However, depending on my frame of mind (and tbh you sound quite low) if I was bouyed up enough about their rudeness I would go and point out the stark differences in a light hearted sarcastic manner. If someone offers brothers wives a drink but expect you to get your own I would get up and say in a jovial tone "thats ok dont worry about asking me if I want one, I will get my own ha ha ha".

Its not the type of thing thats easy to carry off though if you are low and feeling deflated at the situation and there is ofcourse that by being lightly sarcastic that they could (god forbid) be offended by your bluntness and an argument could kick off.

The easy option would be to feign an illness and have a quiet day at home with your DC and think fuck them!!

Confuseddd · 26/12/2011 11:09

What's the worst that could happen if you tell them they are COMPLETELY out of order? Call them on the presents etc. Leave the flipping veg and desserts at home - tell them you forgot.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 26/12/2011 11:10

Look, lay it on with a trowel today if it gets you out of going. But you need to address it at some point, sooner rather than later. My key concern is that you don't go today tbh.

NinkyNonker · 26/12/2011 11:10

Deffo don't go. No excuses, just "I don't feel like playing serving girl to brothers today thanks", or just "I'm not coming, I'll explain in the New Year."

RealiTreeCoveredInTinsel · 26/12/2011 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetsantababy · 26/12/2011 11:11

OP don't go this year either, the bastards.Angry they don't deserve you.

ParkerRocks · 26/12/2011 11:12

Just to add I do understand where you are coming from, my mum always treated me like second class sibling to my sister and started doing it with my LO's. It all came to a head recently when I blew up at my dad over it and subsequently my dad and sis blew up at my mum! I'm not sure she really realised she was doing it although everyone else had noticed and thought she was totally out of order.