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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 kids, and planning a 4th, in a tiny 2 bedroomed house is a bit much?

208 replies

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 08:42

AIBU?

Someone I know had her third child 6 months ago; they live in a tiny house, literally a kitchen and living room downstairs, and 2 small bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The older 2 children share a bedroom and there is just enough room for a bunk bed and all their stuff, and the baby is still in with them, the cot is at the end of their bed and they cannot walk round past their bed past the cot, they have to climb over the bed to get out of the room.

Now they are planning baby #4 and have no intention of moving, as their rent is cheap but I honestly cannot see where they are going to fit baby #4. Their home is understandably cluttered on every surface with their stuff, got knows where another baby's stuff will go, let alone where it will sleep.

I'm not one for being adament every child should have its own room etc but I do think being crammed into a house like sardines isn't a good idea either. I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 13/12/2011 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

forceslover · 13/12/2011 08:47

What does it have to do with you? Confused

CailinDana · 13/12/2011 08:49

My mum was one of 9 in three bedroom house, four boys in one room, five girls in the other. All 9 turned out fine.

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 08:49

Nothing, forceslover, but I am free to express my opinion on it. I'm sure lots of situations posted on AIBU have nothing to do with the person posting about them!

ruby, I really can't see how it can be fine, when they literally have nowhere to put a 4th bed, and no room at all for anything else.

OP posts:
GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 13/12/2011 08:49

Maybe they're taking a longer view. A friend of mine, in a small 3-bed, tried for a third on the basis that in a couple of years they'd be able to afford to move, as they're in jobs with clear progression/promotion pathways, but by then they might not be able to have more babies. They ended up with twins, so are a bit squashed for now but by the time the kids are bigger, will be able to have their "forever home."

NatashaBee · 13/12/2011 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

echt · 13/12/2011 08:50

Their business, apparently.

Someone will be along soon to say an OAP should fuck off and leave the large house they've lived in for years to such people.

OhTheConfusion · 13/12/2011 08:51

They are obviously happy with their choices. It would not be for me, DH and I would like a 4th but each of our dc's have their own room and we don't want them to share now they are used to that. However a 5th bedroom and a new car would make baby number four very expensive! Confused

Ellefabulosa · 13/12/2011 08:52

In my grandmas day this would've been nothing. I can't see the problem if the children are well loved and cared for

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 08:53

Natashabee, my thoughts exactly! It just isn't fair on the children. No space or privacy at all for them. Eating dinner off their laps every evening on the sofa or sitting on the floor as there is no space for a dining table.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 08:53

A friend of mine was in a one bed flat until very recently with 3 children, they only moved when she was expecting twins. They chose to stay there as the area was good and the kids were settled in nursery/school.

It's not really any one your business is it? I am sure they will manage. Does it really matter if they have to climb over the bed?

Ciske · 13/12/2011 08:56

It will be interesting to see how they manage to get 3 kids in one bedroom, or 4 once the new baby moves out of the cot. But ultimately, it's a practical problem, not a moral one. YANBU to be curious about how they will manage, but YABU about judging it before you see the solution.

HappyCamel · 13/12/2011 08:56

Actually, I can see this as a problem. It's wishful thinking and selfish to pretend it doesn't affect the children but it's ok because it's what the adults want.

Angelswings · 13/12/2011 08:57

There were 10 kids and 2 adults living in what was only half of the house I grew up in. Our house was 2 cottages put together, but had been 2 2 bedroom dwellings.

They had a kitchen and sitting room down stairs and one bedroom that led into another upstairs.

The chap in the house opposite had grown up there and had fond memories.

trulyscrumptious43 · 13/12/2011 09:00

Someone I know has a similar position. 2 bedrooms, 3 DDs. Oldest DD has room of her own, other two DD's (aged 5 and 2) in the adults room. DD aged 5 is not related to father of youngest DD, who sleeps in the room.
Now, I know that this is all fine, and that they are a loving and balanced family, but since it's a council house they are eligible for a bigger house due to unrelated male sleeping in same room as the 5 yo.
It just seems bonkers that they won't apply for the bigger house but there you go. None of our business but I would love to see them have room to play and dress since it is most likely available.

No I don't think YABU.

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 09:03

I made the point about them climbing over the bed to illustrate how tiny their room is, ie there is no room in there for another bed/cot, and certainly no room in the older childrens' room for a bed/cot either.

As far as I know they have no plans to move, unless they get a council or HA house, which as I said they have been told is unlikely.

Happycamel, you have summed up my thoughts exactly. Surely what is best for the children has to come into it at some point, rather than the parents saying "we want another baby, we'll manage"

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 09:03

Kids do survive without having a dining table you know Wink

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 09:05

I agree valium, but it's not ideal is it, sitting on the lounge floor with a plate on their lap? Also the oldest is at secondary school and has nowhere to do homework as they have no table and no room to have a desk in the bedroom.

OP posts:
olgaga · 13/12/2011 09:06

I had to grow up like this and I have to say I absolutely bloody hated it.

An overcrowded home environment may be manageable now when the kids are small, but it won't help them when they are older and need some quiet space to study.

That's obviously not their priority though.

With 3 already I suppose they might as well go for 4. I don't suppose they have spent more than a moment thinking about how they will afford 4 children, beyond imagining that it'll give them more housing "points" and bump up the old CB and tax credits.

But maybe I'm just being cynical.

Bloodymary · 13/12/2011 09:07

The only thing that I see wrong with it is that the children eat off of their laps all of the time!

Can they really not squeeze in a table somewhere? A drop leaf one would fold down really small.

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 09:07

We didn't have a table for years as we were in a flat. We had lap trays. I was more concerned that we didn't have a garden.

jellybeans · 13/12/2011 09:08

YABU
In other cultures or eras that would seem a lot of room. It's not the end of the world and you are being abit judgy. My kids share and they love it. If they need more privacy they can use my room or go in another room. Lot's of sibs are a lot of fun! Not everyone bases their decision to have kids makes it based on material things.

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 09:08

olgaga, yes they are very reliant on TCs, and have said that it has been great since number 3 arrived as they are much better off financially.

OP posts:
Scholes34 · 13/12/2011 09:09

With limited space, I'd choose a dining table over a sofa.

cory · 13/12/2011 09:12

"Surely what is best for the children has to come into it at some point"

Indeed. The problem is who gets to decide where this point lies.

There are plenty of Mumsnetters who think the cut-off point should be where you can no longer afford private education for all your children (because education matters, right?). That would obviously make quite a few of us irresponsible, but you can see where these people are coming from: it is something that seems like an essential in their lives.

Other people would think a room of your own is an essential and the cut-off point should lie there.

Others might think it is where you can no longer afford new clothes for children but have to rely on cast-offs.

Many people think living in a house rather than a flat is an essential- but this is a very British view that would not be shared by most Europeans (even in the wealthier countries).

No doubt all of us would agree that the cut-off point lies before a point where your children are starving and cold. But as for the other possible points- we're not all going to agree on which one of the above counts as an essential.