To think that 3 kids, and planning a 4th, in a tiny 2 bedroomed house is a bit much?

[choccywoccydoohdah]

AIBU?

Someone I know had her third child 6 months ago; they live in a tiny house, literally a kitchen and living room downstairs, and 2 small bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The older 2 children share a bedroom and there is just enough room for a bunk bed and all their stuff, and the baby is still in with them, the cot is at the end of their bed and they cannot walk round past their bed past the cot, they have to climb over the bed to get out of the room.

Now they are planning baby #4 and have no intention of moving, as their rent is cheap but I honestly cannot see where they are going to fit baby #4. Their home is understandably cluttered on every surface with their stuff, got knows where another baby's stuff will go, let alone where it will sleep.

I'm not one for being adament every child should have its own room etc but I do think being crammed into a house like sardines isn't a good idea either. I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

thought you'd like that one favorolles

It don't know if it affects the OP's life or not. Most of the time I suspect AIBU posters are reluctant to say anything in real life and use AIBU as a way to sound off about what they really think. If I knew someone in a similar position I'd probably be thinking the same thing... not sure I'd actually bother posting.

24joy - we own our home, and we are bringing up our dc to know that if you can't afford it, you don't have it.

I also strongly feel there is an argument for making sure families share space more often. I know too many families who come back from school/work, have a quick freezer tea on their knees, then spend the rest of the evening in separate rooms, not seeing or speaking to each other. I see many dc with a very selfish outlook on life, who cannot share, and take major offense at the slightest thing, because they are not used to normal family banter and joshing. They have everything they want, but nothing they need.
I have so many people disapproving of my lifestyle, because they feel that 4 dc + small house = neglect, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
I don't envy any of my friends lifestyle, because what I've got works for me and my family, and nothing else matters.

Even if they had a 6 bed house, it could still be CLUTTERED!! Sone people are just like that.....

Also, they could arrange it so there are 2 dc in each room and mum and dad can sleep on a sofa bed in the living room, all depends on where the gas appliances are.

I give you: the Bunk Cot!

Cogito, I doubt it affects the OP's life in any way, other than giving her something to gossip about. Of course a lot of people look at other people's lives and say "Ooh I wouldn't do that!" but to point the finger at them and say "that's wrong" when the family aren't breaking the law or neglecting their children seems a bit excessive to me. Surely a mature person can look at their judgements and decide whether they're valid or not?

fantastic AKMD I could do with one of those!

I love that bunk cot

I think it is selfish and irresponsible in this day and age and myself and husband come from large families but that was before there was so much choice about contraception and sure ignorance paid a part to in those days but both sets of parents bought us up well with good work ethics so proud of our families.

I can see the appeal of large(ish) families and if they are loved and well cared for there are certainly benefits but with the planet overcrowded and the benefits system at breaking point plus what some posters have said about older children needing more space, etc I really don't get. It is selfish on the adults' part. But if the parents work (or at least one of them works) and bring the children up with good work ethics good luck to them but thinking of the country /world as a whole, it is selfish and unnecessary.

Why do so many people think the world will end if you eat off of your lap?

We do it all the time and we have a dining table

as long as the parents take responsibility for their choices & dont expect anyone else to pick up the tab, its fine.

my mum & auntie shared a room, then later my 3 cousins the same room. there was only room for beds. there is nothing wrong with sharing in itself.

the parents do need to realise that they cannot relying on the current benefits system being in place to help them for the future. on this basis YANBU.

YABU and very judgey

Small children dont need privacy or indeed a lot of room. When they are older it might be an issue. If they can afford to keep their own family and are not on benefits then I dont see the problem

I have 4 dcs and they all share bedrooms - so I do see the appeal of a larger family. But tbh I agree with the op. I think when dcs are very young a lack of space probably impacts more on the parents than the kids.

But as DCs grow up they need space to do homework, to have friends round, to sit at a table and learn table manners, etc. Not having space for these things will impact on them.

So no dcs don't need a bedroom each, but they do need some space.

We were lucky to grow up in one of those houses as the previous one had one bedroom, no toilet or bathroom but a shared loo out in the landing with the whole floor. It was common to have up to seven kids in one bedroom. Mind your own business, if they are happy.

Space to sit and do homework??

Well I have 3 teens and they ALL sit crossed leg on their bed with their laptop. That replaces the need for loads if textbooks and exercise books etc... They hardly have any traditional schoolbooks

mimimischief - There is nothing wrong with eating off your laps as long as dcs learn how to sit at a table and basic table manners. imo it is obvious on holiday the dcs who are not used to sitting at a table to eat, as unsurprisingly they don't want to.

And it is a disadvantage for a teenager and young adult not to have learned basic table manners.

This is where AIBU goes wrong... instead of asking about something that directly affects you, some posters just can't function without running other people down for their choices. Without exception they sound like judgemental knobs with self-esteem issues.

But it does directly affect us if it gives them more points for the council house they are on the waiting list for. Who pays for this? And who pays for the extra TC they receive?

Relations of mine grew up in a huge house, with 3 kids, who pretty much could have had a sitting room of their own, lots of bathrooms and big bedrooms.

Very dysfunctional family, despite all the wealth they had.

A lot of it is down to personality, not material possessions.

And we have a large dining room table and 2 rooms have a desk in!! It's their choice to sit on the bed

I wonder if it is anything to do with the "middle child can be difficult" thing, that may play a part or just wanting an even number! May be!

6 children, 3 bedroom house.

i am not moving as i love my house and my neighbours.

Table manners are entirely down to parenting, and nothing to do with space IMO.
A 2 child family living in a 10 bedroom house will not automatically have lovely well behaved dc.

And I don't think it is a valid argument to talk about the past. I grew up in 2 rooms with no hot running water and shared outside toilet. 1 room a small bedroom for my parents and storage, the other room a recessed double bed for dcs, living area and cooking area. I am 47 - so not ancient. I was very happy and accepted our living arrangement as normal and many of my friends lived in similar circumstances.

But the truth is it was far from ideal. It was stressful and difficult for my mum to keep the place reasonably tidy and clean. It was difficult to have friends around. And impossible to get any quiet time in the house. And a crucial difference was that even very young children spent a lot of time playing outside and babies were left outside in prams - a lot more of life lived in the street.

There are lots of things that were common in the recent past that mums on here would throw their hands up in horror at now. For example, 7 and 8 year olds routinely taking toddlers and babies out for walks without adult supervision. Our idea of what is acceptable has changed.

faverolles - yes table manners are totally to do with parenting. But they do need a table to at some point teach table manners at. Can be a drop leaf stored against the wall, but it does need to exist.

tbh I think the op is right, but I also think a very large house is not necessarily great for dcs as the risk is that they end up leasding fairly separate lives in their bedrooms.