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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 kids, and planning a 4th, in a tiny 2 bedroomed house is a bit much?

208 replies

choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 08:42

AIBU?

Someone I know had her third child 6 months ago; they live in a tiny house, literally a kitchen and living room downstairs, and 2 small bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The older 2 children share a bedroom and there is just enough room for a bunk bed and all their stuff, and the baby is still in with them, the cot is at the end of their bed and they cannot walk round past their bed past the cot, they have to climb over the bed to get out of the room.

Now they are planning baby #4 and have no intention of moving, as their rent is cheap but I honestly cannot see where they are going to fit baby #4. Their home is understandably cluttered on every surface with their stuff, got knows where another baby's stuff will go, let alone where it will sleep.

I'm not one for being adament every child should have its own room etc but I do think being crammed into a house like sardines isn't a good idea either. I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 13/12/2011 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Laquitar · 13/12/2011 10:36

LittlesLights, i agree that teenagers sit on the bed and not using the desks anyway.

Everybody says that we used to have less stuff.
Have you forgotten the 80s? Grin.
Huge stereos, huge tvs, shelves with records, shelves with encyclopedias (sp). My parents house is still like this.

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 10:38

3 of my dcs sit on the bed to do homework - 1 uses desk. But op is talking about a house so small dcs only choice is bunk beds. My dcs couldn't physically sit upright in a lower bunk to do homework, as they are too tall to do this.

Also when they are young having a table they can sit and draw at for example, does make life easier.

I don't think the issue is sharing bedrooms, its just a general lack of space. And i don't think it is a big issue when dcs are smaller, but it will be when they are older.

misdee · 13/12/2011 10:41

even with tables and desks my lot can be found lounging on beds, sofas and floors drawing or doing their homework.

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 10:55

But misdee - you have space for them to do this. One small living room, 1 bedroom with only space for bunk beds and 1 other small bedroom, doesn't leave floor or sofa space for 4 dcs to lounge about on.

It sounds like a small terraced house. imo in these, in the living room it will be very full with a 3 seater and 2 seater sofa, with no real floor space. There will be 2 adults and 4 dcs. So no lounging space at all in the living room.

They will probably need to have either parents or dcs sleeping in living room, so will further reduce space there. In bedroom with bunk beds - there is no space to lounge on carpet and a lower bunk when you are a teenager presents minimal lounging space.

In 2nd bedroom it is currently full with a double bed and cot. So either they keep it as parents space and no space for older dcs to lounge in. Or they move 2 dcs in with bunk beds and there is a small amount of carpet to lounge on.

2nd bedroom -

4madboys · 13/12/2011 10:55

3 bedroom house and 5 kids, we have dd in with us, she is in our bed and when she is a big bigger, we have a toddler bed in our room for her to go into (ds4 used to sleep in it) there are ds1 and ds2 in one bedroom and ds3 and ds4 in another, bunkbeds. its fine we may move in a few years or we will juggle the bedroom situation round by giving the younger 3 the bigger bedroom until we can afford to do a loft conversion. kids sit at the dining rm table to do homework etc.

i am one of two, we always had three bed houses as kids but often CHOSE to share. kids dont have to have their own bedrooms, its a fairly recent thing and not necessary, nice but not essential.

GrownUpBelievesInSanta · 13/12/2011 10:57

Nah, I learned in history about families of twelve sharing one bed. So long as they have their own bed and everything is well organised, I don't see a problem with it.

Serenitysutton · 13/12/2011 10:58

It's not for me.living as our improverished grandparents did in 2011 really isn't desirable.

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 11:00

4madboys - I don't think the issue is sharing bedrooms - imo this is fine. It is just the sheer lack of space for when they are older.

misdee · 13/12/2011 11:02

should say, actually have just 5 kids atm, #6 is due in the spring.

we have a triple bunk in one room, which dd1, 2 and 4 share, allthe girls clothes in that rooom in built in wardrobes. and the oher room has cot, spare highsleeper and toddler bed, ds currently in cot, dd3 in the toddler bed. desk and homework pc for dd1 (secondry age) in that room as its bigger.

kitchen has a 4-8seating table, if i pull it compltely out.

should be putting another desk under the stairs alcove soon once i've sorted out under there.

dd1+4 choose to share the double bed of the triple bunk, have tried seperating them but they sleep better together.

MelanieWiggles · 13/12/2011 11:02

Dh grew up in a small two bedroom house, with six siblings, two parents and an elderly aunt living in it. He and his siblings are all university educated and have exceptional table manners. He has very happy memories of his childhood, despite sharing a bed with his older brother (and there were four boys in his room).

It really isn't any of your business.

TheRealTillyMinto · 13/12/2011 11:09

right so we just pay for it.... but its none of our business?

olgaga · 13/12/2011 11:12

I don't see what's "judgey" about being concerned about overcrowded homes!

Respected organisations like Shelter have been campaigning about it for years. This is what they say:

"Shelter research shows that living in overcrowded housing harms the health of children, makes it more difficult for them to study, and causes depression, anxiety and stress in the home."

Are they being judgey?

Surely the point is this couple have a choice. It's not like they're a family which has fallen on hard times, whose circumstances have changed. They are making a conscious choice to have more children, forcing them to endure undesirable and disadvantageous living conditions.

Have people really not noticed there's a recession on, that jobs are hard to find, wages are frozen while rents, fuel and food bills are all going up? That we now have a government which thinks people shouldn't have children they can't afford, and that the state (ie taxpayers) should not be required to intervene to protect those children from the poor choices their parents make?

I think families like this are going to get a massive shock when the welfare reform bill starts to take effect.

CailinDana · 13/12/2011 11:19

I hate to break it to you TheRealTillyMinto, but actually no, having money and paying tax doesn't give you the right to sit in judgement on other people. If you lost your income you would be damn glad of the benefits system and I don't think you would take kindly someone telling you how to run your life because you were on benefits. If you don't like the fact that we live in a society where poorer people get assistance then it might be wise to move to a country where they're allowed to rot on the street. That might suit you better.

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 13/12/2011 11:25

I think any family relying on benefits no matter what size the house will have a shock. I don't think that is an issue limited to those in small houses.
And comparing the situation to impoverished ancestors? No-one on this thread knows how the family in the op lives. I seriously doubt they wash everything by hand, unravel knitted jumpers to make new, bigger ones, cut the toes out of shoes to allow feet to grow, sleep 5 to a bed.......... A lot of judgmental, narrow-minded assumptions going on here.

BarryShitpeas · 13/12/2011 11:29

I have 4 dc in a 2 bed flat.

And so you know what? It's fine.

They are all happy, clothed, loved, clean.

Homework and meals happen around the kitchen table.

We chose to stay here as they are in a brilliant school and we are very much part of the community.

In a couple of years I will work, we will get a bigger mortgage and move, but probably just for an extra bedroom right here.

TheRealTillyMinto · 13/12/2011 11:33

CaitlinDana of course people should get assistance if they need it but people who get assistance should be bound by the same limiations as everyone else. i dont know anyone that works, who does not have a limit on the number of children they can have based on how much time or money they have.

the idea that anyone can do what they want & someone else pick up the tab is fanciful.

FWIW i think some of the changes the current govt are making are shockingly bad however the status quo needs changing.

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 11:36

I have read on various sites that the government intends that no one claiming state help (in form of IS or TCs) will be worse off than they currently are when the welfare reform takes place, so it looks like it won't affect families like I described very much at all.

OP posts:
HoHoOpotomus · 13/12/2011 11:38

It would be interesting in in 10/20/30 years time we could ask the kids? Would they have preferred life with youngest sibling? Or without youngest sibling and with an extra bedroom?

HoHoOpotomus · 13/12/2011 11:40

choccy would you feel such "concern" for this family if they weren't on benefits??

This is turning into a benefits slagging thread by stealth.

Original poster
choccywoccydoohdah · 13/12/2011 11:42

Yes I would, Hoho.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 13/12/2011 11:44

Yanbu, if they can't afford to move to somewhere bigger, it doesn't sound very fair on the dc. I don't think the lack of a dining table is so much of a problem, but children need a bit of space to play and to have enough room to have a bit of personal space, especially as they get older. There is nothing room with 2 dc sharing a bedroom, but not to the point where they are crammed in like sardines.

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 13/12/2011 11:48

Hoho - you're right, but most people I know, when they have dc of their own, start to question how they were brought up, and make adjustments to their own lives, changing the things they thought their parents did wrong.
I grew up in a large family, each with our own rooms. From the outside it must have looked idyllic, but from the inside - there are so many things that I look back and seeth quietly at the ways my parents did certain things.
As parents, we can only do what is right for us, and for our families. But there's no guarantees that any of us - no matter how many dc, no matter how big or small the house - will get it right.

halcyondays · 13/12/2011 11:48

I don't think being on benefits has anything to do with it, it is just common sense not to have more children than you can reasonably fit into your house. We have 3 bedrooms and can't afford to move house, therefore we wouldn't plan to have any more than 3 or 4 children. Actually we're not planning to have more than 2, but you know what I mean. If we had 5 or 6 children we would be crammed in and it would affect everyone's quality of life.

RainboweBrite · 13/12/2011 12:13

Personally, I wouldn't want this for me and my family, but I wouldn't waste my time worrying about anyone else who makes a choice to live this way. A friend of mine deliberately chooses to sleep with her Dss, aged 4 and 8,leaving a free bedroom for her 2 cats! Strange? Yes. Anyone wlae's business? No. h

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