To think that 3 kids, and planning a 4th, in a tiny 2 bedroomed house is a bit much?

[choccywoccydoohdah]

AIBU?

Someone I know had her third child 6 months ago; they live in a tiny house, literally a kitchen and living room downstairs, and 2 small bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The older 2 children share a bedroom and there is just enough room for a bunk bed and all their stuff, and the baby is still in with them, the cot is at the end of their bed and they cannot walk round past their bed past the cot, they have to climb over the bed to get out of the room.

Now they are planning baby #4 and have no intention of moving, as their rent is cheap but I honestly cannot see where they are going to fit baby #4. Their home is understandably cluttered on every surface with their stuff, got knows where another baby's stuff will go, let alone where it will sleep.

I'm not one for being adament every child should have its own room etc but I do think being crammed into a house like sardines isn't a good idea either. I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

I have 2 DD's sharing and 2 DS's (will be 3 DS's in few years). They never have trouble getting to sleep (although am lucky that DS's are twins and DD's are 2 years apart so no big age gaps). I know a few people with sharers who stagger bedtimes as one is much older. I have never needed to do this.

My kids love sharing and often if one is sleeping out the one on their own will go in the room with the others! They have had so much fun and closeness in sharing that you can't always get if you shut yourself away in your own room. If mine ever need a quiet moment they are free to go in another room or use my room. But they are often at friends or doing activities that they get plenty of time away from each other.

Of course there are more chances to argue if you are in the same bedroom and in the same living room. Thats because you interact with each other. So what? Should we each live on different floors with our own sofa and own tv in order to get on as a family?

marriedwreathed - made me cry ((hugs)) - so happy you can provide so well for your children, financially too. :)

On one hand, I think it's none of your business and if the couple themselves want, and can care for, a 4th child then they should have one. However, there must be a part of me that agrees with you because I have three children in a 3 bedroom house & the only reason I wouldn't have a 4th is because we have nowhere to put him/her. DS1 is autistic & needs his own room - DS2 is 10 years older than DD so they really can't share either. DD is in with us for the forseeable future as it is.

I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

They will remain low priority even with a 4th child. The overcrowding laws/rules say that the lounge can be used for sleeping space so they won't be deemed as overcrowded as the council will tell them to use the lounge to sleep in.

I would say YANBU. They are likely to be stuck like that for a long time as they wont be priority on any housing list. I only have the one sibling: and we lived in some poky places as children. It's not too bad when you're little as you don't care. But when you're older and want more privacy and time alone and are more sensitive, it's hell.

There is no getting away from anyone and you can't stop them coming into your room etc when you want privacy as it's shared and theirs too. Ditto the kitchen and bathroom. If you have a horrible sibling like mine, they will take pelasure in always knowing everything about you and teasing you.

People might say in my grandparetns day this is how it was: that's no argument now. There no need for it, especially with a growing population.

Don't we all make judgements about other people's choices all the time? For me, it's one of life's small pleasures, particularly when it comes to parenting choices. To me, it seems very odd to have a fourth child when you're already struggling financially.

Now, I'm not an expert, but I'm not sure A1980 is right about council house priorities. It's considered inappropriate for older children of different sexes to share a bedroom, so possibly at some stage this family will need to be rehoused.

"and the baby is still in with them," NO! A baby! Of 6 months! Still in the same room! Blimey. You'll be saying they bed share next.

Hackmum - judging other people is one of life's pleasures???????

I am trying it out right now, judging you for saying that! I'm not getting much pleasure though. Maybe I'm doing it wrong - will keep practicing!

Now, I'm not an expert, but I'm not sure A1980 is right about council house priorities.

I'm a solicitor. When I was a trainee I did housing law and dealt with over crowding cases. 2 adults and 3 children (2 girls and 1 boy aged 8-11) in a 2 bed flat were to deemed to be overcrowed as the lounge can be used as a bedroom.

It's right I'm afraid.

^ Sorry were not deemed to be overcrowded that should say.

This whole conversation just seems ludicrous to me!
What's it got to do with anybody other than the family in question? If they want to have another child and be even more cramped then that's their decision to make. It might not be what some of us would chose to do but we all make decisions that others might not approve of at some point in our lives.
I know loads of people who shared bedrooms, and believe it or not they actually survived!
On the matter of housing, somebody said they would need to be rehoused? But in the op it said they are renting their house, it is only if they r in a council house that they would be rehoused, if u privately rent or own your home then it's up to you how many kids you put in 1 room.
And as far as judging people is concerned, well I can say that yes I did used to be very judgmental but I'm now training to be a counsellor and one of the key qualities required is to not be judgemental, and you know what? I'm actually much happier and more content in my own life now that I've stopped. To me it tends to suggest that pro

It's a private rental..... Live the assumptions in this thread as someone else also mentioned!! Large family=council house=benefits!!!!!

...suggest that people need reassurance that they have made the right decisions in their life by expecting others to make the same decisions.

A1980- you are confusing the level of overcrowding which makes you legally homeless with the level which will get you more points on a waiting list or determine what size of house you will be allocated. DCs over 16 will be allocated 1 bedroom each and over 10s of different genders won't be allocated a house where they would have to share. Under 2s don't count at all because they are expected to share with parents.
But there is no law saying you have to be under these limits.

Confused I think that depends on the parents. My aunt and uncle have 6, and my cousins are extraordinarily well-adjusted and happy people. It probably doesn't hurt that the age range is 8 to 23 though! :)

I'd like five and will probably have at least 4. It's not what everyone wants to do, but it sounds good to me.

In our area, a lounge can't be used to sleep in if it has a gas appliance in it ( gas fire) or gas appliance in a room leading off it ( kitchen boiler)

Peoplesprincess... I think you have a parenting issue then, as I have 3 boys to a room but experience nothing at all like what you described

I doubt I have. I suspect my kids are just more interesting than yours.......

Interesting? In what way?

Hmm.

One one hand, as long as you have a happy loving family, I would say it doesn't matter. I grew up with oodles of space, my own room and loads of space, but was desperately unhappy, and had a grim time. My DP was one of 6 children in a 3 bedroom house, they were loving and his parents bent over backwards to make their children happy.

But...although DP had a wondertful time as a child (it really was a swallows and amazons childhood) it was a different story when they were older. There were barely 12-18 months between all 6 children, he has one sister who was in the box room, and all 5 boys were in one room. He hated the lack of space, he arguments, the lack of privacy, things getting nicked, the sheer lack of money and the monumental tension when 5 boys aged from 16 down to 10 had to share such a tiny space. He was also the eldest boy so had a lot of burden of babysitting and generally dogsbodying. He is still very close to his parents, but not so much with all his siblings. They simply grew to hate each other when they were teens, and think it is difficult to get over that. DP moved out when he was 16 simply to get his own space. DP and all his siblings have chosen to have very small families.

My best friend at school was the eldest of 5 and lived in a rather small flat. When we did O levels she was sharing a room with an eight year, a five year old and a three year old. On the days when she wasn't round at ours she did her homework in the car. With a torch, in winter. Now personally, I can't help feeling that's not ideal - although I agree it's not on par with starvation, or anything.

As the general feeling on this thread seems to be that the OP is being unreasonable, do people also agree that councils/housing associations should not take family size into account when housing tenants? (Question not related directly to the OP as her friends are in private rental).

Indeed lockets! Indeed! More time to be 'interesting' if they aren't wasting time 'misbehaving'

Yes obviously lockets. But if people are going to chuck silly and quite rude comments at me, then they can expect one back.

Rule No.1 of the internet.