To think that 3 kids, and planning a 4th, in a tiny 2 bedroomed house is a bit much?

[choccywoccydoohdah]

AIBU?

Someone I know had her third child 6 months ago; they live in a tiny house, literally a kitchen and living room downstairs, and 2 small bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The older 2 children share a bedroom and there is just enough room for a bunk bed and all their stuff, and the baby is still in with them, the cot is at the end of their bed and they cannot walk round past their bed past the cot, they have to climb over the bed to get out of the room.

Now they are planning baby #4 and have no intention of moving, as their rent is cheap but I honestly cannot see where they are going to fit baby #4. Their home is understandably cluttered on every surface with their stuff, got knows where another baby's stuff will go, let alone where it will sleep.

I'm not one for being adament every child should have its own room etc but I do think being crammed into a house like sardines isn't a good idea either. I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads.

I have 4 dc and a 2 bedroom house. It seems to bother other people far more than it does us
In my case, I feel we have very good lives. All the dc are loved and cared for, they have everything they need, are very generous and are all excellent at sharing.
If you take a wider look at the world, I think siblings sharing a room is normal, whole families sharing rooms is normal.
There are far, far worse things you can do to children, expecting them to share space is hardly the crime that some think it is.

On a practical level, we have to keep the house fairly tidy or we get swamped with stuff. We don't have sleepovers (which is a plus point surely?)

if we're making huge generalisations here

i often find that families who have smaller living space will find more to do outside, therefore get more fresh air than others

YABU, you are judging. For all you know the parents may decide to put a blow up bed in the living room for them and let the younger two have their room. If that's what they want to do and the kids are well looked after then that's fine. Stop being a snob. Close living may give them a stronger bond as a family and teaches the kids from a young age how to cope with other people.

I'd choose a baby over a dining table.

Its none of your business.

Really. I don't understand how anyone can have spave in their heads to judge other peoples' living arrangements.

Don't judge.

But there comes a point where that baby is going to need to sit at a table and eat, whilst learning good table manners.

But why is judging so bad? It's made out to be a heinous crime on here, but is it really, truly that bad? Of course we are going to judge people by our own standards. Can anyone on here genuinely say they never judge/make a judgement about anyone/anything?

Because judging = disapproving and sneering

Being curious = interested

I don't think I've sneered at all on this thread, valiumred. However, I do disapprove of their plans, I can't pretend that I don't.

my 3 girls will be sharing a room when dd3 is old enough to go into her sisters room

I didn't say YOU sneered, you asked what was so wrong about judging.

Well at least it's not just a metaphorical kitchen and living room they have - that really would be terrible.

It's great that you have such a high opinion of yourself choccy that you think your disapproval means anything.

It wouldn't be for me, I grew up in a cramped, cluttered house and now I love my space . And i want my two boys to have space and lots of time from me. But to be honest, I quite admire people who are able to be a bit more relaxed about it, like the people you describe OP. And frankly, we can't judge what is best for their children - some thrive on being part of larger families, others will crave privacy, even within the same families, iyswim.

My mother judges me for having children seeing that we live in the south of England where people live in small 3 bed semis with living rooms too small to have large family gatherings in, where there is no instant access to woods and fields for children to roam in, where the streets are not safe for playing in and where the sea is not clean enough to swim in: from her Swedish perspective, this is depriving children of everything that childhood means.

Does that make us all feel guilty? And yet from her pov she is right. Perspective is a wonderful thing.

Poor kids. Where will they go for some quiet time, to do homework etc.
Selfish, uneducated parents

Santas - yes, that certainly applies to us

We can't fit in a permanent dining table, so we have an old trestle table that fits behind the settee. Sometimes we eat together sitting on the settee, sometimes we get the table out.
We have quite a make do and mend lifestyle, we welcome any hand me downs, and use charity shops and eBay.
We also have a small field where we keep chickens and ducks.
Our dc never go hungry, they never go naked. They are not deprived in any way.
I think we have a fantastic life.

As a child I shared a room with my 3 siblings. It was crowded, and we had one drawer each for our clothes. I don't have a problem with it at all. As we got older things improved for my parents and we moved to a bigger house, but I still shared a bedroom with my younger sister until I left home.

My husband also lived in similar conditions. He seems okay too.

We have had a family of our own - five children - and we have a large house, but for a time our daughters shared a room. No one seems scarred by the experience.

Honestly, I think the welfare of children isn't dependent on how many bedrooms in the house, nor whether you share it with your siblings. Is your concern over the health and well being of the children? Or is it a type of snobbery?

I think you are BU.

someone i know lives in a 3 bed house and has got 10 children and want number 11 soon

eldest child is 17 and they all just get on with it

This would be my idea of hell! We have 2 DC in a tiny 2 bed house and that's bad enough! Having said that, my grandparents 3 DC while living in a 1 bedroom flat, the difference was they had alot less stuff so although it was cramped it wasn't cluttered, according to my gran.

I think they are on a council/HA housing list but have been told they are very low priority as they have a roof over their heads

I think it is fine if they are having the children because they want to, and can afford them. If they are doing it simply to get a bigger house, then its not right.

I dont see why anyone should be given bigger houses simply because they keep increasing the size of their family.

Judging is wrong, yes.

One of my aims in life is to not judge, for many reasons, probably the most important one being that that it does me no good at all- that feeling of superiority is fleeting and not built on anything I've done.

Its an unempowering and unhelpful way of thinking.

YANBU... Overcrowded accommodation is a recognised social problem. Councils have rules on how many people can occupy a particular sized house because it's understood that overcrowded accommodation leads to health problems and other issues. It may have gone on in the past and there may be people who have happily survived sleeping five to a bed and gone on to great things but it does seem a little short-sighted to add another baby to an already overcrowded house. If they're also poor it seems unfair to add to the child poverty statistics.

The only part i find annoying is the fact the tax payer has to pay as usual... What are these four children going to grow up thinking? More kids = more benefits/bigger council house? Hardly a positive message.