to feel just a tiny bit of sympathy for some of these blokes?

[extremepie]

I was reading a magazine the other day which had an article where one of the writers had gone on to a 'dating' site and asked for a 'date' to her work Christmas party.

She got lots of responses, most of which from married or attached men - 12 of these were featured in the article alongside the mens' names and pictures (although these could have been false), along with the response they wrote.

Now, some of the guys sounded like complete a*holes, with messages along the lines of 'my wife is really boring in bed' and 'I want some excitement' or 'I don't get it often enough - obviously this is not on.
Some of the other guys, however, I felt just a little bit sorry for.

One was 30, and his wife had had their son over a year before and they had not had sex since. He also said he was not interested in leaving his wife but just wanted someone to pay attention to him.

Another was in his 50's and said he and his wife had not been intimate in years.

Basically I just felt a little bit bad for these men - ok some people don't have matching sex drives and especially after having a baby you might be tired and have less time on your hands but to completely deny your partner any sort of attention or intimacy is a bit unfair?

Shouldn't there be some form of compromise in a committed relationship rather than 'well I don't feel like it and its just tough if you do, it's not happening'?

It's not just the sex it's everything that goes with it!

AIBU to think that these mens' actions, while definately not to be condoned, is at least understandable given the lack of attention and intimacy they get at home?

Nope, don't feel sorry for them in the slightest. Cheating is cheating, no matter what the reason. If you're not happy in a relationship you can talk to your partner about it. If they're not willing to change things then you have to think about whether you want to be in that relationship any more. If you don't you split up and then start shagging someone else. You don't say "Oh poor me I need sex" and go and bang someone behind you partner's back. That's just a shitty nasty thing to do and any woman who'd willingly be a wanksock for some massive dick is a mug who deserves to be used.

IMO.

NOPE NOPE NOPE. Twunts the lot of em.

Close one door before opening another.

Nope, no sympathy from me.

I agree with Cailin.

If you don't like a situation you find yourself in, you get yourself out of that situation or you talk to your partner to try to solve it. If after lots of tlaking and compromise etc the reltionship still isn't right for one side then you leave the relationship, not cheat.

If anything, I feel less sorry for them than for the out-and-out wankers. At least the 'I want some excitement' types are being honest. Going for the sympathy vote while cheating on your partner is pretty fucking low.

Absolutely agree, not being happy with the way for things are in your relationship is not an excuse for cheating.

Far better to try and talk to your partner and sort any problems you have our instead of going to someone else behind their back.

I would still be massively angry at my DH for doing that, whatever the reason.

YABU

YABU. No excuse for cheating. By all means bring up grievances so at least the other person has a chance to do something about it but never an excuse for cheating. Nasty nasty.

YABU. They're deceitful bastards.

YABU - No excuse for sleeping with someone else.

Why the fuck would you feel sorry for some unfaithful wankers?

Save your sympathy for the poor wives.

YABU. And what sort of compromise is there if you don't want to have se]x but your partner does, lie back and think of England?

YABU. I also read that article, they have done similar in the past, and the only sadness I felt was for the poor wives at home who did not have a clue what a nasty piece of crap they were married to!

And remember, the things that they said are not necessarily things that are true. The classic "my wife doesn't understand me" bollocks.

YABU to give any credit to an article like this but YANBU to fel sorry for men that get none at home.

I don't think there is a good excuse for cheating, but I don't think there is a good excuse for denyong your husband or wife sexual contact either. If you know you are never going to want to be intimate in that way, you should own up to it, and tell your partner that as long as they practice safe sex, they can get it elsewhere.

We were designed t want to have sex, and if one partner doesn't ever want sex, they are being very selfish to expect their partner to go without too. If I decided I only wanted to eat roast sinners for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be able to fairly expect my dh to never eat anything else. This is exactly the same imo.

"Roast sinners".

I say YABU - but I sort of understand your ".. a tiny bit of sympathy .."

Most men are not very good awful at discussing feelings and relationships.

It's all bollocks.

The last time I made love to my (Ex) husband and we said 'I love you' to each other was the day before he left me and out two young children for another woman.

I bet he told everyone that I was a frigid nightmare.

YABU

1. They should talk to their partners
2. Men notoriously lie about their sex lives at home in order to get sympathy shags / justify what they are doing

Well women probably lie about it too! But this is about men.

I like the sound of roast sinners! Best typo I've ever made!

More seriously, they need to have their todgers passed through a trouser press...

ARF at roast sinners!!

(you do know cannibalism is illegal, even if they are filthy sinners, don't you?)