to be upset with wedding and wondering if friendship has future.

[IHeartKittensAndWine]

Lifelong friend (school and university and beyond) to whom I have always been close and trusted (and I find it difficult to trust people) is getting married just before Christmas. When she set the date of the wedding DH and I changed the date of our flight for our Xmas holiday to make it (he is good buddies, but not as close to her husband to be).

I received the invitation a few days ago. She has invited us to the church bit and the mince pies and mulled wine bit directly after, which is given an hours slot on the invite. We have not been invited to the reception proper - I know this because a) I helped her choose the venue (as in I recommended it and she invited me on scouting trip up) and b) she put a handwritten note on the bottom of the invite - so sorry we can't include you due to numbers darlings but we wanted to give you an experience of a wedding in XXX beautiful English town anyway.

I have since discovered that every mutual friend is going to the reception. But what really grates that fucking note at the end of the invite. I know that city like the back of my hand and I don't need or desire the experience of a snowy wedding there because ... I've been to half a dozen weddings there which she has also been to BECAUSE IT WAS OUR UNIVERSITY TOWN. I wanted to celebrate her happy day with her and our other friends, not be treated like some needs to be accommodated gawper.

I feel patronised and humiliated. I can't tell if this is my depression talking. DH says I should give her a call and say, calmly, that it is patronising and we won't be going.

Yes, take a deep breath, and deal with this in the morning when you can look at it clearly. But honestly, she's the one who should be feeling miserable right now, not you.

I hope her husband and his boss will be very happy together. Maybe you should send the wedding gift to them? (JOKE) (sort of)

I dont have personal experience of depression but i was about to say what boojum just said. In that it took guts to make that phone call and if you are also feeling shy and depressed at the mo then it took guts x1000 so well done.

Get pissed and have a good bubble, then send the round robin email tomorrow, all you need to say is that you dont need a hotel as you arent invited to the whole thing, and will be doing your own thing re shitty-cheap-card the present

I bet I'm not the only one really really hoping that the rude and weird bridezilla reads this thread and recognises herself and what a total bitch she's been.

wildfig, that made me

..and book all the rooms at her venue under Mrs Smith

May a plague of locusts descend on the wedding breakfast.

Or a plague of frogs.

op, i too think you were really brave to ring her and confront her.

it doesn't matter how you came over in the phone call, even if you said 'oh right i understand', i expect you were behaving dignified and there was an big 'omg' of shock in your mind too. It serves you well actually to not have a big ding dong with her, becuase she isn't worth the effort.

take any hurt you have, and throw it out of your life. you can't control people like that but you can be nice to yourself! xx

I bet his boss is mortified thinking "Wtf, why are these people inviting me to their wedding???" and the wife is thinking "oh shit, another wedding, and we will have to fork out for gift, and babysitters, just because some menial employee of my dh wants to impress. yawn"

Drop her. She is breath-takingly shallow.

You poor thing - there's no way this isn't going to suck hard and - with depression - you're going to be in danger of thinking this is somehow your fault, that you're not likeable or don't have any real friends. Watch your head and don't give in to thoughts like that - this is an opportunity to reassess an old friendship, realise it's not good for you any more and make space in your life for people who will make you happy.

What a megabitch!

well, on the bright side, I think that might be one of the worst phone calls imaginable and I'm still alive! I can tell my therapist that I am busy confronting difficult situations.

And then having a bottle of wine (to myself) afterwards.

Where's a packet of gags emoticom when you need one?

Well done on that!

extremely mumsnetly hugs to you.

www.foreverfriendsonline.com/subcategory.aspx?CID=17&SCID=271

If you do get her a wedding present, get her this or similar. Though a bargain card would suffice in circs if you ask me.

OP: Send her this link.

And tell her NEVER TO DARKEN OUR DOOR in the years to come.

Because we are on YOUR SIDE.

She is a terrible Counter Hon.

Now, what you need to be prepared for is for her A listers to not accept the invitation and her to come back to you with her begging bowl. "Seems DH's senior partner couldn't make it knows that my fiance is shagging his secretary and is too embarrassed to attend and there is space for you."

Say no.

That would be fags ..... Obviously

Shit - sorry, didn't think through the connotations of forever friends - just thought was appropriately ghastly. Sorry if seemed like was taking piss out of you - am not. Out of her - yes.

Diamondback, thank you. And thank all of you. My internal voice is saying the usual, well what do you expect, you're so crap and unlikeable stuff. But on the positive

1. I have one fewer false friend
2. There are people more crap and unlikeable than me out there. Namely her.
3. I didnt hurl abuse or do anything bad. I just hung up. So I can't be that crap.

I would compose a nice reply to the round robin explaining that l would not be contributing to wedding gift or need a room as we had not been invited to the wedding reception due to my apparent unease in company. I would of course include the bride in the round robin reply, nil else needs said. sometimes less said is better.

Show her up to her friends as the bitch that she so clearly is.

I feel for you OP; if anything good comes out of this I hope it is that you realise this woman is not your friend. It would be no loss for you to never see her again.

You are far from crap Kittens. She is the epitome of crap and you have to agree you'd have a long way to go before you could stoop to her level!

What a complete and utter bitch she is.
[hugs] and well done you for calling.
Agree that you should just send a very bland reply to the round robin, but leave it until tomorrow when wine isn't involved.
Take the higher ground and politely decline the invitation then go and have a fab time with your DH.
Just think that you're miles better off without someone that shallow in your life x

I would feel rubbish as well, but thinking about it logically-she obviously wasn't a good friend and you are much much better off without her. Looking back-have you seen her use/drop friends before?

I hope she doesn't sleep well tonight-what a bitch.

Aha, pooka I get it now

Now to change our flights back (if we can) so that we can join my parents a few days earlier in a beautiful flat by a lovely beach in a warm part of the world. Focusing on the positive!