to be upset with wedding and wondering if friendship has future.

[IHeartKittensAndWine]

Lifelong friend (school and university and beyond) to whom I have always been close and trusted (and I find it difficult to trust people) is getting married just before Christmas. When she set the date of the wedding DH and I changed the date of our flight for our Xmas holiday to make it (he is good buddies, but not as close to her husband to be).

I received the invitation a few days ago. She has invited us to the church bit and the mince pies and mulled wine bit directly after, which is given an hours slot on the invite. We have not been invited to the reception proper - I know this because a) I helped her choose the venue (as in I recommended it and she invited me on scouting trip up) and b) she put a handwritten note on the bottom of the invite - so sorry we can't include you due to numbers darlings but we wanted to give you an experience of a wedding in XXX beautiful English town anyway.

I have since discovered that every mutual friend is going to the reception. But what really grates that fucking note at the end of the invite. I know that city like the back of my hand and I don't need or desire the experience of a snowy wedding there because ... I've been to half a dozen weddings there which she has also been to BECAUSE IT WAS OUR UNIVERSITY TOWN. I wanted to celebrate her happy day with her and our other friends, not be treated like some needs to be accommodated gawper.

I feel patronised and humiliated. I can't tell if this is my depression talking. DH says I should give her a call and say, calmly, that it is patronising and we won't be going.

You sound very likeable and far nicer than she is, btw.

Pllllllleeeeeeaaaassseee reply to the round robin email.
Your mutual friends need to know how this bitch has treated you. They don't need to know the reasons.

You might find you aren't the only one who has been relegated 'not good enough'. Whoever sent the initial email might just have assumed everyone else was going (they assumed you were).

It is really hurtful, especially as you confided in her. She should know better, and she should have been a better friend. I really don't think this reflects on you, but on her, and it is her who should feel the humiliation, not you. I imagine you feel a bit like a rug has been pulled out from under you, so I hope your DH is being lovely and supportive.

I hope you can see how unfair she is being, though, from the unanimous anger on your behalf on here.

She is a terrible <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=chavvy+woman&hl=en&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=khAXPGIwxPYi6M:&imgrefurl=coronationstreet.wikia.com/wiki/Chavvy_mum_(Episode_6896)&docid=9B6VNryTE2rP0M&imgurl=images.wikia.com/coronationstreet/images/4/4a/Chavvy_mum_(Episode_6896).jpg&w=228&h=274&ei=burCTvKDDIiG8gOT3t3_Cg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=318&sig=100917297802735748290&page=1&tbnh=116&tbnw=100&start=0&ndsp=78&ved=1t:429,r:34,s:0&tx=56&ty=105&biw=1920&bih=979" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">person

loved that picture!

This is not YOU.

There are hundreds of strangers now wishing her mulled wine will be rancid and her mince pies taste like sweaty bum- it's definitely NOT YOU

I hope that the wedding breakfast gives the senior partner severe shits; so that the groom is repeatedly passed over for promotion.

Well done for calling her. You handled it really well.

Now, decline that invite. Change your tickets, and BREATHE!

You've done exactly the right thing, both in suspecting her in the first place (that takes brains, you see) and in responding to it (that takes guts). Well done.

Thank you guys. I am getting off line now as I don't think being drunk in possession of the internet is a good idea! I am really very grateful for all your support.

..and book all the rooms at her venue under Mrs Smith

Love it

MN - can we have a 'like' button please?

I think you should reply to the round Robin - tomorrow, when the shock has abated (a bit). You don't want more of them arriving. Don't mention the "unease": that's just her silly spouting and onething that is coming over loud and clear from this thread is that she's the one with dodgy judgement, not you.

Just stick to the basic facts - they'll join the dots. Say nothing negative about her at all; you don't need to.

And I hope you can reinstate your original flight dates. Have a wonderful holiday.

X posted again - you guys type soooo fast!

Hope you can rebook your flights and get that extra couple of days holiday - sounds very lovely. See - you are being positive and proactive, so you aren't crap at all. I would never have dared make that phone call, by the way, very brave. Well done you.

You are most definitely NOT crap, you have dealt with this in a very dignified manner and she is a grade A bitch!

Oh.My.God, OP! Your so called friend is a total idiot-horrible-person! She thinks YOU have social issues??

I am sending you a virtual kitten to stroke, whilst trying out a bit of distance voodoo on bridezilla

She's not worth it, and now, when you've got over the hurt, you can laugh, with the new friends you make when you feel better, about what an arse you accidentally once made friends with.

good grief, Kittens, having read your OP I was convinced it was a horrible mix-up and you'd got the wrong invite. Can't believe a close friend you've known since university has treated so abominably. What an utter bitch.

But remember, you have taken control here. You have behaved with dignity, while she has shown herself up for the shallow cow that she is.

Make sure you do something nice instead - see if you can change your holiday again, or if not, plan a day out, go to the theatre or something that means you have to pay attention. Oh, and do reply to the group - let them know why you won't be there, I'm sure many of them will think it's a bit shit.

A good friend once did something similar to me but it was a house warming not a wedding. I remember the feeling of hurt and rejection. But it said more about her shallowness than anything else. She will have justified it to herself as doing you a favour and will say "ooh, let's catch up when we can really talk." to try and make you feel special again. But really she is the one to be pitied as she will loose any good and true friends eventually.

Hope you can change your flights.

(I mean many people will think her behaviour is shitty, sorry, ambiguous line there.)

How thoughtless and insensitive.

Next time you go to for a poo, say goodbye "crap" friend and flush her out of your life!

OP this is one of if not THE worst case of wedding horror behaviour I've ever read on here.

I can't believe how brave you were to call her, and handle it with such dignity. Even if she IS a massive bitch, I suspect she's now going to be feeling pretty grim about the situation - and serves her right.

Continue to consider your reactions carefully, Don't give her any reason to feel justified in her disgusting behaviour.

OP, just wanted to add my congrats on handling it all so brilliantly and so obviously being the better person here. She's lost a great friend, you've lost a bitch out of your life. You win in the long run.

Chin up xx