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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset with wedding and wondering if friendship has future.

671 replies

IHeartKittensAndWine · 15/11/2011 21:36

Lifelong friend (school and university and beyond) to whom I have always been close and trusted (and I find it difficult to trust people) is getting married just before Christmas. When she set the date of the wedding DH and I changed the date of our flight for our Xmas holiday to make it (he is good buddies, but not as close to her husband to be).

I received the invitation a few days ago. She has invited us to the church bit and the mince pies and mulled wine bit directly after, which is given an hours slot on the invite. We have not been invited to the reception proper - I know this because a) I helped her choose the venue (as in I recommended it and she invited me on scouting trip up) and b) she put a handwritten note on the bottom of the invite - so sorry we can't include you due to numbers darlings but we wanted to give you an experience of a wedding in XXX beautiful English town anyway.

I have since discovered that every mutual friend is going to the reception. But what really grates that fucking note at the end of the invite. I know that city like the back of my hand and I don't need or desire the experience of a snowy wedding there because ... I've been to half a dozen weddings there which she has also been to BECAUSE IT WAS OUR UNIVERSITY TOWN. I wanted to celebrate her happy day with her and our other friends, not be treated like some needs to be accommodated gawper.

I feel patronised and humiliated. I can't tell if this is my depression talking. DH says I should give her a call and say, calmly, that it is patronising and we won't be going.

OP posts:
Lucyinthepie · 21/11/2011 14:29

KKK, it might be worth glancing back over the thread. Wink

verlainechasedrimbauds · 21/11/2011 14:51

Grin at bridesmaid gorilla.

I'm not intending to marry again, but if I were, that would be an interesting choice of outfit. Grin

higgle · 21/11/2011 15:44

I've experienced this sort of thing too. My best friend from school, who I kept closely in touch with and often visited told me all about her wedding preparations from day 1. The dress, the marquee, her parents going to France to buy the wine etc. etc. She was the last of my circle to get married and I was really looking forward to it. She then rang me to say as her H to be suffered from epilepsy and couldn't stand large crowds I wouldn't be getting an invite ( what about the other 100+ then? ) Karma came into play rather quickly in that case, her H to be fell off his bike and in his recovery from a painful injury was difficult to live with, so she called the whole thing off. (She still holds a torch for him and is single 25 years on). I was well aware that she and her parents wanted all the local "important people" there. We remain friends, but the closeness was spoilt. Maybe it is easier for me because she sort of got her just deserts. I still wonder what she did with the dress, probably in the attic.

SoonToBeMummyToAPrince · 21/11/2011 16:05

Karma came into play rather quickly in that case, her H to be fell off his bike and in his recovery from a painful injury was difficult to live with, so she called the whole thing off

You sound lovely higgle!

knockkneedandknackered · 22/11/2011 08:38

i meant bridezillaGrin

MarthasHarbour · 22/11/2011 09:47

soontobemummy i was a bit Hmm too at higgles 'karma' at the DH being seriously injured Hmm Shock

(fair enough re the other thread, i just thought it was too obvious!)

chipmonkey · 22/11/2011 10:20

OMG, higgle! A missed invite vs what sounds like a very bad and life-changing accident!Shock If that's karma, it's hardly fair, is it?

ExitPursuedByaBear · 22/11/2011 11:15

Wow Higgle. What Chipmonkey said ^^

Conundrumish · 22/11/2011 12:46

That sounds like Karma-plus to me. Shalln't be crossing you Higgle!!

empirestateofmind · 22/11/2011 13:17

higgle - that's awful Sad

higgle · 22/11/2011 19:29

No, the Karma was not for the DH to be, he just fell off his bike and was a bit grumpy, could happen to anyone. Karma was for my friend not putting up with his grumpiness and dumping him, then regretting it for a long time! I suppose they would not have been happy anyway as she really rather fell at the first hurdle of "in sickness and in health" so I suppose he must have earned some good Karma somewhere and had a lucky escape.

ViviPru · 22/11/2011 19:31

Don't worry - that's how I read it higgle

Casserole · 22/11/2011 21:01

Kittens I have read this thread with my mouth hanging open.

She has behaved appallingly. I am so sorry that someone who cared about has treated you like this.

Please know this: you have done nothing wrong here, you are NOT to blame, and you have responded with strength, dignity and integrity. I am honestly so impressed by how you've handled it.

vincettenoir · 22/11/2011 22:20

I sympathise. Sounds like she doesn't appreciate your friendship as much as you would expect. I would be hurt too. I hope you manage to move on whether that means staying friends or not. I don't know whether you want to talk to het about it or not. But if you decide to - I would do it sooner rather than later. It wouldn't be the best thing for either of you to bring it up just before wedding / Christmas.

vincettenoir · 22/11/2011 22:33

There was a poem and a prayer in the invite. Fuck me! That is such cheesy bad taste and does not bode well for the wedding. I don't think your missing out on the event of the season at least

CEDR · 23/11/2011 14:32

I don't think that you're being unreasonable BUT- we had a kindof friend who we didn't invite to our wedding because we didn't really feel like we knew him very well. He got really upset and saids lots of really awful things, spread rumours etc about us. Somehow he'd totally seen our friendship as something much more than me and my husband had.... so there might be s perspective issue?

camilla2010 · 23/11/2011 16:49

I think you should print all these pages out and send them to her (not really - but would be funny if you did)

perfectshadeofgrey · 23/11/2011 19:36

I've been following this thread and I would really like to know what bride's reply was to OP's email because I'm nosy I'm concerned about OP.

ContraryMartha · 03/12/2011 11:53

How are you going Kittens?
I have read the whole thread and am shocked by the insensitivity and unkindness.
X

LePruneDeMaTante · 04/12/2011 11:23

Also wondering how this panned out....

dutchyoriginal · 05/01/2012 08:20

Kittens, did you enjoy your longer vacation in the end? Hope the "friend" didn't cause any more trouble after your email.

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