to find it UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE how many women think they are in charge of 'their' men?

[AbbyAbsinthe]

This isn't a thread about a thread. It's common in a lot of threads - but I was reading the MIL/New York thread and am absolutely astounded by how many women think that they have the final say in these matters.

'He wouldn't be going if he was my DH'
'I'd find and destroy his passport'

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Who do you think you are? Why does being in a relationship mean that you can or cannot dictate to your partner how they live their life?

It's like the whole... Train Your Man school of thought - as if they're like dogs who have to be taught who's boss

Do you really want a man that allows himself to be dominated and henpecked like that?

WELL DO YOU???

Discuss

I would be angry as well if my DP left a woman alone late at night and waiting for a taxi.

LeQueen - I agree. For example I twice went away for a weekend myself when the DCs were small. I suggested to DP I did this, who was happy for this to happen. In some ways it was selfish - but it was also fabulous.

But I remember a thread here before when someone was suggesting doing this overnight - not 3 nights like I did! - and some posters were horrified that she was going to be so selfish.

Didn't see the original thread

So it was a DH who came home and said he had booked to go away with his family (mum etc) in america (expensive) and not discussed it with his DW first?

And she was pissed off?

And this thread is to say what's her problem?

You see I would be, well, extremely surprised, if DH came home and said he had spent a lot of money to go on a holiday without us and I would have to stay at home and look after the kids and there was to be no discussion.

I would be surprised because he just wouldn't do it! And nor would I. What's strange about talking about this stuff first?

And leQueen, we can both be selfless so that the other gets to be happy or have a good time.

How do people organise their time off work when their OH decides they are going away at short notice?

Thinking of my situation there! It wouldn't work at all.

Also, I don't get this idea that you are STUCK with the children. I actually really like being with my kiddywinks, as does Mr S. If he goes out and I am at home (or vice versa) it doesn't mean that one of us is dodging the crap jobs. We are just doing different stuff.

Sardine, it's up to DP to organise. So if I am out or working, he'll have to find a sitter, call his mum or brother or something like that.

Hully - small cupboard? He doesn't know he's born!

Oh well I think I'm just not right for this thread.

If DH came home and said he had booked to go away for a week and that he had hired someone to cover the childcare while I worked I would be gobsmacked. I would expect to discuss something like that first and if he presented me with a fait accompli I would be very surprised. It would be just totally out of character. We always discuss first to check what's on the calendar etc.

SQ on that thread (bearing in mind this isn't a thread about a thread ) the OP's dh (or dw - you need to read it) had been invited away with their parents and their sibling. The parents were paying and the trip was four months away.

I wonder if some of the control-fuckery is actually a form of bravado; whether some partners overstate the degree to which they put their foot down because it's seen as making them assertive, or they're worried that people with think they're downtrodden. I've certainly seen it with younger men - "under the thumb" being a popular insult in some circles.

ps my posts are even less coherent than usual today sorry because I was out screaming at rock bands last night.

SQ Of course two adults should confer, arrange and discuss, it would all fall apart pretty quickly otherwise.

I mean the trip wouldn't be happening for another four months, not that they'd be going away for four months. Rock has scrambled my brain

I would also add, compiling a long wish list of lovely gifts to bring back for his wife.

I thought the problem was that he told her he was going, rather than asking her IYSWIM.

If my DH went away for a week I would definitely be doing him a favour, as (despite the views of some on this thread) I do find looking after 2 under 5s hard work and pretty dull So I would expect him to talk about it rather than just announce it as a done deal.

Maybe I got the wrong end of teh stick about what the other thread was about. Not that this thread is about it anyway. Or something

BTW I am terribly bored with my work, hence my tedious and irrelevant contributions to this thread...

LauraShigihara, apart from myself, you are the only person I have ever seen on this site who has ever said anything like this:

Also, I don't get this idea that you are STUCK with the children. I actually really like being with my kiddywinks, as does Mr S. If he goes out and I am at home (or vice versa) it doesn't mean that one of us is dodging the crap jobs. We are just doing different stuff.

I agree with the OP. The only time DP and I ever have words about him deciding to go somewhere without me (and that is all they are -- we certainly don't fight about it) is when he presumes that I'll just know, by some kind of fucking magical psychic powers, that he has planned to do [whatever] on [whenever]. I don't care where he goes, or with whom, but I do get a tiny bit peeved when I accidentally find out via FB that his friend has booked tickets for them to go and see a band, and he hasn't said a word to me. It irritates me because he does this often, and leaves it so late to tell me that it's too late for me to plan to go out/do something else on that night too. Useless!

But there is no way I'd have him asking me for permission to go somewhere. Indeed, if he ever even makes it sound like he's asking my permission, he gets a bit of a bollocking :o

wow, i asked dp if he gave a girl leaving the office a goodbye snog (running jokes she wears low tops and fishnets, i'm not really judging her, just having a laugh, i wear low tops and fishnets also ;) ) the other day, i am so far removed from all this it is unreal

i ask dp 'permission' to go away overnight if i leave him with dc's (they aren't his so maybe a bit different' i inform him in advance of stuff i have arranged if dc's are with their father and doesn't directly affect him (although also normally ask before if we have anything planned for the date as i have the brain capacity of a gnat) if he had any opposing view we discuss it.

similarly if he wants to go away he 'asks' if it means leaving me alone with dc's just to check i have no objections.

He does say to mates he needs permission to do stuff, he doesn't i just laugh at him when he says it :D

Toby/Laura I'd been thinking recently that ds (11) and I haven't had any days out/weekends alone together recently. I love going on road trips, just me and him, sometimes.

I'll make an excellent MIL

Having said that nobody would bat an eyelid (not that anyone has) if ds was a dd and we were spending out time doing whatever it is constitutes mother/daughter bonding.

My sister thinks I'm "crazy" for not letting her "take the children off [my] hands" sometimes at the weekends.

Says a lot about how she sees her own DC really, IMO.