to find it UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE how many women think they are in charge of 'their' men?

[AbbyAbsinthe]

This isn't a thread about a thread. It's common in a lot of threads - but I was reading the MIL/New York thread and am absolutely astounded by how many women think that they have the final say in these matters.

'He wouldn't be going if he was my DH'
'I'd find and destroy his passport'

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Who do you think you are? Why does being in a relationship mean that you can or cannot dictate to your partner how they live their life?

It's like the whole... Train Your Man school of thought - as if they're like dogs who have to be taught who's boss

Do you really want a man that allows himself to be dominated and henpecked like that?

WELL DO YOU???

Discuss

I honestly don't know, and I was rather shocked and irritated that I had to, to be honest!

No oldlady they don't.
They may wish to discuss it but they CAN'T refuse a tubal ligation to either a man or a woman simply because their partner hasn't consented.
A doctor that does this should be reported to the GMC.

At best it's breaching confidentiality, at worse it's witholding treatment.

They do not have to have the wife's consent to go ahead with the procedure. and if they told you they did, they lied.

This I know for a fact.

I am about to have a tubal ligation, my DH did not have to consent.
My doctor and consultant did not ask for his consent; the latter of these simply asked if I had discussed it with him.

Lying is possible, I suppose, maybe if I'd refused to sign the form they'd have done it anyway. But I was in a bit of a rush and couldn't be arsed having the argument.

Haven't read the thread but I imagine it's about the way it's done.

I am going away for the weekend soon with friends. When I was initially asked I checked with dh. He said, of course I should go and enjoy myself. I didn't announce I was going. I knew he would encourage me to go because he loves me.

It's only a weekend and it won't cost megabucks (hopefully).

If dh came home and checked with me about a week in NY with his Mum, well... Actually, he wouldn't want to spend that kind of money or want to be away from us for so long so no point speculating.

A weekend away I would be fine with.

I'd hope that in a marriage, either party would have the decency to consult with the other if they wished to do something that if going to have a major impact - this would include going on holiday leaving one partner with the DCs, making a large purchase or even actually letting their partner know they were going down the pub all night on an evening when they would normally be around and helping with the running of things.

DH and I certainly consult each other. I'm usually the one who is away overnight - it comes as part of my job - but when we are polled as a team for dates that would suit, I always take DH's workload into account and do not pick as suitable days that would make things hard for him. It's simple courtesy.

As a logical consequence of the above opinion, I wouldn't think much of a partner, whether male or female, who was not thoughtful enough to consult and communicate. I wouldn't be advising them to 'destroy his passport' or 'divorce her', but I would tell the OP that actually they were entitled to feel resentful and needed to have a serious conversation with their OH.

I'm with you, OP. DH and I discuss things. Like adults. We both do things we'd rather not do, or don't do things we'd like to do, for the sake of the other person in the relationship and our DS. We're equals. It seems to work quite well.

Perhaps, however, if you're in the sort of relationship where you don't discuss things, then knee jerk reactions like 'burn his passport' are par for the course. Because there is no alternative.

Op-I was the one who said that if my dh came home and announced he was going on hols with mil that I would hide/destroy his passport-and I would! I am clearly a nasty,harridan though

Ok, there are now three threads on this MIL's 60th birthday.

I don't give a chuff about it.

Stop starting threads and fuck off and talk about it on the original one.

PLEASE.

Or I might have to start an AIBU about people who drag their opinions all over MN when they could be keeping them where I don't have to see them.

That's all.

And what do you think he would think of you for doing that, pink4ever?

Why do you feel so strongly that he shouldn't go away without you? If you can afford it (the MIL was paying, wasn't she).... what's the genuine reason?

I'm serious, btw - I really don't understand. If I was forbidden to do something like that, I would never see my partner in quite the same light again.

It's not just about that thread, Bumble. It's a general attitude, one that's here every day.

Start whatever thread you like, I believe that's the general idea. I would hide it if it offended me as much as this one is clearly offending you

There was an advert in the last couple of years - that oven cleaning bag thingy, don't know what it's called. The line at the end was - 'so simple, even a man can do it'.

Is that acceptable? Would it be acceptable if it was about a woman?

I'm with you too OP.

I was taken aback and appalled by a good few claims on that thread. Had those gems of entitled control come from men, that thread would have been very different indeed.

It doesn't offend me.

It's just irritating when some egostist decides they won't get heard on a big thread so starts a new one to make their opinion centre stage.

That is all.

Any thread started by anyone is "to make their opinion centre stage", surely?

It's a discussion.

Hide it if you don't like it

That is all.

Unbefuckinglievable.

Do adults say stuff like this?

Not necessarily, Abby.

Some people start threads in AIBU to genuinely ask what other people think about something.

Not to shout their opinion at people.

Granted, not enough AIBU's start out with that intention That's the egotism in action, y'see

Definitely a thread about a thread.
Why didn't you just post on the other one where there were loads of people that agreed with you?

Emphasis is allowed, isn't it? Passionate opinion? Or do you have in mind that I'm sitting here with steam coming out of my ears and an actual gavel on the settee next to me?

To be fair to Pink4Ever she did express that she had been at the mercy of a domineering mil for many years.
She may well have good reasons for feeling as strongly as she does....not that that would make it ok for her to burn her dh's passport of course....but I don't think she really would. It just represents her stance regarding her own situation.

And bumblebadass - the OP can start a thread about this subject if she likes actually. It's a fair dinkum discussion topic.

Oh good lord. It's not just about that thread, LadyBeagle. I've said so many times already.

It's about people that actually believe they're in charge of another adult. As if they are their parent, and are entitled to forbid all kinds of weird stuff.

It's the opposite here ,and it drives me nuts - I don't mind what dh does (within legal limits etc ), all he has to do is let me know his plans so I don't assume he's missing/can collect kids from school when he cant etc. But whenever he has something on, he's all submissive and says he wants to ask so he 'doesn't get shouted at ' or 'doesn't get into trouble' I've never set any such precedent, so he has no reason to say such things, and it makes me feel like a real witch when I'm not. and actually makes me feel like he is my third child