to find it UNBEFUCKINGLIEVABLE how many women think they are in charge of 'their' men?

[AbbyAbsinthe]

This isn't a thread about a thread. It's common in a lot of threads - but I was reading the MIL/New York thread and am absolutely astounded by how many women think that they have the final say in these matters.

'He wouldn't be going if he was my DH'
'I'd find and destroy his passport'

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Who do you think you are? Why does being in a relationship mean that you can or cannot dictate to your partner how they live their life?

It's like the whole... Train Your Man school of thought - as if they're like dogs who have to be taught who's boss

Do you really want a man that allows himself to be dominated and henpecked like that?

WELL DO YOU???

Discuss

It seems odd to me that you can't do things separately. Last year I went skiing with a group on my own, he hates the cold and he doesn't ski. He didn't 'let me', we discussed it and it seemed the best solution. I am quite happy if he goes off and does something. I think that it stems from insecurity.

oooh it's a bit late for me but I have to chip in with an old favourite of mine for you. 'I can't BELIEVE you let him ride a motorbike'. Say what now? The grown adult I live with who makes his own decisions?

One of those was mine in haste, round working from home DH and snuffly teenage DD.
What I meant was blowing the family holiday time and budget without taking the family was most unlikely to make him popular. If his family had the check not to invite me, then serious discussion would be needed.

I know someone who went through her DH's wardrobe and threw out a whole load of his shirts because she "didn't like them." I believe he did like them.
My DH would have been livid if I'd done that, and rightly so. And how many women would be happy about their DHs doing that to their wardrobe?

OP well done for starting this thread and bollocks to that "thread about a thread about a thread is bad form "pile of crapola.

My husband cycles a lot, goes off on trips abroad on his bike and weekends away and stuff, as much as he likes, whenever he likes,( in as much as the family income will allow.)

His mates often comment on how "lucky " he is and how they would never be "allowed".

I am astonished that so many men put up with such controlling behaviour. ( the fact that some women do, and shouldn't is discussed plenty, thank goodness)

I feel sorry for people who are so mired in their own paranoia that they need to be that controlling. And for their DP/H/Ws.

My DH asks me when I get back from a night out if I've been chatted up. Not because he's raving with jealousy, but because if I have that makes him feel good that he's with someone who is attractive enough for that to happen to, despite the childbearing and the advancing old age.

(What I don't mention is the places I frequent don't have the pickiest of blokes in them, so it's not really a compliment... )

Oh and I would love to throw out DH's shirts and socks and pants with holes in them. But he doesn't want me to and he's a grown man who can make his own decisions about how embarrasingly scruffy he is... So I don't. I just wash them.

And yes...what IS the big deal with picking up on a subject raised in another thread, and being inspired to start another thread about it??!
nee naw nee naw nee naw.....
Why?

Well now see, jasper, I'd begin to part company with you on that bit - "as much as he likes, whenever he likes" because I think it depends on your family setup.

I like to think that DH and I are pretty independent of each other, and we have a healthy balance of things we do separately, things we do as a couple and things we do as a family. But when the DCs were younger, we were careful about how much we took on individually, as it directly impacted on the other one picking up the slack with the kids. So, for example, if he wanted to play squash, he'd book a court for after the kids were in bed, or after he'd taken one or both of them food-shopping so I had some time to myself. And he decided against taking up golf, as it would have meant long hours out of the house leaving me on my own with a toddler and a baby - which of course I could manage, but it wasn't my idea of the best Saturday.

As I said on the previous thread this isn't about before, it's about courtesy and respect. And being unselfish.

I quite frequently wish my DP would go off on holiday for a few weeks to give me a bit of peace. Imagine the whole bed, no snoring, dogbreath advances. Bring it on I say. I do most of the home management anyway, singlehandedly, it would be a relief for me to NOT have to deal with his not doing things.

And absence makes the heart grow fonder (for some).

I could go on at some length re items that DM has bought for 13yr old DS from Cotton Traders, but would that be a thread within a thread?

a thread within a thread ... about threads.
Go for it

It's all allowed!

Your husband having fun without you isn't, apparently

Eeekk - shit - shit - & vomit

I 'Allow' DH to do stuff

& allows me to do all kind of shit

We LOVE

Thread about a thread where the point is simply to point at someone and make comments - not on.
Thread about a thread where the original has raised an interesting point worthy of discussion - absolutely fine.

On the subject in hand, there are, of course, partners who take the piss. My soon-to-be XH for example. I "allowed" him to do the golf trips, the business "networking", the stag dos, supported him when he worked late. Got little support or recognition in return. Turned out he was having an affair. However, stamping my foot petulantly over any of those things would most likely not have changed the outcome.

Having been presented with several fait accomplis about dh being away for work (HM Forces), at no or very short notice (that's what he's paid to do, so that's fine), then I expect him to discuss with me when and where leave will be spent and for it to be a joint decision. If he wants to go off to pursue his hobby in Germany (or potentially in Australia) next year, then that's fine as long as we have deconflicted diaries and ensured that one of us is around for important dates for ds, then it's fine, but it has to be discussed. I wouldn't accept a contract that takes me away without making sure that dh was around to feed and water the teenager and the cat, so it has to be vice versa if he wants to go off on his own.

I think the OP of the original thread was pissed off because of the assumption that she would be about to deal with everything whilst he went away. I was really pissed off once when dh came home from 2 months at sea (under the water, so no contact), and then proceeded to bugger off sailing for 3 weeks, when I hadn't really seen much of him that year, and I was 6/7 months pregnant. I wasn't asked if I minded, he just did it. Sadly, the yacht broke down...