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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is unfair by the nursery and to feel hard done by?

207 replies

choceyes · 08/11/2011 09:01

Well I know I probably am being unreasonable so this is more of moan that anythign I guess.

My work nursery that both my DCs go to has about 3/4 staff training days a year. Last year whilst I was on maternitly leave with DD, I sent DS 2 days a week thur and Fri. The inset days always fell on a friday, so I lost about 3 (i think)of them (also the extra bank holiday on kate and wills wedding day fell on a friday too). I thought well fair enough, they have to do the inset days sometimes and friday is their quitest day, so it will inconvinience the least amount of parents.
I am back at work now and DCs go Mon-Wed, as I work on those days.
I was asking about christmas closure and they told me that they have an inset day on Tuesday Jan 3!

Luckily my DH is a teacher and doesn't have to go back till the 5th so can look atfter them both. BUT, why should he have to? Yet again I'm paying good money for TWO DCs to lose out on a nursery day, and a resting day for DH that he really really needs. He has a very stressful job as a teacher, comes home and does household chores till about 9 and never a break in the weekend as we have 2 small DCs and he deserves the 2 days of rest he thought he was going to have.

We don't have any other type of childcare as both sets of parents live miles away so we are either at work or with the children who are 3yrs and 14 months, and very hard work.

As I said I know nurseyr is not doing this to spite me and theres nothing I can do about it, but nevertheless AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

OP posts:
Mooja · 08/11/2011 09:58

YANBU but neither are they.

Life is difficult sometimes. Do the children not go to nursery in the summer as well? If not maybe they should (if you can afford it of course) so that DH can have a few days each week to recouperate.
Also, if he is so stressed, maybe suggest that he goes away for a couple of days by himself for a proper rest, and he can return the favour to you another time.

wannaBe · 08/11/2011 10:00

actually, if you are paying for this then yanbu.

I udnerstand they have to do staff training but this shouldn't have to be on customer time.

SamWidgiz · 08/11/2011 10:02

I'd feel the same as it's an inconvenience, but really YABU. They have to do their inset days sometime, and a lot of people don't go back immediately in the New Year. Your husband will still get a day's rest.

As for "why should he have to?" Well - the simple answer is - they're his children!

mistlethrush · 08/11/2011 10:06

Whilst my son was in nursery 3.5 days a week there were no staff training days on my days. A friend works in a nursery and does training on Saturdays.

Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 10:10

samwidgiz - well yes, but we are paying for childcare at the nursery which we are not getting.

In the summer I was still on maternity leave and we went to france for nearly a month, which in hindsight was a very bad decision as we never had a break during that time, apart from a few days when the in-laws took out DS for awhile. And then when we got back DH had to look after DD and settle her in at nursery for the remainder of his holiday.

I know nursery is not being unreasonable about it, and these things happen I suppose.

OP posts:
MeconiumHappens · 08/11/2011 10:14

Hmm your partner, who gets the whole chistmas week off i assume, will be missing a 'rest' day. I didnt think week long rest days applied when you had kids.
YABU its four days a week, its a business, they arent responsible for whether you have family near by. They offer a service, you book in with their terms and conditions.

naturalbaby · 08/11/2011 10:25

wait till they're at school - see other teacher moaning threads for reference.

don't employers have to be flexible for parents until kids are 5yrs old?

Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 10:42

yes he gets the whole of christmas, from the 22nd Dec to the 5th Jan off work, but all that time, except for the 4th Jan will be spend with the kids, so not really a break for him (or me). Actually I am going back to work on the 3rd so that will be a break for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 10:44

naturalbaby - yes DH is not looking forward to them starting school, all his holidays will be used up looking after them.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/11/2011 10:48

"all his holidays will be used up looking after them."

LOLOL. You have children. You have to look after them.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2011 10:49

I can not believe you are whinging about all the time being spent with your children Over Christmas. FFS.

moonbells · 08/11/2011 10:55

I have to pay for the whole Christmas to New Year week when the nursery is shut. Have to take 3 days off work to cover. I too am dreading school proper, as I'm not a teacher and my hols + DH's hols do not equal school hols!

Woodlands · 08/11/2011 11:01

Bad luck. My nursery closes on 16 December and reopens on 3 January - still have to pay full fees for that period!

moonbells · 08/11/2011 11:03

wow I thought mine was bad...

SamWidgiz · 08/11/2011 11:04

we are paying for childcare at the nursery which we are not getting

Agreed, but I'm afraid that's the way it works. I have to pay my childminder when she has holidays. It's not ideal having to pay to look after your own children, but it's part of the deal and only a few days after all.

sunshineandbooks · 08/11/2011 11:04

I think the OP is getting a bit of a hard time about having to look after her own children. That's not really the issue here. The issue is should she have to pay for professional childcare that she is not receiving because of training days.

YANBU OP. My DC's old nursery did not charge for these sorts of days because they recognised that working parents would need to organise and pay for alternative childcare arrangements on days where nursery was unable to provide it. Same with my CM. Neither adopted this policy because I asked them to, they both did it because it is apparently considered good practice.

Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 11:05

Soupdragon

In the last 3 years of our lives, we have never had a days break from them apart from when we go to work. Never an evening out just the two of us. I can count on one hand the number of times we've had an hour to ourselves whilst the GPs looked after them - they live about 5 hours away.

Yes I am whinging about spending so much time with the children over christmas because, at the end of it we will both be utterly exahusted by the night wakings (neither DC sleeps through), dealing with tantrums, just general stuff you need to do when you have children.
Neither of us gives a fig that it is christmas, neither of us are religious or sentimental.

DH was retching this morning, like he does most mornings because he was woken up so many times last night. The washing is piling up. Our kitchen is falling apart, but we have no time to replace it. I don't even have time to brush my teeth some mornings. DH doesn't even have time to have breakfast in the mornings most weekdays.

Our Dcs are much loved and adored. we spend all our time with them, doing stuff with them, entertaining and looking after them. We always put them first. we have never done CC or CIO to get them to sleep through, cos that would be wrong. Instead we spend hours rocking or waiting by their bedwide till they sleep.I sling DD cos she doesn't like being in the pram, so even if she is heavy now and my back hurts I still do it.

Yes so if I want to have a whinge about losing out on a much needed day off (this is probably the 2nd or 3rd in 3 years) even if it is christmas, I think I am entitled to. We just need a fecking break.

OP posts:
HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 08/11/2011 11:08

sorry OP but your DH is getting a good break over christmas. having to look after his own children in that time is nothing out of the ordinary. i'm sure there are plenty of people who would like a day off from their dc now and again but when you are a parent the deal is you have to look after them. if you really value your childfree days and your DH needs these couple of days i suggest you look into employing a nanny where you can set your own terms.

Iggly · 08/11/2011 11:09

How old are your DCs? Come over to the sleep section and see if the lovely ladies can help you out. I am anti CC/CIO but DS (2) now sleeps very well. I would suggest you tackle the sleep thing because when you say "we have never had a days break from them", it sounds a bit :( You do need to do something.

Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 11:10

sorry xposted with a few responses there.

I fully appreciate that we still pay the nursery for holidays etc. We paid for nurery over summer even though DS went about twice in the whole of the summer holidays.

It's just a bit annoying when they always used to have the inset days on a friday and soon as I change wokring hours to Mon-Wed, they decide they want to have it on a Tuesday! Why not Fri the 23rd for example? I just feel I've been unlucky with this inset situation.

OP posts:
Debs75 · 08/11/2011 11:12

you have to pay for nursery places when the nursery is shut for business?
Surely that is a con. I can understamd if you are away and are paying to keep a place open.

OP tell DH tp get a grip! He is very lucky to have a job with huge holidays so he can see his beloved dc's. If he doesn't want to look after them then maybe you need to reasses your priorities

Original poster
choceyes · 08/11/2011 11:12

heresthethingboohoo - what exactly is a "good break"? I think his job even though it is stressful, he says is less demanding than looking after 2 small DCs. What's the break in that? Yes I know we have to look after our own kids and that is the deal, but I resent the assumption, that just cos me or DH isn't at work, we are getting a "break"!

OP posts:
Woodlands · 08/11/2011 11:15

moonbells/debs it's not too too bad for me as my work also closes between Christmas and New Year and we don't have to take the time as holiday, but we still need to juggle things for a week.

StepfordWannabe · 08/11/2011 11:15

choceyes you need to start putting you and your partner first before one of ye cracks up. Sleep is VITAL for you to function at work and at home, and spending hours rocking/standing by their bedside is just not sustainable in the long run (as you are clearly finding out now). I am not a CIO or CC person either, it always seemed a bit cruel, but if DD (23 months) is clearly just whinging because she doesn't want to go to bed, I let her know I'm around but that it's bedtime and I don't comfort her to sleep (if there's nothing wrong obv). Maybe take the opp over Chrstmas hols (when you can nap during the day a bit) to really set down a functioning bedtime routine and sleep pattern, otherwise some serious illness will really take it out of ye as neither of ye will have any reserves to deal with it.

SamWidgiz · 08/11/2011 11:16

You have been a bit unlucky with the inset day in the NY, but is it a one off that will revert back to Fridays later in the year?