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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is unfair by the nursery and to feel hard done by?

207 replies

choceyes · 08/11/2011 09:01

Well I know I probably am being unreasonable so this is more of moan that anythign I guess.

My work nursery that both my DCs go to has about 3/4 staff training days a year. Last year whilst I was on maternitly leave with DD, I sent DS 2 days a week thur and Fri. The inset days always fell on a friday, so I lost about 3 (i think)of them (also the extra bank holiday on kate and wills wedding day fell on a friday too). I thought well fair enough, they have to do the inset days sometimes and friday is their quitest day, so it will inconvinience the least amount of parents.
I am back at work now and DCs go Mon-Wed, as I work on those days.
I was asking about christmas closure and they told me that they have an inset day on Tuesday Jan 3!

Luckily my DH is a teacher and doesn't have to go back till the 5th so can look atfter them both. BUT, why should he have to? Yet again I'm paying good money for TWO DCs to lose out on a nursery day, and a resting day for DH that he really really needs. He has a very stressful job as a teacher, comes home and does household chores till about 9 and never a break in the weekend as we have 2 small DCs and he deserves the 2 days of rest he thought he was going to have.

We don't have any other type of childcare as both sets of parents live miles away so we are either at work or with the children who are 3yrs and 14 months, and very hard work.

As I said I know nurseyr is not doing this to spite me and theres nothing I can do about it, but nevertheless AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 10/11/2011 15:02

"babies can thrive way beyond 1-2yrs with just breastmilk actually, and a lot of babies
do." rubbish.

Babies need food. If you seriously believe that your milk is enough for an eighteen month old then what you are doing is seriously damaging to your baby.

If this is genuinely the approach you take then I pity your children.

Feeding an eighteen month old on breastmilk alone and merely offering food in case she might want it is not doing the best for your children - it is bordering on neglect/abuse.

But you carry on op and hope nobody decides to report you to ss - I would.

saintlyjimjams · 10/11/2011 15:02

"I totally trust my DH to look after both kids. He looked after them himself when I was at work during the summer, so he is perfectly capable of that. He is probably a better parent than I am actually, as he is a bit more relaxed about things!"

OK good - so why did you say earlier you won't leave them with him at the weekend at all?

If you're happy with the way things are then it's not a problem, but in many posts you don't sound happy (and your dh doesn't if he's retching in the morning - I have kid with SN and have frequently gone to work on 2 or 3 hours sleep but never been up retching - that's rather worrying). If you're not happy there are things you change which will give you extra sleep/time alone. If you don't want to change it then fine, but it's not really the nursery's problem that your both so stressed you can't cope with INSET days. IYSWIM.

saintlyjimjams · 10/11/2011 15:03

Oh my word - not your; you're :hangs head in shame:

Original poster
choceyes · 10/11/2011 15:03

It's not a big deal for me DoMeDon. The night feeds are the least hardest part for me as I co-sleep and it is a matter of latching her on and goin back to sleep.
And contrary to your exprience, I know lots of toddlers that still have milk feeds till at least 2...they are the norm rather than the exception in my circle of friends.

Carrots and celery and porcamiseria - yep it sucks, and I am surpised to find that a lot of nurseries dont' have inset days.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 10/11/2011 15:04

so this is an op who won't let a child cry for a couple of nights because she thinks it's cruel, yet is quite happy for an eighteen month old to live on breastmilk alone.

unbelieveable.

Angry
fuzzypeach1750 · 10/11/2011 15:05

Yes, still have milk feeds. that's different to it being their main source of nourishment! Wow!

saintlyjimjams · 10/11/2011 15:06

I don't think there's any problem with breastfeeding until toddlerhood/childhood (I fed ds2 until he was well over 2) but I think food is needed as well? BY 2 ds2 was having pretty much one feed a day before bedtime and he was eating as much as his brothers who were weaned earlier. I have skimmed a bit so I can't work out how much solid food she's getting.

duckdodgers · 10/11/2011 15:10

Im a bit confused regarding your DH looking after the children as what you said initially I have to be with the children all the time even at the weekend, and I don't let my DH look after the kids on his own, even when he suggests I take a break. seems to contradict what you are saying now I totally trust my DH to look after both kids. He looked after them himself when I was at work during the summer

Confused
porcamiseria · 10/11/2011 15:12

OK, have read whole thread

OP I think main issue is lack of sleep. My 2 are same ages are yours and they are EXHUSATING, they cant help it!

But I think the sleep thing could be addressed, painful thought it is to contemplate! and I striongly advise you to stop the night feeds, bkless her but she does NOT need booby at night at her ages, and she knows it too

Its hard as you obviously are trying hard but the whole sleep thing has gone nutty , and thats affecting everything

Original poster
choceyes · 10/11/2011 15:14

wannabe - well yes , being just on milkfeeds at 18 months (extreme case of course) is not making the baby unhappy is it? provided it's what the baby wants?? but making it cry at night will?

I feel like ai am goin round in circles here.

duckdogers - i have explanined the discrepancy before if you read the whole thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
choceyes · 10/11/2011 15:16

I'm not going to argue or debate on the night feeds . I do what I think is right and going by my instincts. My DD is PERDECTLY NORMAL In WANTING MILK FEEDS AT NIGHT. ALL MY BF BOOKS SAY SO. So not getting in to an argument anout that.

I'm finished on this thread now. thanks all who were supportive.

OP posts:
HippyHippopotamus · 10/11/2011 15:18

babies can thrive way beyond 1-2yrs with just breastmilk actually, and a lot of babies do

none of your links support the above comment (you made earlier)

As i said, i'm still bf my dc2 (same age as your dd) so i'm not against extended bf. What I am against is the dc's behaviour having a detrimental effect on the lives of their parents.

fuzzypeach1750 · 10/11/2011 15:18

OP just doesn't want any help. She wants a pat on the back and a 'there, there sweetie it's hard isn't it?'

working9while5 · 10/11/2011 15:20

I am breastfeeding ds at 23 months and you are by no means alone in breastfeeding a toddler but you are absolutely wrong, and borderline abusive, in thinking that your baby "wanting" only breastmilk is okay and it is making her "happy". It's not good for her health at best and it could be extremely detrimental.

You don't need support, you need to get a grip. Lots of people tried to support you but you are desperately trying to tell everyone how great and right you are.

Bye now.

HippyHippopotamus · 10/11/2011 15:21

anyone else feel like they've wasted a whole lot of time on someone who wasn't ever going to listen?

porcamiseria · 10/11/2011 15:27

Oh dear!!!!! look go to sleep thread, they will have advice

working9while5 · 10/11/2011 15:29

Yup. I actually felt very supportive a few pages back but was beginning to realise it was all "I am right, I am right, I am right". Well, fair dues, but why do you need to tell a whole load of anonymous punters the details of your life to validate it? MN is great for support and to share experiences, but you have to be willing to have a discussion rather than a monologue.

Petisa · 10/11/2011 15:33

OP I know you've had loads of responses, but I thought I'd add my tuppence worth as a mum of a 3 year old and a 14 month old. I've effectively been a single parent for the last year, as dp works abroad, although I get help from my mum.

It's tough, isn't it. But you really are making things very very hard for yourselves. You need to relax, put the telly on a lot more, get a babysitter, NOW. And sort out the sleep issue. I'm not a fan off cc but your eldest is not a baby any more, and there comes a point when you just have to say enough is enough and you have to bring some balance to your lives. You can't live like this any longer, you are burning out.

I co-sleep with my 14 month old and still bf. But she only wakes once a night and only bfs 4/5 times a day so it's not affecting her appetite. If I found she wasn't eating enough or it was affecting her sleep I'd be getting her into a cot and cutting down the milk feeds. If my dd2 hasn't had a milk feed she eats more potatoes/rice or whatever. You need to try this.

You can try to get them into their cots/beds gradually you know, it doesn't have to be harsh. You can try staying in the room with your baby if they are crying in the cot so they know you are still there. Get a nice light or something for your 3 year old's bedroom, or stickers for staying there all night. Try stuff and persevere. You're going to have to make the effort and put up with a bit of crying if you want to avoid burning out completely.

NotaDisneyMum · 10/11/2011 15:33

I've been reading but not felt qualified to comment until I read your last post:

"I do what I think is right and going by my instincts"

If this includes putting your marriage last as you and your DH are currently doing, you are likely to join those of us with failed marriages in their history Sad
I can assure you that any 'damage' that may be done to a DC by withdrawing night feeds and putting boundaries in place regarding feeding and sleeping is nothing compared with the trauma DCs experience when hostile parents fight through a separation Sad
When you are dealing with a DC who is having panic attacks and throwing up because the life they have always known has been turned upside down, then whether or not they were fed on demand for as long as some recommendations suggest pales into insignificance Sad

Petisa · 10/11/2011 15:34

FFS good luck then.

Petisa · 10/11/2011 15:38

Hello porca btw (sorry, hijack) - we meet on threads with dc these ages Grin Glad to see you're still surviving!

porcamiseria · 10/11/2011 15:41

hi Petisa! yes, I am feeling slightly better about my 2 after reading this thread now!!!! xx

thingsabeachanging · 10/11/2011 15:58

So op works part time dh has 13 weeks hol a year and she takes kids away for 4 days every 2 months so he can get a break. She refuses to take any advice about sleep issues or coping strategies? My heart fricken bleeds

PosiesOfPoinsetta · 10/11/2011 16:00

I actually meant the easy 'right now' route as opposed to making it easier in the long run.

zippadeedoodaa · 10/11/2011 16:02

Is it me or are there more and more threads recently where the OP asks AIBU but I really don't plan on listening to a word anyone says.
OP just out of curiosity when will you put boundaries in place for your children? when they are 5 ? 10?? 15??? if so good luck!
Oh and none of us who choose not to lie down and be doormats to our children are bad parents we are doing whatever it takes to get through the day with our sanity intact