to think this is unfair by the nursery and to feel hard done by?

[choceyes]

Well I know I probably am being unreasonable so this is more of moan that anythign I guess.

My work nursery that both my DCs go to has about 3/4 staff training days a year. Last year whilst I was on maternitly leave with DD, I sent DS 2 days a week thur and Fri. The inset days always fell on a friday, so I lost about 3 (i think)of them (also the extra bank holiday on kate and wills wedding day fell on a friday too). I thought well fair enough, they have to do the inset days sometimes and friday is their quitest day, so it will inconvinience the least amount of parents.
I am back at work now and DCs go Mon-Wed, as I work on those days.
I was asking about christmas closure and they told me that they have an inset day on Tuesday Jan 3!

Luckily my DH is a teacher and doesn't have to go back till the 5th so can look atfter them both. BUT, why should he have to? Yet again I'm paying good money for TWO DCs to lose out on a nursery day, and a resting day for DH that he really really needs. He has a very stressful job as a teacher, comes home and does household chores till about 9 and never a break in the weekend as we have 2 small DCs and he deserves the 2 days of rest he thought he was going to have.

We don't have any other type of childcare as both sets of parents live miles away so we are either at work or with the children who are 3yrs and 14 months, and very hard work.

As I said I know nurseyr is not doing this to spite me and theres nothing I can do about it, but nevertheless AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

OP - have only read the beginning and some other late posts on the thread, but I am genuinely puzzled by this inset days thing at the nursery. My DS's nursery, which is excellent, has never closed other than for snow and public holidays, no inset days. Plus they close over Christmas/New Year but the fees are reduced accordingly. So I really think you need to check your contract with them to see what the deal is on the inset days, because IMO they should be doing this in a way that does not impinge so much on childcare provision. I think you've had a rough ride on this issue on the thread. Would you consider moving your DC to a different nursery if this isn't resolved?

Sorry you feel so stressed. I would advocate a) lowering your household standards quite a bit (it's what I do ) and b) routine, routine, routine to establish good sleeping habits. I'm skipping over a lot here but am posting quickly. Wishing you luck.

choceyes the first thing to stop is the all night feeds. You say she didn't eat solids til she went to nursery? do you think perhaps this was because she was getting a high percentage of her nutrients at night from you? i'm bf dc2 still (same age as your dd) but she still has a good appetite for solids and hasn't had a feed at night for a long time
dc1 (same age as your ds) was an awful sleeper until I stuck with the rule of 'leaving him in his cot from bedtime til morning'.(he was about 14mths when i realised that i had to get strict with him because i wasn't functioning on the little sleep i was getting, i was just existing) I didn't leave him to cry, i was in there with him to start with but there was no more rocking, feeding etc. if he was upset he used to stand in his cot, i'd kneel next to it and give him a cuddle to calm him down. Oh and with regard to tidying up, he tidies up before bedtime and only has one box of toys out at any one time eg bricks or cars.
my dh works longer hours and doesn't have long school holidays off work but, if he has any time off, even if its only half an hour, he'd rather spend it with the dcs than doing anything else. yes he has a break from them, in fact he's away this weekend but he also recognises that i also need some time to myself. he often offers to take them both to the park and leaves me on my own.
i completely agree with you about having one of them on their own is more relaxing than both at times. Mine are pretty good with each other but i love being able to focus all my attention on just one of them occasionally.

do you have any hobbies? if not, you need to. something you can do regularly, preferably out of the house. ever fancied doing an evening course? now's your chance. leave your dcs with your dh and do it!!

ps sorry this is long and jumbled!

Am i the only one who thinks that the problem is somewhere else?

It doesn't matter if someone uses childcare during holidays, many people do, others don't want to.

I don't think op resents her dcs, that was a bit harsh.

They do have seperate hobbies, what they don't have is time as a couple.

What i read is that this couple dont spend a second together with no children, not in bed and not else where. Someone above said that OP's house sounds chaotic. Some couples unconsiously want it that way.

Choceys, what if the house was clean and tidy and the dcs in bed tonight at 8pm? Would you and your dh love to sit in each other's arms on the sofa? Or you wouldn't know what to do with your peace? What if your parents have the dcs for a weekend? Would you enjoy a weekend together with no dcs or would you panick?

When you have little children it is easy sometimes to drift apart and the longer it goes the harder it is to get back.

The idea about your bil babysitting once a week sounds fab to me. But again you make sure you are not alone as you are taking dd with you. I think you should leave her with bil and ds and make a deal to not talk about the dcs over the meal/drinks.

P.S. I might have got it completely wrong, my apologies if so.

what do you suggest posiesofpoison - that i force feed my DD??????? I can only offer her the food, I cant ram it down her throat FGS. although i know some ppl do do that to theur babies...I prefer a more baby led approach, not force feeding.
She eats loads on the days she goes to nursery...just as much as all the other babies....and she still wakes up at night.

Posieofpoison - you have been nothing but unhelpful and rude to me, and you sound rather unbalanced TBH, forgive me if I don't take your advice anymore, you sound a bit nutty.

I shall repond to others later, I have to go.

I think that you need to get help wth her feeding if she is not having a full and varied diet at 18 months.

Why is she eating loads on the days she goes to nursery, and not on other days? What is the differential?

llaquitar - yes you have got it wrong, cos we LOVE spending time together as a couple. on the rare occassion that they have been sleep together during the day we talk loads and enjoy a meal out or even a cup of tea. we both miss each other terribly when the kids are around as we can't even have a proper conversation. I really do wish we could spend more time just me and DH.

she eats less than loads on the other days, sometimes even more than DS...is that Ok?? she has more milk on the non -nursery days...that's only natural
I'm totally happy with her diet, she has a varied and balanced diet. Just cos she doesn't stuff her self silly like some other kids doesn't mean she is in any way lacking. She is small. I am small and petite. DH is skinny. DS is skinny. She was never meant to eat that much anyway.

working9while5 - I don't think I need to get any help actually. babies can thrive way beyond 1-2yrs with just breastmilk actually, and a lot of babies do.

I haven't read the whole thread. YABU but I would be too in your situ. It does sound like you are making life harder for yourselves though. Your last few posts seem very defensive and I wonder if it is because you don't really want to do anything differnetly with your DC. You have made choices for your own reasons and things will only change if you go back on these choices. Night feeding, co-sleeping, being a mummy martyr are all well and good if it makes you happy but you sound jeffing miserable to me.

Ah ok. apologies then.
Hope your bil babysits soon and you enjoy an evening out.

babies can thrive way beyond 1-2yrs with just breastmilk actually, and a lot of babies do

really? I'd be interested in reading about it if you could find a link please

Yes I'm the nutty one, what with my happy children in decent routines and a DH who doesn't dread spending one of his few days of with his four children.

I think you and your DH need to grow a backbone as you seem hellbent of taking the easy route which will eventually prove to be extremely hard and is shit for your dcs.

And calling someone nutty when you post on AIBU about ONE day of nursery during your husband's two week holiday is rather pot kettle black, don't you think.

You sound like so many dippy parents that haven't got an idea about children and please yourselves rather than do what's best for your dcs.

So have a and and think about how right you must be as you are so perfectly happy.

OP you do seem to think that life is either one extreme or the other ......there's this amazing territory of parenting called the middle ground. Most parents plod along there very happily.

You sound a bit like I was with DS and with a husband a bit like mine too! I think people who breastfeed, co sleep and have children who are on the go all time but don't have family to help can feel a little overwhelmed and exhausted! My husband works away now in the week and also works at home on weekends and I have to say things are much better because I have had to get tough with the children. They have a routine, they have to stick to it, my DS 5 has to behave well, he has to go to bed at 7-30pm. I have used charts sticks and telly time as a form of control. My DD is 3 months old, if she cries when I give time to DS she isn't going to die of a broken heart. It is the best thing that I have done and DS is much better for it and says he loves me and the baby everyday so don't think he has suffering too much! Also your husband has to man up and stop whinging. He is an adult man, with adult responsibities! Having said that why can't he go out on a sunday morning? Likewise, you could go out sunday night!

You can still breastfeed though. I did until DS was over 3 years old!!!

Posies I shall ignore you from now on, because you are the only one that seems to miss the point. We have been doing what is best for our DCs for 3yrs now, the deteriment is to us. Have you not read any of my posts so far? Our children are always put first, we are the ones suffering, and yes you still sound pretty nutty to me.

hippyhappyhipp - read Complementary Feeding by Gabrielle Palmer. It says that BM provide all they need for the first year and then on they only need small amounts of iron and zinc to supplement it from then on. Most foods (essentially macronutrients like carbs and fats. BM only needs topping up by micronutrients like iron and zinc), that replace BM before 1yr are poor subsitutions for BM and aren't complementary to breastfeeding.
Anyway, my DD did eat stuff before 12 months. I'm not worried about her diet at all.

Posie so the 'easy route' is rocking your kids to sleep for hours each and every time they wake up? You really are reading this very differently to a lot of other posters, who have been pointing out that the OP and her husband seem hell-bent on doing things the hard way. Glad your kids are happy with your choices and household routine - but there are other ways too. Let's all try and be nicer to one another on here, eh?

and here's a link from a different source. Read the bit How much should my toddler be eating?

kellymom.com/nutrition/solids/toddler-foods.html

And I like this bit, confirms what I am doign for my DD is right
Continue to nurse on demand, day and night, and trust your child to increase the solids when he's ready. As baby slowly moves into eating more solids, your milk will fill any nutritional gaps nicely

Babyled is fine providing it's not killing you. Lots of good suggestions on here that are worth following up, clearly something needs to change (and not the nursery).

Way back you said you won't ever leave the children with your husband and you have to be with them at all times. That sounds rather suffocating for you all (I know a family like this where the mother doesn't trust the father with the kids and he in turn doesn't trust her) - I'd work on letting him have some time alone with them before you keel over from trying to do it all (with no TV).

Thanks eightieschick

I totally trust my DH to look after both kids. He looked after them himself when I was at work during the summer, so he is perfectly capable of that. He is probably a better parent than I am actually, as he is a bit more relaxed about things!

woopsie, anyway OP YANBU to feel annoyed. I used to have a CM for 2 days, and full day was you guessed it , a Monday! so she got paid for a shit load of Bank Holidays. Pissed me right off!

We can all link to sources which back up our ideas on parenting. Nursing on demand, day and night may feel like the right choice to you - it would feel like hell to me. If you want something to change- you will have to change your way of doing things. I know no other DC who are having milk in the night at that age- I have read there are some on MN- that must show you it is possible and not damaging.

YANBU - the nursery should not charge for the inset days but spread the extra costs of staff salaries for those days throughout the year for everyone ie they should charge an extra 2p per session to everyone (or whatever the sum would be) rather than charging you for days of childcare that you don't get.

There is nothing they can do about the fact that they can't offer childcare those days though.

You so should not have had children. Your moaning just makes me laugh, grow up and get a grip on what real life is