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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

168 replies

NoobyNoob · 20/10/2011 12:58

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

OP posts:
going · 20/10/2011 13:01

I found bf with a toddler easy. Easier than ff because I didn't have to make up and sterilise bottles. Not all FF babies feed quickley and some can spend as long as bf baby taking milk.

ScaredBear · 20/10/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

benandhollyandgaston · 20/10/2011 13:02

I really wouldn't ask this here.

FWIW I mixed fed my DD2 after a week because feeds were taking all day (due to tongue tie not diagnosed and corrected til 4 months). I figured that was better than going straight to formula.

blackoutthesun · 20/10/2011 13:02

yanbu

you'll be doing the feeding so your choice

also do think you might be better getting this moved

SoupDragon · 20/10/2011 13:03

Well, I think you need to get this deleted and then repost it in Breast/bottle feeding asking for advice on how to make breastfeeding work.

Kellamity · 20/10/2011 13:03

Remember though you are so experienced at BF because you've done it before. When your DS arrived not only was he learning how to do it but you were too. Next time it's different, you'll know what you're doing -at least more then you did first time around. If you want to do it why not give it a go - how about give it a month and reassess or reassess at any point if it becomes too much.

I just remember when my DCs went onto FF it was so much more labour intensive than BF.

Haribojoe · 20/10/2011 13:04

I don't think it's unreasonable, at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you.

IME having had one FF baby and two EBF babies I have found breastfeeding easier/more practical when juggling the other children as well.

Maybe see how it goes when the baby arrives.

Ultimately you have to make a decision that feels right for you and your family Smile

minimisschief · 20/10/2011 13:04

you could always do both. Or see how it goes with bf and ff and see which one works best

there is no need to feel guilty about anything and i must admit i am a bit sick of people being made to feel guilty about whichever you choose

SoupDragon · 20/10/2011 13:04

I say that because of this comment " I do want to breastfeed again "

you need to look at it from the other direction I think and ask for held and advice.

pinkdelight · 20/10/2011 13:04

Your DS will be fine. What do you think the problem will be? If you're in, he'll play with his toys or toddle around or, god preserve us, watch CBeebies. If you're out - well, you won't be out that much in Jan, and if you are you'll be somewhere indoors where he can play with toys, toddle etc. It's only the first few weeks where the feeds take a while and at that stage they're so little you can still do stuff whilst feeding anyway. I don't really see how it'll be any easier bottlefeeding anyway. You're still stuck feeding the baby for however long.

Happymm · 20/10/2011 13:04

My DD was 22months when DS was born. I made up a box of special toys and books, that were only bought out during feeding. She either played with something special, or we cosied up and I read stories till my voice cracked

I was more prepared too having been through it once. And sometimes I cut short feeds if necessary, and he wasn't allowed to just nuzzle and feed so much as DD did with me dozing off and sleeping/feeding.

It was hard, but it is manageable. I had to use a routine though, far more than with DD, who basically did whatever she damn well wanted nothing changed now she's 7

AKMD · 20/10/2011 13:05

If you didn't want a BF/FF debate then why did you post in AIBU? Confused If you want advice, the Breastfeeding / bottle feeding forum is here.

Feed your baby how you like. Formular won't kill her

valiumredhead · 20/10/2011 13:05

YANBU it's completely your choice.

reallytired · 20/10/2011 13:05

Why don't you breastfeed in th early days so that your child at least gets the colostrum.

It takes time to feed a baby however you choose to feed. Mothers who bottlefeed a toddler also find it hard. At least with breastfeeding you don't have to make up feeds or wash up bottles.

SoupDragon · 20/10/2011 13:06

For a start, you can breastfeed on handed and have one arm spare to hug your DS and read a book or something. A fabric sling is invaluable here.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 20/10/2011 13:06

not sure how long it takes to feed a bottle of formula? Is it really that much quicker? I don't know

If you aren't sure what to do with toddler when you are feeding, CBBC is your friend.

Tangle · 20/10/2011 13:06

I've heard people suggest having a basket of books/toys that you can help a toddler with while BF - might be worth considering?

If your only reservation on BF is how to make it work logistically, why not wait and see how things go while you have your family around? You don't know how quickly your DD would BF, or whether she'd be any faster/easier with a bottle and you can't know until she gets here and you're a few weeks in. If its looking problematic then you could try a bottle and see if its any easier. If you don't try you'll never know...

LiegeAndLief · 20/10/2011 13:06

Hmm. I have no experience of bottle feeding but have bf a newborn with a toddler in tow. He watched quite a lot of tv and fortunately would sit for quite a long time reading books with me, but the stage where dd fed for hours didn't last very long, and then it was very very easy. She did a lot of feeding in the evening when he was in bed as well.

When we were out I used to take snacks that would keep him still if we had to sit somewhere for a while, or go to the playground with friends so that someone could keep an eye on him whilst I fed dd. I also learned to feed standing up pretty quickly! Had a sling as well which helped a lot.

If you are ffing though, won't you still need to stay in one place for quite a while whilst you actually feed the baby? I suppose it might be more predictable, but you will also have the faff of making up bottles etc.

MidsomerM · 20/10/2011 13:08

YANBU of course, as it's your life and your family. But one thing I will say is that if you enjoyed breastfeeding last time then why not give it a try this time? You can always switch if it doesn't work out.

My DS1 had the one-hour breastfeeds, in that way that only first-born children can. But with DS2 things had to change. I couldn't neglect DS1 while spending hours feeding. So DS2 learned to power-feed! He was much quicker, so it all worked out fine. I'm a single parent and I really couldn't face the hassle of sterilising bottles and all that faff.

As I say, don't feel pressurised into either course of action, but I sense from your post that you'd quite like to breastfeed again but you're worried it won't be possible with a toddler. I wanted to reassure you that it may not be a problem.

Iggly · 20/10/2011 13:08

Can you try BF then introduce bottles? Your little one will need a lot of hands on attention regardless of method.

I have to say, this has crossed my mind as expecting DD in December and DS will be 2.2 so worried about the long feeds. Although it did get better.

A friend of mine has managed with an 18 month old an newborn so must be possible!

Original poster
NoobyNoob · 20/10/2011 13:09

OK, I'll email the mods and get it moved, thanks for the advice thus far.

AKMD - I really don't want a debate about it. If you don't believe me then fair enough. I wanted to post here because I geuinely wanted to know what people though. We are all adult enough to discuss it amicably without it turning into a bun fight.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 20/10/2011 13:11

Definately agree this is wrong place to post this.

YABU on the basis of not looking at how it could work and yaNbu as it's your choice.

For me personally I plan to ebf my imminent arrival and I had a 3 and 11 year old. Will be tandeming a bedtime nurse for a while too. Also the idea of faffing around with bottle, sterilising etc seems like a lot of work, so I'll be lazy parenting Grin got a closer sling that I'm gonna try too.

Sidge · 20/10/2011 13:12

A newborn needs feeding one way or the other and FF won't necessarily make life easier.

A 2 year old can be entertained whilst feeding takes place, whether BF or FF. CBeebies is your friend, as is a basket of sticker books, story books, Duplo etc.

If you've bf before and are keen to do so again then having a toddler isn't really a complete barrier to bfing again.

TanteRose · 20/10/2011 13:13

My DS was born when DD was only 17 months old. I live overseas, and had NO help whatsoever.

Breastfeeding was much easier the second time around, and as others have said, there was none of the lounging around all day, waiting for baby to have a long, leisurely feed every time.

My DS, luckily, was a right guzzler Grin I would put on him on, he would get on with it and I could read a book with DD etc.

He wasn't held as much as she was, I would have to put him down when DD needed her nappy changing etc.

Try with breastfeeding and see how it goes Smile

AliGrylls · 20/10/2011 13:14

I had a 17 month old and a newbie and managed to BF. I am sure it is easier than formula feeding. The advantage I found is that I had one hand free so I would sit on the floor whilst feeding DS2 and would have one hand free to play with DS1 (no hands free if formula). Also, it gave me motivation to learn advanced breastfeeding skills - I am now able to prepare a light snack whilst bf'ing and feed a child who is unable to feed himself.

The only times that were tricky would be when we were all out together - DS1 would run around and want help climbing over cargo nets and the like, however, I did find that people were really helpful and would either take DS1 or if I was not feeding, DS2 for a cuddle.

Personally, I would give it a go as I think you will be surprised.