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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

168 replies

NoobyNoob · 20/10/2011 12:58

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

OP posts:

gaelicsheep · 21/10/2011 00:22

Not unreasonable but perhaps a little unrealistic. First of all, please please think about breastfeeding for at least the first few days. Then remember that you need two hands/arms to bottle feed, which you will be stuck doing at least 4 or 5 times a day for six months. Better for your toddler in the long run if you can grit your teeth through the difficult early days and be a breastfeeding pro who can multitask!

BoastingByStealth · 21/10/2011 00:40

Not read the whole thread, but it sounds to me like BF is what you want to do, you say you'd feel guilty if you didn't.

And I think BF is way easier than heating up milk, sterilising bottles, cooling the milk again.

It's what you want to do by the sounds of it, and you know it's best for your newborn. Your DC1 will learn to cope with you feeding, and doesn't need to feel left out or resentful.

Do it. If it hasn't worked out after a few weeks, then make a decision about whether to carry on. To make a decision now I think wouldn't be right for you, as you've discussed it with DP but now are having second thoughts.

Good luck to you!

MarianneM · 21/10/2011 00:53

Why do you think FFing will be easier?!
I found nothing easier than BFing both my babies - the 2nd one was born when my older daughter was 19 months. I was "out and about" all the time with my daughters, and nothing could have been simpler and more natural than BFing my daughters. The only problems I ever had was trying to give DD1 milk from a bottle a couple of times - what a hassle sterilising, warming bottles etc etc while the baby is screaming!

Why do people generally thing FFing is easier - IT ISN't!

OP, if you had a positive experience BFing, just go with it! Your son will be fine - really!

screamingbohemian · 21/10/2011 01:18

Marianne, as we were saying upthread, some people think FF is easier because sometimes, for some people, it is easier. I know for certain I had an easier time FF than a friend of mine did BF. But then, some people will find BF easier. It really depends.

I never had to make up a bottle with DS screaming because he fed like clockwork, every 4 hours. This was actually another reason I found FF easier, it made things very predictable.

I can see how, if you BF, using bottles occasionally might be a hassle. I think it's a bit different if you FF all the time though.

birdinatent · 21/10/2011 01:22

YANBU feeding is your choice, your baby will thrive either way. Do not beat yourself up about your decision it is a good one with sound reasoning. Good luck with baby number 2

cory · 21/10/2011 08:19

Noone can tell how easy you are going to find either with a toddler, depends on all sorts of things- ease of bf (often easier with second child), temperament of toddler etc. I found bf very time consuming and strenuous the first time round but much easier the second time and actually probably easier to fit round the demands of a toddler than ff would have been as I could bf anywhere without preparation ,so easier to fit in with dc1's life. But of course there is no guarantee you would have the same experience.

I did give up on washable nappies the second time round for very similar reasons to yours.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 21/10/2011 08:55

I bottle fed my first three children but breastfed my fourth. When my fourth was born my first three were ages 5,3 and 1. I found it actually didnt make much difference from the bottlefeeding in terms of overall difficulty, the first few weeks feeds were more frequent but my older children pretty much ignored it from the start despite my worries about jealousy. After that it was the same frequency as my bottlefed babies and actually a little less hassle on terms of going out etc.
The only thing i did find a pain was the school run because i couldnt seem to time the feeds so that she didnt want a feed while we were walking home but that wont be an issue if you dont have school runs. I didnt breastfeed her for anyother reason really than not wanting to pay for the formula but it went so well that i will be aiming t breastfeed dc5 when she arrives in a frw months,

I would give it a go if its too hard you cann switch to bottles, thats the plan i have anyway!

NanBullen · 21/10/2011 08:59

well i've ebf dd and really wish i hadn't tbh. she won't take a bottle and as you say, they do seem to feed for ages when bf!

Having said that, it's been useful not to have to prepare bottles and just plonk her on the boob. ds has learned to occupy himself now whilst i feed her (he's nearly 4) but he said to dh recently that he was sad becuse all i seem to do is feed dd which obviosly made me feel crap

also, i try not to go out until dd has had a feed and try and get back before she needs the next one because if i'm out and have to feed dd i can't run after ds and make sure he's safe. obviously this would be the same if i was bottle feeding but if i had to quickly stop feeding to run after ds at least i wouldn't flash everyone whilst doing it if i was bottle feeding!

oh, and i bf ds but found it so much harder this time with dd, not sure why

sorry not much help, i would say bf as i think that that's what you really want to do but get the baby on a bottle as soon as possible too so that you have a choice. ds switched really easily from boob to bottle and back again so hopefully yours will too

oh, and bf during the night is so much easier than having to prepare a bottle isn't it? although if you bottle feed then at least your partner can help with night feeds. you see, there are pros and cons with either way of feeding!

Scholes34 · 21/10/2011 09:01

Obviously your choice, but the convenience of breastfeeding shouldn't be overlooked - no preparation, no waste and the baby can be off and on the breast if you need to deal with your oldest. Mine were 18 months apart.

Scholes34 · 21/10/2011 09:03

I don't get why anyone would flash when taking a baby off the boob. I always wore a t-shirt to lift up and an open shirt over the top.

spottypancake · 21/10/2011 09:05

You can make whatever decision suits you - but I would bet that BF would suit you better than FF.

My DD arrived when my DS was a few days after his 2nd birthday. Like you, I had EBF my DS. My DS was one of these velcro babies who fed all the time and feeding would take hours. However, DD was born and latched strongly first go and fed quickly and efficiently from the moment she was born. It would have been really far more difficult for me to FF DD.

NanBullen · 21/10/2011 09:10

i also can't put ds to bed at the moment because dd feeds for about an hour before bed and this is when ds has a bath and books etc. if i had bottle fed then obviously dh could have put dd to bed some nights and i wouldn't have missed out on putting ds to bed for the last 8 months.

up to you, but i personally think i made the right choice for dd but the wrong choice for ds as i don't get as much time with him as i would like. but i suppose that'll happen anyway with 2 kids!

TheOriginalFAB · 21/10/2011 09:10

I get that you are worried about your son while you are busy with the new baby but if I can breast feed with a 2 year old and then again with a 4 year old and a 22 month old, then anyone can as I am pretty useless.

You must do what you think is best but tbh I think BF is a lot easier than FF. FF brings extra work.

You can have a special box of fun things that your ds can look at while you feed and your newborn might be a 15 minutes feeder.

Good luck.

Scholes34 · 21/10/2011 09:11

With DC1, I was pinned to the sofa breastfeeding and didn't dare move in case she came off the breast. By DC3, walking around whilst breastfeeding, making cups of tea, sorting out the older DCs wasn't a problem.

elportodelgato · 21/10/2011 09:17

I really understand where you're coming from. FWIW I bf DD1 for 9mo and only managed 5mo with DD2 but I'm glad I did it second time around, for me there would have been a guilt about not doing the same for the 2nd child IYSWIM. it was much easier 2nd time around as for one thing DD2 was a really quick efficient feeder and rarely fed for more than 10mins at a go which was easy to deal with with a toddler. But I did eventually decide to stop because I found it so exhausting doing all the nights and then up all day too with the toddler, plus I just wanted my body back! Good luck whatever you decide, it's for you to work out what works best for all of you and YANBU to want that

NinthWave · 21/10/2011 09:21

I had no problems at all BFing DS2. DS1 was 3.2 when he was born, and used to 'help' by shouting "HE NEEDS MUMMYMILK!" and poking my boob (I'm helping him get the milk out Mummy") while he was feeding

DS1 went to preschool 5 afternoons a week so I did sometimes have to cut feeds short if we needed to be out of the house, but the baby got used to it.

I'd also like to boast point out that I had NO family help at all as DH was at work and I don't have any family around, we managed just fine though!

TheOriginalFAB · 21/10/2011 09:33

Not sure why subsequent babies means you have to give up using washable nappies either.

spooktrain · 21/10/2011 09:39

Another one who had no probs BFing no 2 (when no 1 was 2.5)
I remembered the awfully long feeds with no 1, 40 mins, sometimes an hour and a half etc. but no2 fed completely differently, never for more than 20 mins at a time then he would come off the boob himself.

I think BF actually makes things easier when you've already got an older one - if you're out in the park with no1, for example, you don't need to plan bottles etc, it's all there on tap

( I say this never having FF, but FF looked like such a faff to me)

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