to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

[NoobyNoob]

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

I see your point. I am aware that some people find BF very quick and easy but others (like me) find it time consuming and often difficult.

But as others have said, you are overthinking this. Keep an open mind and see how it goes. BF a second child is generally easier than the first because you are more confident and experienced. Why not set yourself a target - i.e breastfeed for the first few days so at least your DC gets the colostrum and then after that... make your decision.

I think BF easier (have done both). No bottles, sit on you arse lots -resting- feeding baby. You don't even have to get out of bed at night if you don't want to. Although I guess if you have someone to help you could stay in bed!

But everyone/situation is different. I know when DD2 was born DD1 was just short of three and found BF tough but when DD3 came along DD2 was 4 and it was easy -after the initial few weeks-

I've never FF, but I had the same concerns as you when I was expecting DS2.

It all works itself out, it really does. Tbh, I think it is less work to bf than ff, as you don't have to wash, sterilise etc and there's nothing to remember when you're going out.

I used to go out to the park a lot and let DS1 run off his energy whilst I sat on a bench and fed. At home I just read lots of books, played games/puzzles on the floor, that type of thing.

If I was you I would wait and see how you get on. You can always choose to introduce bottles of expressed milk to take the pressure off, or introduce formula. I really wouldn't worry yourself to death over it.

Oh I would never say FF is easier for everyone

I just disagree that it's propaganda to say it can be easier. For many people it actually is.

But you never know how it's going to go, that's why I think if the OP wants to BF she should give it a try and see.

I think I'll have another think about it all, but this time not resign to any decisions until she's here.

That's one of my main problems. I make a decision and if it doesn't go to plan I freak out and feel like I've lost control, when control is the only thing I want to gain from the situation IYSWIM.

Really do appreciate all the comments and help, I've saved this thread so I can have a look back when she has arrived. I feel better for talking about it.

Seems a bit to ff the new baby because of 'ease and convenience' especially if you want to bf. I bf'd dd2 who arrived when dd1 was 22 months it was fine and both girls were fine - great in fact. So much easier than faffign around with sterilisers etc.
I found bfing such a great experience (after the initial pain etc!) I couldn't bear not to do it for dd2. Why not just try bf ing and then change if you want to later.
You will need to spend quite a bit of time with the newborn anyway so I personally don't think that bf / ff while make much difference to your dc 1. At least with bf you can all slob on sofa together! As for out and about, well you'll need to feed the baby somehow, but it will be fine. The tiny baby feeding all the time goes in the blink of an eye esp second time round. Good luck.

My second dc was 22 months when third arrived.

It really wasn't a big deal breastfeeding with a toddler in tow.

And the long and very frequent feeds only last for a few weeks. And can usually be done one handed.

And whatever people say - it's not just about you or your older child. Your new baby is the one who'll be most directly affected by your choice in the short, medium and long term.

Good luck Noobs

And don't get too hung up on the 'unfair on my son' thing. First children get undivided attention until a second child comes along. They deal with it. However you feed your baby there will be times that she needs comforting for an hour when your DS wants to play or needs quiet when your DS wants to be noisy. He will adapt. He will be a bit jealous but he'll get over it. You'll feel a lot worse about it than he he will.

YANBU, I wanted to bf my DD but couldn't manage it and had to switch to formula, even though I am pro breastfeeding and felt really miserable that I couldn't do it I am not even going to attempt to breastfeed the next baby who will hopefully be here within the next couple of years, I just can't face trying to learn to breastfeed with a toddler and a newborn to look after so I am going to bottlefeed again for convenience.

YABU. Not to FF, but for the reasons you stated about not BF'ing. I just don't think that they are valid reasons. You did ask :)

Fair enough.

My immediate thought is that FF is going to be much more of a faff and inconvenient than BF. Especially all that night feeding!

banana87 Of course they are valid reasons.

I found BF much easier at night, we co--sleep- slept.

totally understand where you're coming from in terms of "control" though - I felt so out of my depth and out of control when I had DS we had a miserable few months. I think I've come round to accepting there is no way of controlling something/someone you know nothing about so this time will hopefully be easier.

IMO If you want to bf then try and see how it goes - you can always mix feed or express so DP or someone else can feed the baby occasionally if you worry about having little time with your son.

Also your next baby might be a quick efficient feeder - DS was a 10min job and didn't need feeding for another 3 hours almost from day 1, even in the evenings - and he sucked me dry in that time!

I don't find it a problem at all - in fact it's far easier as while I have to carry round masses if stuff at least I don't need to remember milk! I can go out for ages with just nappies, clothes, muslins and some water for me.

Tell stories while you feed. And have toddler snacks ready for the feed in the park.

Baby is ten weeks and toddler 2 and a half.

I used slings like the tricotti sling to help me BF with a toddler - and grew large biceps. Basically, I got pretty comfortable with actually walking around with a baby latched if necessary. I don't think DS actually thought 'Mummy has a baby latched constantly'. The baby was just 'around'.

I caved when school run time came at about 3 months (for my older Dd) I started giving a bottle before we left, to avoid delays on the route. in retrospect, I maybe 'over solved' the problem - I think I could have managed with just allowing more time.

In terms of convenience - the big plus is being able to get out and about easily (minimal luggage; minimal worries). We hung out lots at playgrounds, soft plays, toddler groups and the like - which was a-ok with DS - and meant that the mess stayed out of my house .

You're free to make your own decision. I would just say to be cautious about solving a 'problem' that may not exist.

I FF DD1 (2nd child) out of convenience (she was a cryer and wouldn't sleep very well, I couldn't handle nights on my own). I completely regret not going longer then 2 weeks BFing her. DD2 (12 months) is still BF despite having another 4 under 6 children to look after, I find it much easier then bottles!

It's entirely up to you. I mainly bottlefed my second. It's true that ff babies can take as long to feed but it was the frequency of breastfeeds that did it for me. I literally felt like I hadn't seen my dd for weeks.
Breastmilk is undoubtedly better for babies. But it is unrealistic to think that the nutritional value of the milk is the sole deciding factor in how you choose to feed your child.

Oh, I do love the fact that so many of the initial responses said "this is going to kick off, you should really get it moved"

and in fact it hasn't kicked off at all and there have been lots of lovely informative, non judgemental and supportive posts.

I think it's going to be very tiring having a newborn and a toddler whatever you do! I can see the lure of FF (someone else can do it, babies do often sleep for longer stretches), but there are some BF situations you can put to your advantage. You can BF lying down. If you co-sleep then you'll have to stay in bed feeding the newborn while your DH attends to rampaging toddler! I know which I'd rather do.

You can also retire to your boudoir with your BF newborn at the weekend or evening and read or watch crap telly while DH attends to rampaging toddler. BF MAKES you rest and you need to do this after having a baby. I don't know how much your DH does with your toddler, but this could well be his time to really bond with your DS. It's a very short phase (seem like a long time when you're going through it I know) when they're feeding for what seems like hours on end (and then you get growth spurts), but just think....in the summer you'll be able to go to the park with both children so easily. No bottles to worry about!

I also think that if you enjoyed BF your son you might struggle with guilt if you don't at least try with your newborn.

Obviously you should feed your baby however you want to. But if your reason to FF is solely that you think it will be easier/more convenient with having to handle DC1 as well, I can only add to the chorus saying BFing second time around was easier and quicker. DD gets ten minutes on each side (don't even start with the whole "hind milk" business anyone, that's how she likes to feed and at not quite three months she has almost doubled her birth weight) every three to four hours and that's that. DS would snack for hours on end given the chance.

I BFd DD with DS who was just 2 when she was born and found that the biggest benefit in terms of practicality was having one hand free, which you generally don't if you FF unless you have very bendy arm. Used this hand to turn pages of books to read to DS, do jigsaws, change channel on TV and probably also on occasion take him to the loo... Would try BF and see how it goes, TBH, then whatever decision you make you will know you made the right one.

YANBU - feed your baby whichever way you please!