to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

[NoobyNoob]

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

I found beastfeeding a lot easier the second time round, the feeds were quicker and slightly less frequent. I think that the second time my body was more efficient at making milk.

Do you feel that breastmilk is better for the baby than formula? If you do then do you feel like it might make you feel guilty to FF (Im not saying that you should feel that way, just asking the question). If you think that is possible a middle way would be to start out BF but plan to switch to FF if it gets too difficult - you can always switch from BF to FF, but going from FF to BF is much harder.

The other thing to bear in mind is that if you start breast feeding you can always switch to formula if it doesn't work out. But you can't do it the other way round.

I actually found BF easier with a toddler and less work. It meant we could go out and about for DD1 to do stuff and I didn't have to faff about worrying about making up bottles and stuff and could just feed DD2 on the hoof when we were out and about. When I was doing feeds at home (and to be fair DD2 was a quick feeder) I would just put some TV on for DD1 or we would look at a book together.

I think you are creating far more work for yourself chosing to FF for this reason, you will have lots of bottles to wash up, sterilise, make up, you will always have to think abotu whether you need to take a bottle with you every time you go anywhere, if I were you I would give BF a go, and see how you get on with your toddler. Even with FF you will be having to give your newborn a bottle and won't be able to pay your toddler attention during that time.

It is your choice, but I managed to bf ds2 when ds1 was 20 months and then ds3 when had 4 and 2 year old. I'm not super woman and always thought it easier that bottle feeding. Just saying -don't feel pressured either way and enjoy your young family.

I felt just the same. How could I spend hours glued to the sofa while my 2 year old rampaged? In fact DD is a marvel and powerfully slurps for 10 minutes max. Perhaps I wad lucky or nay be she learned straight away to get it while it's on offer.

She's 10 weeks now and is often unmatched and dumped while I save DS from certain death but she's totally accepting of it

When I'm out i find I'm having to keep DS close by with the use if raisins / biscuits/ whatever their poison. Not ideal but a temporary solution to a short term issue

My advice - if you want to FF then do but don't beat yourself up about it, if you gave doubts then try BF and if it doesn't work out then cest la vie

Maybe give it a try - it might work out better than you think, and if not then at least you can feel you gave it a go (if you think you'd feel guilty otherwise).

It's completely your decision though, and not unreasonable at all to choose either way.

I have done both and found breastfeeding easier. There is 22 months between ds1 and ds2 and 2 years 9 months between ds2 and ds3. I found the best places to feed when out was the waiting room at the dr surgery and the childrens centre as they had toys.

It is entirely up to you how you feed your baby but I will say that FF babies don't necessarily feed quicker (my 4week old FF DS was taking an hour to drink 5oz until I realised I had to change his teats over). When FF you need two hands - one for baby and one for the bottle. You can BF with one hand and still be able to use the other hand for reading or playing with DC1.

There are pros and cons to everything and only you can decide what will be best for you but please don't presume FF is less hassle. You must sterilise, boil kettles, cool kettles, count powder, prepare endlessly in order to go out ad infinitum.

I BF newborn DD2 when DD1 was 28 months, no problems at all. Will bottle feeding really be so much easier in the early days? (I don't know the answer, but I imagine a new born may still need to suck on a bottle for 40 mins?).
How about trying to give the newborn the colostrum for the first few days/week at the very least? You'll have support around then and the first Bmilk is the most important.
Do you need to decide now? You could always leave your options open and see how you feel when the baby comes.
I'm worried about fitting in a new born with 2 year old and 4 year old on the school run. When you don't have to rush to be anywhere it is possible to take your time BF and give older DC lots of attention. When DC1 was a newborn I bet you spent the feeds gazing and cooing and being in awe of him, but when DC2 comes along you'll not have time for that, you'l be reading stories, talking to and giving jobs to DS. He'll still be getting your attention, or if it's tricky then playgroups are your friend. You can sit/stand/walk about feeding the baby up your jumper while he has fun with friends and loads of toys.
Do what you feel is best and feel confident in whatever that choice is, but make sure you know exactly what FF involves and keep your options open.
Good luck!

tbh if you are going to FF on th basis that it takes less time you might be disappointed. Both my children were FF and DS used to regularly take an hour / 1.5 hours to drink abottle, whereas DD 15 months later has never taken more than 15 mins to do whole feed. I think BF might be tougher to begin with if you / baby are having problems getting it established but then if you FF you will need to constantly sterilise bottle and boil water, which will again take time away for your eldest...... So in anyswer to your questions YANBU to want to FF but as you have already BF why dont you give it a go and see how you get on? TBH its hard juggling the need of 2 children to begin with when you are used to just dealing with 1, whether you are talking about getting dressed, going out, feeding either of them! So do what you feel best with

YANBU you can feed your DC whichever way you like and should not be made to feel guilty whatever your decision.

FWIW I don't think this is a terrible place for the thread - on the basis that you are possibly more lilely to get replies from MNers who are less militant in whichever view they hold, and more likely to also get replies from MNers who left feeding babies behind some time ago.

I breastfed all my DCs, and so, after DC1, there were always toddlers around. It wasn't a problem, I. So while I can't say that it would or wouldn't have been easier to FF subsequent DCs, I can say that breastfeeding was fine.

And the points about not having to faff with formula and bottles, and having to judge how long we could be away from home for, or whether we needed to take supplies, is definitely valid. It's hard enough to take enough stuff for more than one small DC, so having feed for one of them on tap def makes things easier!

And as AliGrylls says, you'll get good at it. You'll be able to BF, cook the supper, feed a toddler, answer the phone and MN all at once in no time :)

I am BFing dd1 who is two weeks old. Ds is two and a half. He was EBF for 5 months then FF (I had medication to take that was not compatible with BF). Personally I find BF easier than faffing about with FF and it has been gone so far with my toddler. Good luck with whatever method you choose

I didn't breastfeed at all due to NOT WANTING TO.

Had tits the size of melons.

Told the midwife, happy mum happy baby.

End of.

I also want to say that I really worried about how DS1 would cope - time wise, attention wise, jealousy wise when we were expecting DS2. I worried how I would cope with managing feeds, fitting everything in etc.

When it all came to it, it was knackering but fine. Toys, involvement and lots of cbeebies! I think the thought of things are sometimes far worse than the reality (not saying it's easy, by any stretch, but what I worried about before birth was so different to what I was actually concerned about or at least thinking about after the birth).

Advice on managing breastfeeding newborn with toddler - lots of singing, involvement, making sure I spend enough time with DS1 when DS2 was asleep, sometimes leaving DS2 for a few minutes if I'm in the middle of something with DS1 (and saying "he can wait a few minutes before I see what's up, we're playing cars together at the moment"). It will all be fine, whatever feeding method you choose!

Congratulations btw!

Why not mix feed. BF will be much easier to do at night. Then you get the best of both.

I think that given that you are an experienced breastfeeder AND a big part of you would clearly prefer to breastfeed, I'd be pragmatic - start off bf, see if you can do it to your satisfaction in the circumstances - if not, switch.

You will then have tried the bf and won't have that awful 'what if'.
You will also have bf for the first couple of weeks, newborn will have colostrum and a couple of weeks bf, or more, again an advantage.
You will be making an informed decision rather than deciding what you think will be too difficult/too stressful before you've actually experienced it.
You can do it this way, but you can't start with ff then switch back!

Plenty of people DO manage to bf the second/third etc. - I've only one, can't comment - but it must be possible! So you don't know until you try.

Either way, be very cheerful and proud of yourself in the knowledge that you are clearly thinking very hard about the best possible approach for the good of BOTH your children. Good luck!!

I'm honestly suprised that a lot of you found breastfeeding easier the second time round. I thought it would be quicker to FF TBH which is why I decided to make the decision.

I had visions of DS feeling neglected almost (a massive over-reaction I know!) because I'd constantly have a newborn glued to me.

Hmm, I think I'll give it some more serious thought then. I'm so pleased that I'm not the only one who has had the worry about it either.

Every baby is different, ds used to take 2 hours for a feed, dd was much quicker (out of necessity maybe?) and used to speed feed for about 15 mins. DD was a winter baby too and the weather was so awful that we were actually in the house a lot so I just used to sit down for 15 mins for a quick feed. Quite often I'd set ds a task beforehand (see how much of that train track you can build while i give dd some milk) and sit and watch him (he was 2.3)

I got very good at feeding while standing, walking around the house, feeding with one hand while making cup of tea, I even fed dd while supervising ds making easter cards :o Most days if the weather wasnt' too horrendous we'd go to the park so ds could clamber around while I fitted another feed in (mind you -15 degrees wind chill on a wet nipple is something not easily forgotten!). I was so glad I didn't have to worry about taking bottles and formula whenever I went out. It was hard enough to remember all the other bits and bobs.. two different sized nappies, wipes, muslins, change of clothes for dd, bibs, snacks for ds. I really really really didn't need one more thing to think about. Have boobs, will travel! :o

I think the second child will always have to adapt to the circumstances they're born in to, dd fed much more quickly but she did feed a bit more often than ds, probably as a result of having to feed a bit faster. But it didn't affect her growth or development in any way.

I think how toddlers react to newborn sibling is as much down to personality as anything else. I think feeding method comes way down the list.

YANBU to ff if that is what you want. However I think YABU when you say 'its not fair on my son' because that is a nonsense - plenty of families have bf'd all the children in turn, which would be in no way 'unfair' to anyone.

Congrats on the pregnancy btw!

if it suits you then do it.

don't seek approval for it - thats just wet.

good luck

...and thank you for some lovely replies :)

I'm not going to do the YA/ ANBU.

I've bf all three dd. there are 23mnths between dd1/dd2 and 23mths between dd2/dd3.

TBH it is managable as you do it differently. (DD3 more so because of school runs for dd1).

You take the baby off the breast when you need to be somewehere /doing something else/ saving a toddler.
You put aside your firmly held beliefs on the correct amount of tv a toddler should be watching to the point where they can turn the tv on themselves
You talk and read to them whilst you are feeding.

Basically for the most part the baby fits around what you are doing not you it. As each baby came along the abilty to instantly meet the needs of the infant when a toddler had "done a pooooooo mummy" etc etc became less and less. What's the worst thing that happened the baby cried for a couple of minutes, tea was half an hour later than normal.

(Even with a FF baby there will be crying as it takes a couple of minutes to make up a feed).

All in all it's up to you, but pleasse do not be put off becuase it's not managable. lower your expectations of what exactly you will be doing where you will be going (not just for feeding but for life with 2 anyway!)

Noobynoob I can understand your worries. Personally I found BF easier second time around as well, like lots of people here as I was just more blase about wandering around with a baby attached to one side, doing everything else at the same time. I also used to read to my toddler whilst feeding.

I found that for us, the jealousy thing didn't kick in with my dd2 as a tiny baby, as at that point she was static, not able to say anything and only really had much individual attention when breastfeeding (everything else we did together). The jealousy was terrible for us when I tried to wean dd2, as it took ages and I had to focus on her more, it was also shortly after she started crawling and taking my dd1's toys and that set it off too. Luckily after about six months of not really liking her little sister, my dd2 stood up and talked, and my dd1 realised she had a playmate and they get on very well since.

I would leave your mind open on this, you can make choices at the time. I would also say that you are naturally prioritising your first child now as that is the only child you know and you don't want to upset them in any way, be prepared that you do have the same feelings towards the second as well, so choices sometimes get harder once you know and love both children (rather than thinking about some baby in the abstract).

oh and good luck and congratulations!