to bottlefeed newborn because I have a toddler?

[NoobyNoob]

Before I post this, I don't want this to turn into yet another BF/FF debate. This isn't my intention whatsoever, I want to know if IABU or not.

I've made the decision to FF DD when she arrives in Jan. I EBF DS and he will be just short of two when she arrives.

I've chosen to FF because of ease and convienience but I can't help but feel that IABU. It's been on my mind since DH and I discussed it a few months ago, and although he backs me in whatever decision I make, I feel guilty because I'm doing it for my own ease.

When I breastfed DS, I remember the feeds lasting for half hour/40 minutes some days and I can't do that when she arrives because it's not fair on my son. I do want to breastfeed again as my experience of it was a very positive one, but I can't for the life of me work out how I fit it around DS - especially if we're out and about.

Even though I'll have family around initially to help, they live abroad so I'm pretty much on my own in the day when they go back.

So, AIBU and does anyone have any advice on how it might work if I was to BF with a toddler around?

Ultimately, it's your choice, but it sounds as if your heart is really with breastfeeding, not bottlefeeding, to me.

Ultimately, it's your choice, but it sounds as if your heart is really with breastfeeding, not bottlefeeding, to me.

I think you should do what you actually want to do. If guilt is the only thing stopping you from ff then you are starting off on the wrong foot.

There are many advantages to ff as well as bs but people don't like to talk about them so readily. I have ff my baby from birth and it has been one of the best decisions I have made. I love it. It really works for us. As for people that go on about how long it takes to sterilise and make up bottles, I don't know whether they have actually ever done it but it literally takes 1 min once you have done it a few times. - microwave sterilisers are brill. There are no problems with latching on/mastitis etc Yes, it costs but it works out at about £8 a week and you don't have to spend money on loads of bs tops. Partners can help out/bond, and share night feeds. You can feed anywhere - in the middle of a pub/coffee place without feeling uncomfortable (if you are like me, as I would). Babies tend to sleep for longer stretches on formula. You can eat what you like and have a much deserved glass of wine. You know exactly how much baby is taking, which can be reassuring.

I was bottle fed from birth and am a very healthy, happy individual. I think there is some truth in the saying "happy mum, happy baby" - go with what works for you, because you can bet if it works for you it will work for your baby too.

Another one here just to say I found BF second time round so much easier than with DC1 despite my apprehensions - I was a more experienced mum so I didn't need to learn how to bf whereas first time round we both did. I think, given you are obviously pro-bf and have good memories of it with DS, that it would be a teeny bit daft :) to decide ff is easier without actually trying bf first. There is definitely a panic when pregnant with DC2 to work out all the ways to make life easier for yourself, and I promised myself that I would be open to ff if bf didn't work but thought it worth giving it a go in case it was fine. And it was!

I found that within a couple of weeks DS and I had worked out our little routine while feeding DD - that is when we would do snuggling time or reading time. I had one hand free to cuddle up with him which I wouldn't have had with a bottle, and he turned the pages while I read, or we just cuddled and chatted. DD's feeds became as much bonding time for me and DS - time for him to rest and cuddle up and feel loved in the midst of his world being turned upside down by her arrival - as they were for me and DD and I think it even helped a bit with DS bonding with his sister too as he was so close to her while feeding rather than feeling excluded. He liked to watch her feed and would often just sit by me breastfeeding his doll at the same time :)

I think you should try not to make a decision now before you've tried it - after all it's easier to switch from bf to ff if bf isn't working than switch from ff to bf if you find ff difficult.

Relax about it, and just go with the flow - it's the only way with 2 DCs I find anyway! Best of luck :)

I had a 22 month gap between my two and decided to bf DC2. It was so much easier the second time (as is pretty much everything with a baby - it's looking after toddler that remains hard!). There will be times when you're a bit conflicted between the 2 children especially in the early days but I actually think bf is easier as you don't have anything else to do in relation to it apart from the actual feeds. Imagine waking in night with crying baby and having to go an make up a bottle. In the meantime DC2's crying wakes up DC1. It doesn't sound like the easy option to me. Give bfing a go - you can always switch to FF if it really isn't working out.

I have 16 months between mine, and bf both. In many ways it was easier the second time, in some ways harder.

It was easier the second time because I knew what to expect, didn't have silly misconceptions about what I would/wouldn't be able to manage. It was easy enough having the older one as well. When it was time to bf the baby I either cuddled up with them both having a 'special cuddle' ie. bf one, cuddling and reading a book to the other or I put cbeebies on for 20 minutes or whatever.

Like you, I worried how the hell I would manage it, it was hard the first time round but now I'd have to do it with another one to keep safe/entertained too? But it was manageable and do-able and it was ok.

Give it some thought. If you want to FF then FF, you need feel no guilt about that. Otherwise, you could set little deadlines, like I want to BF for the first week, first month or whatever. Have the bottles and formula in the house and then you know you are in control. If you are bf it is on your terms and you can stop anytime you feel it isn't suiting your little family.

At the moment ds is a real person to you, that you love so much annd feel worried about and protective of ,in a way that your unborn baby can't be yet. So many women have worries that they cant possibly love another child that much, or that it will be so hard for dc1, and I think that maybe you're kind of manifesting that really common worrry in a really specific and physical way; that bfing dc2 will compromise your love, the specialness of ds?
Wait and see. You make your own choice, every day. If you start to bf you can stop at any time.

My toddler was very excited about me feeding the baby and thought it was some sort of magic. As she got older and could talk, she would proudly tell old ladies in coffee shops that mummy was going to feed her baby sister 'with her boobies!', she was very proud of me and my 'magic boobies

She started 'feeding' her teddies too, trying to lift up her top to feed them, it was uber cute. I don't think she felt left out at all, she certainly didn't seem to be anyway.

YANBU, do whatever works for you. Of course there are lots of wonderful things about BF but feeding is just one aspect of being a parent.

But I don't see why you have to make the decision now, you could always try BF for a while and if you feel it's not working, switch to bottle. It's different for different people, I had really trouble with low milk supply both times round, DD2 just kept losing weight so I was put on a programme of expressing to help boost supply and giving formula top-ups ? it was incredibly time-consuming and difficult and I only got to 4 months. But if it goes smoothly, as it does for lots of second time mums, it might actually turn out to be easier than FF.

Best of luck

I used to stick cbeebies on all day for DS while I bf DD. He had lots of snacks too. I needed both hands for bf so never bothered with reading to him at the same time.

I'd see how it goes if I were you. Don't automatically assume the feeds will be long, DD would feed for 10 mins max (although she always needed a good winding too) and gained loads of weight.

YABU, with practice you can BF and read a book to a toddler no problem, you have a spare arm for hugs and you can chat and join in with the came from the sofa. If you FF you will get up and do the cooking, ironing whatever, you will actually interact with your toddler less.

Came = game

If you are doing it for ease and convenience BF is much simpler-why have to faff around with bottles?

I think the issue is that you cannot imagine (like most 2nd time mums) how you could possibly prioritise another child's needs over those of your pfb. You could make it work but why not reserve judgement until your dd arrives. 3 months' development will make a huge difference to your ds, in terms fo his developemnt and self expression, interest in toys, books, other children and dvd's which will all help take the pressure off you to constantly entertain. Sometimes your dd will have to wait , sometimes your ds, but that would be the same either way. It may not be easy at first but perfectly possible.

Entirely your own decision, OP.

It's not a question of being reasonable or not, it's all to do with what's best for you and your family.

The point is that whichever decision you do finally make, that you're comfortable with it.

Good luck with everything.

YABU just by asking this here.
YANBU by feeding your child the way you see fit.

You are being naive if you think life will be any easier FF instead of BF with a toddler around. Middle of the night feeds??? Out and about???? You still have to make up the bottles you know.

If you BF, you just whip your boob out, hand toddler a packet of raisins or a book and get on with it.

Whatever you decide, just make sure it's right for you and baby not what you think will be easier

I BF all three of mine by the way; current ages are nearly 7, 4 and nearly 2. My youngest BF until he was 14 months old! It was fine.

It's not a popular opinion but I have done both with a toddler and despite the sterilising, which you don't exactly need to stand over, I found ff WAS easier. IME ds fed quicker and it was every 3 or so hours as supposed to 40 mins of feeding every 2 hours.
It's all very well saying read them a book but my dd wasn't happy to sit still reading/watching telly for hours on end every day.
I agree with others who have said to keep an open mind though. For all you know your new baby may be a super efficient breastfeeder and your ds quite content to amuse himself.

i ebf all of mine and had 3 under 3yrs. i remember mornings at the breakfast table with a newborn: me bfeeding, eating breakfast and helping/feeding one toddler and the odd spoon of help for the other toddler. in fact pretty much every meal time was like that! i always had a free hand to carry on eating though.

do whatever you need/want but having had a baby with a toddler to look after twice i found it waaaaaaay easier to bf.

I had 15 month old twins with a newborn.FF was waaaaay easier.I managed 6 weeks of bf and then caved.

I'd give it go if I were you though as you seem to feel guilty already(not sure why). Even if you do a week,you can say to yourself that at least you tried. Having done it already very successfully you might be pleasantly surprised. You may always kick yourself later if you don't give it a go..

YANBU to base your decision on whatever is most convenient. That's a perfectly sensible strategy.

But I think YAB a bit U to think that FF will be more convenient, TBH.

Btw if you want to get the thread moved the easiest thing to do is not to email but to hit "Report" next to your OP and say "move me please".

I've got a 2 year gap between mine and DS was a massive cluster feeder, so I understand your concerns, YANBU to think it might be an issue.

In your position I'd plan to bf for 2 weeks (or however long you've got DH or other visitors at home to look after your elder DC). If your baby turns out to be an ultra-efficient feeder you can carry on - if it's a nightmare you can just stop in the knowledge that you've given your baby a good start.

YANBU and should feed your babies whichever way you choose

But I agree re giving BF a try (as you got on well last time) rather than making the decision before the baby arrives.

My DS1 loved long feeds and I couldn't work out how I would manage when DD was born (DS was 22 months old). She turned out to be a v speedy feeder and it was much easier than I'd anticipated.

4 months later she also had to get used to stopping mid-feed while I potty trained DS1. Funny how he would always say 'I need a wee' as soon as he saw me BF his sister...!

Sorry if this has been said before (have only skim-read), but I found it almost impossible to understand how anyone managed to look after more than one DC before I had my second. I just couldn't imagine how it was possible. But once your second arrives, somehow you do manage, one way or another. At the risk of descending into psycho-babble, it sounds like you're putting all your anxieties about meeting both their needs onto the one issue of feeding. Of course YANBU to feed however works for your famikly, but I really think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how things just work out.