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Original poster

10 Tips to Prevent Rape

688 replies

coldwed · 19/10/2011 09:43

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

OP posts:
cory · 20/10/2011 12:28

"Those are also not the cases that posters and advice to women are about. The posters and advice are more aimed at reminding women to be aware of the possible danger from strangers."

That is precisely what we worry about, squeaky. That concentrating the warnings on a less likely scenario is increasing the risk from the more likely scenario.

A bit as if I advised my dd to swim the river on her way home to save her from being run over by cars and when the dangers were pointed out to me kept repeating "but I am not talking about the dangers of drowning, I am talking about the dangers from cars".

Imo the best way to decrease risk would be for posters to be aimed at encouraging women to report rape. This can only happen if they are reassured that they will not be blamed for the incident because of where they were or what they wore.

More women saying "it wasn't my fault"= "more rapists reported to the police"= "more rapists behind bars"= "a safer world for all of us".

Whatmeworry · 20/10/2011 12:31

Thanks Cory, I've found your posts helpful and practical.

kelly2000 · 20/10/2011 12:41

A small minority of people who get lung cancer have never smoked, even passively. Does that mean we should concentrate on thse cases, and not bother about informing people of the dangers of smoking and in fact enocurga epeopel to think smoking does not cause lung cancer?

Also if a sexsomnia wakes up during having sex with someone and carries on they are a rapist. If a sexsomniac sleeps in a house wiht someone without telling them they have sexsomnia and they have non-consensual sex with them, they are a rapist as they knew they could do this and were reckless as to whether it happened.

MrSpoc · 20/10/2011 16:10

NambaJam what a low sly dig you just did.

I re-read that thread and belive it is a "get out of jail free card" for Monsters but in your case Tcanny i belive you not a Rapist and in fact take reasonable steps to help yourself.

NambaJam · 20/10/2011 18:04

I stand by my opinion of him. To ME sexomniac = rapist

NambaJam · 20/10/2011 18:05

And I dont see why Tcanny should have input on this thread

catgirl1976 · 20/10/2011 18:07

Erm, my DH has sexsomnia namba. Should I let him know he is a rapist and then call the police?

slightlymad72 · 20/10/2011 18:08

just shows your level of ignorance Namba.

Tcanny · 20/10/2011 18:10

Don't bother responding more to her catgirl. Its pure attention seeking and im not willing to further let her hijack this thread for her own amusement.

Any and all tools that can be used to prevent rape/promote awarenes of rape are all good in my book.

This leaflet is worth sticking in the blokes toilets of bars.

limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2011 18:26

in the time after I was raped, I did the exact opposite of all of the "advice" I wore practically nothing out. I was frequently very drunk and alone/in the company of one man (mainly not well known). I got in random taxis and went to random peoples houses.
I went a bit nuts TBH.

But I wasnt raped.

BECAUSE THE MEN I WAS WITH WEREN'T RAPISTS.

I had exactly the same experience Florrie apart from the bit about being raped. I'm very sorry for you but you could never have known.

I don't understand what some men and women find so hard about this to understand. Their fear, superstition and obstinacy makes me very angry.

All men are not rapists. Some men are. Let's call the rapists and their apologists on it.

NinkyNonker · 20/10/2011 19:03

Namba you are hijacking a thread that a lot of people have poured a lot of private detail into, that's not on. I disagree with you too, I can be quite violent in my sleep (night terrors amongst other things) but that doesn't make me violent or guilty of assaulting DH.

limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2011 19:19

namba you are hijacking the thread. Please desist. There's a dear.

NambaJam · 20/10/2011 20:19

How lovely ..... defend the rapist sexomniac.

Funny how he accuses me of hijacking then 2 other jump in.

JanHal · 20/10/2011 23:31

Namba

  1. You are hijacking a thread.
  2. You have seemingly killed of an active thread that was discussing a serious issue
  3. You are launching personal attacks on another poster and that is grossly unfair.

For fucks sake grow up and stop being an attention seeking twunt.

thunderboltsandlightning · 21/10/2011 00:23

From your thread Tcanny:

"Also I will not sleep in a room with someone I would not be happy to have sex with (I only sleep in a room with my wife now)."

Because wives can't be raped, right? Well that's what they used to believe in the olden days (twenty years ago).

I can't believe this person is being given the time of day on a thread about rape. Notice how he can only see it from his point of view. How his wife feels about someone who has rapesomnia (sexsomnia is innacurate) isn't even discussed.

thunderboltsandlightning · 21/10/2011 00:26

No 7 on the leaflet list Tcanny

"remember it's not sex with someone who is asleep or unconscious, it's RAPE"

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/10/2011 00:34

I love this. It's brilliant. Take it. Hand it out. It's dispells all the stupid defenses the legal profession make to get rapists off.

I dress in short shorts and bra tops. My clothes are my business. (Are they notConfused)
I have sex when and with whom I want when I want (No?)
The fact that I do these things does not mean that a rapist has the right to rape me.

It is not my responsibility to ensure that I am not raped.
Rape is the fault of the perpetrator, no one else.

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/10/2011 00:44

Is this available in pdf format that I can print off and give to the clients who come to me racked with guilt because they were raped or sexually assaulted?

thunderboltsandlightning · 21/10/2011 00:48

There are pdfs on this page:

www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/campaigns/10-top-tips-to-end-rape/

DioneTheDiabolist · 21/10/2011 01:11

I love this on so many levels.

  1. It places the blame for rape on rapists, not women
  2. It places the blame for rape on rapists, not men.
  3. It places the blame for rape on rapists, not on situation.
  4. It places the blame for rape on rapists, not on alcohol/substances.
  5. It places the blame for rape on rapists, not on clothes.

If you rape, it is because you are a rapist. It is totally your fault.

NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 07:47

I welcome Tcanny's input, and I speak as someone who admitted 'publically' to have been raped for the first time on this thread. Don't spoil what has been an interesting discussion with personal attacks.

Tcanny · 21/10/2011 09:36

Now thats a great way to launch an attack Thunder, take 1 sentence and use it out of context to back up an argument that realy dosent exist.

Bearing in mind that my wife knew about my sexomnia before we ever shared a room or had sex with each other, and also gave prior consent to anything happening while I was asleep. (unfortunatly she isnt a member on here or Im very sure she would love to let you know her views). We all know that wives can and are raped, usualy by controlling weak minded males who use sex as a tool to dominate.

Lack of consent = rape

I also wonder if you would accuse some of the female sufferers of this condition of sexual assault? (yes women are sufferers too)

As I have already said I have become very aware of consent. And in my case the need to ensure consent before I can even share a room with another person. To do anything else would be unnaceptable. I dont take chances with other peoples lives and wellbeing. That includes not sleeping at friends houses unless I know Im in a room by myself and a whole load of other self imposed conditions (both at home and elsewhere)

I hadnt intended discussing sexomnia on this thread. But it has certain points relevant to consent and the need to be doubly careful.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 21/10/2011 10:12

THunder: Tcanny says his wife choosewhether to sleep in the same room as him or whether to sleep in a separate room with a locked door and does the latter on nights when she doesn't want sex. Given that this condition exists I think Tcanny is taking all reasonable steps to cope with it and his wife has always had the option of leaving him/not marrying him in the first place.

Tcanny · 21/10/2011 10:26

SGB - no need for a lock as I dont ever leave the room Im in and have never left the bed. Separate room is intentional overkill.

Not always her in the other room if she goes to bed before me and says "I want a peaceful nights sleep" then is me in the other room.

thunder - yes the posts I have made are from my point of view. Funny that as we are each talking from our own points of view on this thread. And the thread you are referring to I was sharing my own experiences and views like everyone else there.

MrSpoc · 21/10/2011 10:49

NambaJam GROW UP. He is only a rapist if he RAPED someone.