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Original poster

10 Tips to Prevent Rape

688 replies

coldwed · 19/10/2011 09:43

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

OP posts:
DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 11:44

Squeaky, we cannot afford to keep seperating "stranger" and "acquaintance" rape.

The more we do so, the more harmful rape myths are perpetuated. The more rapes go unreported because women believe their reports against their partners/friends/other won't be taken seriously. The more stigmatised rape victims become.

Stop trying to seperate the two.

cory · 20/10/2011 11:44

The reason we are stubborn, squeaky, is because many rapes and murders are perpetrated by men who claim they are there for the woman's protection.

DuelingFanjo · 20/10/2011 11:46

yes, great post laweasel

nokissymum · 20/10/2011 11:47

Im not sure why people here seem to the think that educating men (for want of a better word) that women arent there to be raped AND women also to take care of themselves to avoid danger are mutually exclusive.

I dont normally agree with sqeaky's comments but she is making perfect sense here.

kelly2000 · 20/10/2011 11:47

What peopel can argue with is the fact society is more bothered about stopping 20% of rapes than 80% of rapes, and in fact does everything it can to justify rape, even trying to differentiate it from non-consensual sex. A survey a couple of years ago revealed that one in four British people think a woman is partly to blame if she gets raped when it is dark, she is alone, she is drunk, she wears a short skirt etc. That is sick.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 11:48

Because the advice given, nokissymum, does not apply to the majority of rapes.

cory · 20/10/2011 11:51

Because some of the advice given about how to take care of yourself can easily lead to more rape, nokissymum.

"never walk alone" is not necessarily safer advice than "never let yourself be taken home by a man/men you are not absolutely sure you can trust". Many many women have been raped by the men who were walking them home precisely because they believed the way to stay safe was not to be alone.

Whatmeworry · 20/10/2011 11:51

Because the advice given, nokissymum, does not apply to the majority of rapes

So instead of whinging about the given advice's shortfalls, suggest practical advice that should be given.

florriesdragon · 20/10/2011 11:52

Squeaky I understand your points, really I do. But none of the anti-rape advice given to the world, is specifically anti rape. It might make you less likely to be involved in any crime from a stranger, and therefore technically any stranger rape, but it doesn't stop rapes on its own. I think that's what is working everyone up?

Yes of course it is sensible to travel in groups and watch your drinks and not get paralytic. Obviously. To stop yourself getting into a fight or getting mugged or falling in a river and drowning. Yes it is sensible advice! But that won't stop rapists. Someone who would have raped a stranger may well just rape someone they know.

Perhaps my rapists wouldn't have raped me if they had found a suitable target elsewhere? Maybe a drunk woman walking down an alleyway in high heels and a mini skirt?
Perhaps your friend would have gotten home uneventfully if her rapist had been able to slip something into someone's drink? Maybe then he would have only raped his victim rather than killing her too (:( btw)

Neither of these things would have stopped a rapist being a rapist. It just would have been someone else's problem.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 11:54

There is no advice. How do you prevent yourself from getting raped by someone you know and trust? That's what most rapes are. A minority are commited by strangers.

cory · 20/10/2011 11:56

I would say practical advice might be:

"watch your drinks"

"if you are going to take a taxi, use a reputable firm"

"travel in groups if you can"

"but make that groups of people you can trust"

"if you are in a situation where you need to get home late, weigh the possibilities- do you believe the man who are offering to take you home can be trusted or might you be safer on your own?"

"trust your instincts about people and never allow yourself to go off with anyone who feels dodgy, even if (particularly if) they seem very persuasive"

cory · 20/10/2011 11:57

but finally: if something happens, don't blame yourself- report it, report it, report it!!!

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 20/10/2011 11:57

I think the sensible advice Whatmeworry should be to educate men as to what rape is and how to avoid raping someone. They are the perpetrators they can stop themselves from raping.

squeakyfreakytoy · 20/10/2011 11:58

Thinking that someone should have made bad decision and could have made a better one, and blaming them are not the same thing at all.

If a woman was attacked walking home from a nightclub at 2am, I would not say "it is your own fault".. but I would think that if only she had stayed with her friends and not gone off on her own, that it most probably wouldnt have happened, and that she made a very big mistake by not putting more importance on her safety. I am fairly sure that the woman would be wishing she had done so too.

Yes, she could have walked off with a known male friend who could have raped her. Yes she could have gone home and her boyfriend raped her. Those are not the type of cases I am talking about though. Those are also not the cases that posters and advice to women are about. The posters and advice are more aimed at reminding women to be aware of the possible danger from strangers. And as I have said, just because it is only a small fraction of the statistics, it does still happen. Maybe the reason it is a small fraction is because more and more women do listen to the advice and do avoid being out on their own if it is possible to do so, and if the number of stranger rapes could be reduced even more, then surely that is a good thing.

florriesdragon · 20/10/2011 12:00

Btw, in the time after I was raped, I did the exact opposite of all of the "advice" I wore practically nothing out. I was frequently very drunk and alone/in the company of one man (mainly not well known). I got in random taxis and went to random peoples houses.
I went a bit nuts TBH.

But I wasnt raped.

BECAUSE THE MEN I WAS WITH WEREN'T RAPISTS.

windsorTides · 20/10/2011 12:02

It's astonishing to read what some posters believe, despite all the facts and evidence to the contrary.

The best way of preventing rape is to educate boys and girls and men and women about what constitutes consent. The former so that they are in no bloody doubt and the latter so that they will have the confidence and support to report rape and get justice if the worst happens.

Advising daughters about how to prevent stranger rape is like pissing in the ocean. Advising sons and daughters about protecting themselves from accidents or deliberate harm while out and about is entirely sensible, because young people of both sexes are far more likely to come to harm, with young men statistically more vulnerable to stranger violence.

kelly2000 · 20/10/2011 12:03

so squeky, Do you think it is acceptable that hardly any advice is given to women about stopping the 80% of rapes that occur and we shoudl instea docncentrate on the 20% of stranger rapes. Educating men that sex without consent is rape will stop a huge amount of rapes. As long as rapists do not consider themselves rapist they will continue to rape thinking they have not done anythign wrong.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 20/10/2011 12:04

Well said, Cory.

I also think it's important the same advice gets given to our DS's.

It's also important our sons are taught about consent, and how it should be active, enthusiastic and not coerced.

nokissymum · 20/10/2011 12:04

I think she already made herself quite clear, that this may not apply in many other cases, personally i feel some of her advice would! But the point is if it helps one person then its been worth it.

MrsBethel · 20/10/2011 12:05

"And you still haven'explained how to reduce the risk of being raped by a male friend/boyfriend/husband/brother/other..."

I honestly don't know what a person can do to reduce that risk.

NambaJam · 20/10/2011 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SinicalSal · 20/10/2011 12:18

that's the trouble though.

It plays into the stereotype that real rape is the stranger jumping out of the alley and that 80% + of the rapes that happen aren't rapes at all. So the women internalise the damage/blame themselves/don't report/don't get help for the trauma and are left floundering alone because they think 'I'm overreacting, it wsn't really rape'.
And a greater number of men think 'Rapists are scum, I'd never jump out at someone from an alley. But if she's kissing me all she needs is a bit of persuasion/a few vodka and cokes will loosen her up/well it's a grey area, isn't it? Not rape.'
So that's the danger as I see it. The benefits of Don't Get Raped tips - and there are some, of course - are outweighed by the negatives. Don't Get Too Pissed In Case You Wander Into Any Sort Of Trouble, would be ok, imo.

Tcanny · 20/10/2011 12:19

NambaJam. I asked you to back that acusation up on another thread. Im guessing you are referring to my post on a thread about sexomnia?

In no way is my having a managed medical condition tantamount to being a rapist. I do see from other posts you have made that you seem to enjoy courting attention to say the least.

If anyone wants to know what this poster is refering to: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/in_the_news/1249070-Feel-sick-after-reading-this/AllOnOnePage

I hope I will be forgiven for linking to another thread but I think it is reasonable for people to see the intent behind the acusation.

Tcanny · 20/10/2011 12:22

My tolerance for rape is non existant.

And any man male who brags, jokes or makes my opinion of him go down very fast.

Consent for me is a very big issue as NambaJam has just reminded me. As a person who has sexomnia I have to be very very careful what I do and it has made me hyper aware of consent.

florriesdragon · 20/10/2011 12:27

Tcanny, I've read the other thread before. I don't agree that you are a rapist. You could be if you slept with someone without telling them about your sexsomnia.
But if my partner was thrashing about having a dream, that wouldn't make him an abuser if he hit me.

Should never need to be used as a defence for rape though. As you do, sexsomnics shouldn't put themselves in a position that they could rape.