10 Tips to Prevent Rape

[coldwed]

Should this leaflet be handed out to the public?

www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2141096

thunderboltsandlightning - Oh dear.

NinkyNonker : Well done on going public about having been raped. Being open about having been raped was one of the best things I have ever done.

Tcanny : I definitely do not see you as a rapist simply because you have a medical condition that means you have sex in your sleep. And to be honest I applaud your honesty in talking things out with people before you share a room with them.

What I have seen is a poster who has faced hostility, personal attacks and misquoting. And im starting to wonder if it is because he is a man who has dared to post on a thread about rape? If that is the case then we are really not helping ourselves here. Men need to be involved and discussing rape in an open and thought provoking way.

There is no such thing as prior consent. Consent has to be sought at every stage and over and over again. Women do not give blanket consent to be raped because some man with a "medical condition" has decided that he'll share a room with them, because he doesn't mind having "sex" with them (and it's what he wants that counts).

It is shocking that on a thread about rape that a man comes on here who admits that he penetrates his wife whilst she is sleeping, and has possibly done this to other women is being given a warm welcome. How do you think women who have been raped by men who do this kind of thing feel about that.

Rapists lie about what they do. It is not a complicated concept.

Also I notice it's the women who are challenging the man who does something like this who are being attacked, not the man himself.

He sticks his penis into a sleeping non-consenting woman - no problem!

It sounds to me Tcanny that you have been incredibly responsible given your condition and it must make life challenging for you at times.

Rindercella - Im thinking along those lines too.

thunder - His wife has also decided that she wants to share a room with him! Or does that not count to you?

Continuing the attacks on me and Namba, not the man who penetrates sleeping women including his wife. Good for you Rindercella.

It's a great world for rapists if they just get pats on the head about how responsible they are. And no it isn't challenging not to sleep in the same room as a woman, any woman, if you're planning on raping them during sleep. Just don't do it.

When women are raped by their husbands, quite a number are unable to acknowledge that that's what's going on Jan. You'll see a number of threads on here where women have been raped whilst sleeping by their husbands or partners and hesitate to call it rape. There are also plenty of handmaidens standing by to tell them it wasn't rape too.

That's hardly what has happened here, I see no 'handmaidens'...or have you not read the whole thread?!

But Thunderbolt I do not believe that Tcanny is doing anything wrong. He is not a rapist. And your namba's earlier post was deleted for stating as much. His wife knows about his medical condition and yet still chooses to share a bed with him.

You are being deliberately obtuse which is a shame as it is distracting from the real point of this thread which is to hold rapists wholly responsible for raping women.

thunder - If I had a partner who has this condition I would not hesitate to sleep next to him or her. I would be pretty pissed of if he didnt tell me before hand but yes I would base consent on prior permission. And if I didnt want to be bothered in the night I would either sleep in another room or ask him to.

No it is NOT rape. You are using a medical condition to attempt to drive a man off of this thread and possibly MN as well. You never answered the question asked about female sufferers either.

Rindercella, Tcanny admits to penetrating women whilst they are sleeping.

What do you think that activity is called in real life?

Everybody will find a way to make excuses for rapists. It's appalling.

I find that hugely insulting given the context of this thread. Please engage brain/empathy before posting.

Tcanny,
You made a point of saying because of your sexsomnia you only share a room with people you want to have sex with. Do not blame people for repeating it.
And why has this thread about rape been hijacked to talk about how some men cannot be blamed for rape because they have sexsomnia. Once again a way has been found to make sure everyone knows that rapists can sometimes be the victims. Heaven forbid a thread about rape actually focuses on the real victims of rape.

If you have sexsomnia and chose to sleep in a house without telling the other occupants you might have non-consensual sex with them, and you do in fact have non-consensual sex with them, you are a rapist, legally and morally.

Actually I find Tcanny's participation on this thread insulting. It's crass in the extreme.
And I suspect the motives of a man with sexomnia joining a mums forum to talk about it.

Kelly, Tcanny has stated several times that he does not sleep in a house without telling people he is sharing with that he has this condition. He has stated that he told his wife of his condition prior to them staying in the same house. And he now only shares a room with his wife (when she wants him to) because, presumably, he is allowed to actually want sex with his wife. Or does wanting to have sex with his wife make him a rapist too?

Please namba thunder kelly, please do not hijack this thread and make it about one specific man. A man who has been incredibly honest about the condition he and his wife have to live with. Many other posters have requested the same from you. Please could you respect that?

"If you have sexsomnia and chose to sleep in a house without telling the other occupants you might have non-consensual sex with them, and you do in fact have non-consensual sex with them, you are a rapist, legally and morally."

And how does this apply to Tcanny, who clearly has told the other occupant, discussed consent and how it will work, and come to a a practical arrangement to make sure non-consensual sex doesn't happen?

Yup givadas, talking about it is a veiled threat as far as I'm concerned.

Rape goes virtually unpunished in this country and rapists are very often supported or excuses are found for them. "Sexsomnia", more accurately entitled "rapesomnia" is one of the latest. Fine for the guy, fine for the women sucking up to him and sympathising, not so fine for the woman who wakes up to find herself being penetrated. But who cares about her?

Kelly

You might be suprised to know that I agree with your point about sleeping in close proximity to someone who dosent know about my sexomnia. And that is why I dont let that happen.

If I have sex with someone who has not made it clear that sex is welcome then it is rape. Pure and simple!

But it is not rape when a person gives very explicit consent previously to sex taking place. And that consent can be withdrawn at any time, and if withdrawn nothing is risked ( One of us is not in the room with the other)

I came to this thread to discuss rape in a sensible and adult manner. Unfortunatly another poster decided to launch a personal attack and that is what has derailed this thread.

You derailed the thread Tcanny.

Your presence here is very likely to be a trigger for women who have been raped whilst they were sleeping.

If you had any compunction about your "condition", you wouldn't be here trying to inject yourself into this thread, but you appear not to be interested in how you might make anyone else feel, especially victims of rape.

Tcanny's first post on this thread was:

"Hate to say this as a bloke, BUT THAT POSTER IS VALID.

It boils down to if she hasn't said yes then you are being a rapist. And this poster places responsibility right where it should lie. WITH MEN MALES WHO THINK THEY CAN JUSTIFY RAPE I point blank refuse to call a rapist a man.

Actualy pretty thought provoking OP"

Several posts later namba came along and called him a rapist.

Tcanny's first (and subsequent) posts are not insensitive at all. He is someone who has very good reason for understanding the importance of consent. I have valued his input on this thread and not found his presence crass at all. And, under a namechange (can't be bothered to change back) I posted a personal experience on here too.

Rindercella, are you really not aware that rapists are often very outspoken about rape and how wrong it is - just not the kind of rape they commit. It's a smokescreen and an attempt to distract.

For all your cynicism (the accusations of sock-puppetry are incorrect, you'll need to accept that more than one person can disagree with you) you're being very naive about this.

Tcanny is the one who has hijacked the thread to talk about his condition in the context of rape. i seem to think he has done this on other threads. There is no reason for him to come on her to talk about sexsomnia yet again. He certainly did nto come on her to desicuss rape in a sensible and adult matter, he came on to harp on about his condition again. It does not add anything to the disccussion about getting society to concentrate on telling men not to have non-consensual sex with people.

And in actual fact if someone has given prior consent it is rape if they do not give consent at the time and the entire time penetration takes place. The only way you could get away with it is by using the sexsomnia as a defence, you could not give their prior consent as a defence.

It wasn't Tcanny that brought the subject to this thread but a poster who's original post was so far out of line that it was deleted by mumsnet.

I second NinkyNonker when I say he is welcome here