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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off by DH's 'stupidity'?

207 replies

luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:14

Set the scene: this is the man who loses wallets, keys, passports (3 to date), forgets parts of his suits in hotels, leaves washbags behind when going on holiday etc etc etc. I am fed up of reminding him so have stopped = even more disasters.

He's taken the DC to their Saturday club this morning: after an hour, he phones me this morning to ask me for the car breakdown contact details because he's put unleaded petrol in our diesel car, which now won't start.

While none of this affects me (yet...I may have to go and pick them all up, but they could get the train home...), AIBU to react with a huge sigh and to be utterly fucked off with him that he can't seem to remember a quarter of the things I have to in daily life?

This could be bloody expensive to fix and his reaction is just 'I'll deal with it, stop getting cross, don't criticise me' and to hang up on me. I do lose respect for him when he does this.

Go on, don't hold back, AIBU on this?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 24/09/2011 12:16

YANBU

But is he under any kind of stress that makes him that forgetful?

troisgarcons · 24/09/2011 12:17

is he actually 'stupid' or highly intellignet with no common sense?

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 24/09/2011 12:17

YANBU Let them get the train home.

"I do lose respect for him when he does this."

Maybe you should sit him down and tell him this. It might make him think in future.

runnyhabbit · 24/09/2011 12:18

Yanbu

If it was just the fuel issue, I'd be pissed off annoyed, but put it down to "one of those things"

However, with the history you've described I would be having a "chat"

Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:19

No, no stress. Would fall into 'highly intelligent with bugger all common sense' category

OP posts:
wildhairrunning · 24/09/2011 12:19

Yanbu - its going to cost a bloody fortune! He needs to do something to help himself and your money situation as all this must be expensive

cornsillx · 24/09/2011 12:20

how did he manage that?! When I tried to do it the -nozzle wouldn't fit.

AtYourCervix · 24/09/2011 12:20

I'm afraid I have to say YABU because this is the stuff that I do on a daily basis. I am ashamed and embarrased but I do and getting cross and losing respect just makes me feel worse but doesn't stop me doing it. sorry.

Imnotaslimjim · 24/09/2011 12:22

Bloody hell, I thought if the daftest of people would remember what fuel the car took. And he's tried to start the car? Thats going to cost hundreds!

I'd be absolutely bloody fuming a bit cross too and think I'd do more than huff a bit! Let him get the train home, he can sort it himself! He may not have much common sense, but he needs to learn that there is consequences to his actions. If you keep sorting things out for him, he never will

ChippingIn · 24/09/2011 12:23

Did you know he was 'highly intelligent with bugger all common sense' when you married him? Had kids with him? What were you expecting would change him?

I feel for you, I really do - there is no way I could live with someone like this - but they'd have been buried under the veggies sifted out at the 'dating' stage.

I have a shovel if you'd like to borrow it :)

Sorry - no practical solutions though :( People are what they are.

Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:23

Have told him about the respect thing in the past. No improvement. I do expect him to be able to look after things and manage life without the regular cockups - because he's an adult FFS.

However, I now do not help AT ALL (unless this affects the DC) when he does something stupid. He can sort it out.

My problem with it all is his reaction to me being pissed off - according to him, IABU and need to stop criticising and start helping... Your thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:24

ChippingIn He has got worse over time but we've been together 17 years so... you know... things change...

OP posts:
Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:25

Petrol cap has a HUGE sticker saying diesel on it as well = not hard to remember etc

OP posts:
MuthaInsuperior · 24/09/2011 12:25

YANBU I can't be doing with gormless behaviour. I would too lose respect for someone who acted so stupid.

Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:25

Atyourcervix OK, I understand but what might help you/someone like you to remember? Has anything?

Impact isn't great and can be expensive.

OP posts:
AnnaBegins · 24/09/2011 12:27

YANBU, but some practical advice, if that fuel tank wasn't empty and has less than 20% unleaded (so 80% diesel) the car should be ok to drive, if not he should not even try to start the engine as doing so will send unleaded fuel up the pipes which will cause problems. It needs to be towed to a garage and drained (or he could drain it himself, but from what you've said he doesn't sound that practical!) I really hope you get it sorted and that it's not too expensive, and I hope it teaches him a lesson. It usually says the fuel type on the fuel cap for heavens sake!

AtYourCervix · 24/09/2011 12:27

Servants would help. To do the normal everyday life stuff that confuses me. Failing that DH is very tolerent.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/09/2011 12:28

YANBU. It must be very annoying to live with someone like that. Really, if he's so absent-minded or easily distracted, he has to find practical ways to remind himself. A big sticker by the filler cap on the car saying 'DIESEL' in future, perhaps? Setting up text reminders on his mobile phone? Laminated cards inserted in suitcases saying 'Don't forget your suit/passport/washbag' or whatever?

There's only so much you can do for him.

RitaMorgan · 24/09/2011 12:29

I wouldn't help or criticise.

How is he going to pay for this? Does he have any of his own spending money to cover it or will he be expecting to pay from family money?

MuthaInsuperior · 24/09/2011 12:30

Does he not get annoyed at himself for these ridiculous mistakes? If I cocked up my car with the wrong fuel I would be livid at myself (and embarrassed by my stupidity!!)

Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:31

I think that he has filled up and driven the DC the rest of the way to their club. I suspect the petrol is all around the engine. Have looked online, could be anything from £250 to drain it to £2000+

FFS again.

Huge sticker already on petrol cap! Am laughing now (what choice do I have?), he's such a numbskull

OP posts:
Finallygotaroundtoit · 24/09/2011 12:33

I have a DB like this - he is dyslexic and has some other issues. Complete lack of organisational skills and inability to sequence. Being cross with him doesn't help cos he would give anything to not be like this Sad

Original poster
luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:33

Happy to have servants, just the small issue of payment...

All our money is joint: however much it is, it will come from our savings.

I know he gets cross at himself but doesn't seem to do the necessary reflection to take more care/improve/remind himself so no improvement.

OP posts:
diddl · 24/09/2011 12:34

How can you help without following around saying "don´t forget..."

Can he do a course to improve his memory?

Have a list of essentials for going away?

Keep stuff in a bag/case rather than pockets?

(How do you lose a passport?)

RJRabbit · 24/09/2011 12:34

I would say give the guy a break. I doubt that he intentionally loses stuff, or put the wrong fuel in the car. He's probably already annoyed enough with himself without you being angry on top of it.
Lately I've found myself being unable to remember anything, and it's bloody scary.