Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off by DH's 'stupidity'?

207 replies

luciadilammermoor · 24/09/2011 12:14

Set the scene: this is the man who loses wallets, keys, passports (3 to date), forgets parts of his suits in hotels, leaves washbags behind when going on holiday etc etc etc. I am fed up of reminding him so have stopped = even more disasters.

He's taken the DC to their Saturday club this morning: after an hour, he phones me this morning to ask me for the car breakdown contact details because he's put unleaded petrol in our diesel car, which now won't start.

While none of this affects me (yet...I may have to go and pick them all up, but they could get the train home...), AIBU to react with a huge sigh and to be utterly fucked off with him that he can't seem to remember a quarter of the things I have to in daily life?

This could be bloody expensive to fix and his reaction is just 'I'll deal with it, stop getting cross, don't criticise me' and to hang up on me. I do lose respect for him when he does this.

Go on, don't hold back, AIBU on this?

OP posts:

lesley33 · 25/09/2011 17:55

I can understand you being angry, but I also feel sorry for your DH. He isn't doing this on purpose. It must be pretty horribe for him being like this.

lesley33 · 25/09/2011 18:16

kickassangel - I have a good female friend like this. we used to flatshare - before DH and DC. She loses keys, purse, money regularly i.e. once a week. Can't find things like her mobile and then finds she has put it in silly places like the fridge,etc. She gets angry with herself, but doesn't seemto be able to stop behaving like this.

DigOfTheStump · 25/09/2011 18:22

Petrol cap has a HUGE sticker saying diesel on it as well = not hard to remember etc

Yet you managed to call it a PETROL cap, not a fuel cap. See, it is easy to forget!

I feel your pain re the constat duffus-ness, but that one made me laugh

TadlowDogIncident · 25/09/2011 19:04

A dear (female) friend of mine is like this - totally disorganised, never knows where anything is, always late for everything because she can't find her purse / phone/ keys. She's an academic and much cleverer than I am. I truly don't know why she's like this, but she always has been. She married a man who's very similar and they live in total chaos!

TheOriginalFAB · 25/09/2011 19:19

I used to have a really good memory before I had children and it has got worse since I was diagnosed with FM. I have my phone set to remind me to pick up the kids/go to my volunteering/any other appointments. I have to write things down so I don't forget and often send myself an email to remind me to do things.

At school the teachers said I was very bright but had no common sense. I think I have improved a bit.

Original poster

luciadilammermoor · 25/09/2011 20:56

Fuel/petrol cap FFS. Laugh all you like but there's a HUGE fuckoff sticker saying diesel. IF you need it. Which I don't. Have driven for 17 years and never done this.

Sorry, less amused by all of this today as it will cost us over £1500.

See, I don't feel all that sorry for him, he has a choice to take extra care to not fuck up (caveat that if this was a oneoff I would not be posting), he doesn't do that and the fuckups happen over and over again.

£1500

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/09/2011 20:57

£1500

Original poster

luciadilammermoor · 25/09/2011 20:59

Oh and the warranty's invalid as well. Thanks for that.

OP posts:

clam · 25/09/2011 21:16

Shit!

Mrsasp · 25/09/2011 21:37

Hi, I've just scanned the thread, not read all the responses so not sure if someone's suggested this yet, but high flying, highly intelligent, mad professor type with total forgetfulness and no common sense equals Aspergers!
You have my sympathy; my DH is just like this, hence my nickname (see my threads on him....) Google Aspergers online tests and get him to sit them if you're interested. It's so annoying; I have to remember everything, organise everything.

mynewpassion · 25/09/2011 21:40

You knew he was the classic absent-minded professor person when you got together and eventually married him.

You can be upset about it but you have to live with it. Sorry.

Mrsasp · 25/09/2011 21:43

Original poster

luciadilammermoor · 25/09/2011 21:50

mynewpassion read the thread.

OP posts:

omaoma · 25/09/2011 21:52

wow - yes, see if there's some kind of diagnosis/professional help he can look at. and in the meantime i have to say i would be making DH set up a crisis fund that is somehow from his own personal stash of money each month and does not in any way come out of your/the family's savings (not sure how you divide the family finances). you must be able to work out how much his faffiness has cost you over the last 2-3 years, average it and make him save that much a month. may be if he has to start compromising on 'fun' and luxury things for himself (while the rest of you don't) it might start making him take your requests for coping strategies seriously.

outthere · 25/09/2011 22:00

Sorry, but I don't agree that a highly intelligent, forgetful mad professor type equals Asperger Syndrome... there's far more to it than that and I wouldn't like to see it trivialised.

Sometimes people are just forgetful, lazy or stupid (or all three).

maybunny · 25/09/2011 22:04

Oh I do feel for you - his actions have consequences on you too, not least due to the money it costs your family! That money could be used for much better things! Some people are just like this though - has he always been like this? If so,you might just have to remind yourself of what you saw in him in the first place !

outthere · 25/09/2011 22:04

in·tel·li·gence (n-tl-jns)
n.
1.
a. The capacity to acquire and apply knowledge.
b. The faculty of thought and reason.
c. Superior powers of mind.

I also think that it's a complete contradiction to say that someone is highly intelligent but lacks common sense. Just because they're good at something doesn't make them highly intelligent. My DH is fantastic at mental arithmatic. Can't put a bin liner in the bin or bed sheets on the bed though. No problem solving skills whatsoever...

outthere · 25/09/2011 22:07

Sorry, meant to add that it would be more accurate to say that he's very intelligent in certain areas but not necessarily as a whole...

Anyway, YANBU - I'd be fuming...

Notchattingnow · 25/09/2011 22:12

what is FM ? TheoriginalFab

outthere · 25/09/2011 22:18

arithmetic - sorry

DigOfTheStump · 25/09/2011 22:37

£1500 - ouch, I agree that is no laughing matter, sorry for my trite comment earlier.

bangcrash · 25/09/2011 23:15

I am female and like this. I lost my passport and all other identifying ID at once so have no anything really! I always have new looking payment cards because I get through so many, I often lose both at once and am also on mates rates and terms with the locksmith who I met only through work. I have locked myself in as well as out of the house and on occasions had a small child the wrong side of the door from me. I am currently missing a full set of house keys-been gone for a fortnight or more.

I lose glasses, keys, wallet, cardigan,coats, bags, food and important items all the time. I once saved for weeks to buy something I loved, had the money and went shopping and left it at the bus stop when I went home.

I break huge amounts of breakables regardless of what I am doing and how much I like them. I injure myself frequently and have done such things as tried to slam the car door on my own foot, slammed the door on my own fingers and put a garden fork in my own foot. I have flattened my own children inadvertently and often banged them whilst carrying them, putting the in car seats etc.

I run out of petrol sometimes and havent yet put in the wrong fuel but know it is likely. I am dyspraxic and have no visual memory at all, obviously green fuel is green but is diesel red or blue, think it is once but not sure. I think not knowing instantly makes it harder then again dealing with this accident is a huge business so lots of people do it all the time. I know that there is a big decorative glass panel in my front door and have no idea what the pattern is, I wouldn't recognise it if you showed me and you could replace it and i would never notice - have no chance of picturing where things are like my dh does.

Am not excessively bright though I have good qualifications and if you rated my intelligence by my ability not to get lost I would be given a live in companion. Still i jump in the car sure I will arrive where i plan! I like your dh, we could swop gormless stories. I too would just shrug my shoulders at the petrol stuff, my dh would be incredulous but using it as a funny story (in a sweet way rather than a oh my wife is such a twat way). rgardless of my ability to do full shops with no method ofpayment, a fact i find at payment t ime he thinks me wonderful and bright and so he damn should. Just got a few quirks! If i could change it would have happened by now and it would impact on me less often. Writing all that was quite cathartic but i could go on for pages...bet yyour dh is seeming more capable now:)

bangcrash · 25/09/2011 23:19

oops just seen the cost...plenty of sympathy for that but for him too. I am a master of zen in a kind of ALL that matters is the health and safety of me and mine, those I love kind of way but I have to be. Would be a babbling, neurotic lunatic scared to go out otherwise.

unpa1dcar3r · 25/09/2011 23:21

Maybe he's a tad autistic/Dyspraxic/Aspergic?
In which case he really can't help it.

Must drive you bonkers though.

Thumbwitch · 26/09/2011 00:38

Notchatting - FM = fibromyalgia.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9