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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That "Matryr Mums" should maybe chill?

272 replies

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:42

Martyr Mothers

They like to tell their children how much they've sacrificed for the children, how much they are giving up by putting their children first. I've heard the term before and seen some. I've just googled this and it got me wondering:

"You?ve just tidied your 10-year-olds bedroom, whipped up two batches of cookies for the school fete, bathed the dog, wrestled with sticky paper to cover your teenagers? school books, and realised you didn?t even stop for lunch today.

Does this sound just a little bit like you?

The martyrdom trap

All parents make some sacrifices for their children; it?s a normal part of parenthood. What?s not ok is when selfless sacrifices are taken to extremes, says Professor Matt Sanders, Clinical Psychologist, Founder of the Triple P Positive Parenting Program, and Director of the Parenting and Family Support Centre at University of Queensland.

?This is when parents fall into the martyrdom trap,? he says. ?Some parents suppress their own needs to such a degree that they become angry, miserable, and depressed,? he says.

Self sacrifice also has an evil twin that contributes to martyrdom ? over protectiveness, and when the two join forces martyrdom mayhem results.

Martyr mums want to protect their child, and do things for them, but what they?re inadvertently teaching their child is that they can?t do it for themselves.

What do you think, can you make too many sacrifices?

DO children have to fit in with out lives or do our lives change because we have children.

Where is the line?

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 14/09/2011 23:00

See its a Wednesday night, it's a full moon and its late so happy juices has been imbibed but not much because it's a school night...

.......this thread was bound to happen and its happened here.

Grin
BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 23:01

A gimp ?! Shock

Am I?!

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:02

BTP - get your DC to do it. I do.

Moominsarescary · 14/09/2011 23:02

I did see a post by mums net the other day saying something like.

You can't say you are a twat

You can say you are behaving/acting like a twat
This is ok as behaviour can change

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:04

I agree with Salmotrutta....

I hate squashes unless they are blackcurrant.

Feminine · 14/09/2011 23:04

Confused at all of this.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 23:05
Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 23:05

I agree with reeling

Moominsarescary · 14/09/2011 23:06

But I only saw it written on a thread yesterday

Wtaf no wonder everyone is getting deleted

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:06

BTP - that's what marigolds are for Grin

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:07

BeerTricksPotter

Get him some rubber gloves.

Kayano · 14/09/2011 23:08

I thought a poster sounded like a dick the other day

But instead put 'well that was a dick move on your part Imo' and that was deemed Ok

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 23:09

Wish I could whistle .....

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 14/09/2011 23:10

Reeling - great fucking minds. And all that.

Kayano - to me that has been the biggest thing over the summer, and in the past fortnight in particular - absolutely NO consistency.

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:11

Kayano

Only if you let RockSock tie you up.

BeerTricksPotter · 14/09/2011 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moominsarescary · 14/09/2011 23:13

Oh I was wrong it was arse not twat

"A personal attack is "you are an x, y, z"

A comment on how someone is behaving, even if you say they are behaving like an arse, is not a personal attack. People can change their behaviour."

So is the word twat a barred word now

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:13

RockSock Hmm

ReindeerBollocks · 14/09/2011 23:14

To be fair your all twats, maybe we should just delete Mumsnet Grin

reelingintheyears · 14/09/2011 23:15

I wrote arse earlier just after SarahStratton.

But i didn't write 'gravy'.

And i wasn't deleted.Hmm

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 23:15

Who is everyone's favourite martyr anyway?

I was always partial to St Stephen myself.